Wonderful Life

The premiere was absolutely beautiful. I've never in my life been to a movie premiere and I must say that they are a lot of fun. I enjoy them immensely. Before we even showed up at the premiere theater Kellan took me to dinner at a small Italian restaurant and the food was absolutely delicious. I enjoyed it. The theater, once we arrived, was packed on the outside by fans of the movie waiting to catch a glimpse of the stars.

Kellan walked with me and signed some autographs as we walked the red carpet. Paparazzi yelled questions at who I was and what I was doing there. I ignored them already knowing how to deal with the pests. Sometimes it paid to have an older brother who was famous. Finally, we reached the inside of the theater and found our seats.

The movie was long, and it was pretty good. I enjoyed the action parts the most. By the time the movie had ended I really wanted to go home, but Kellan had promised a few of his co-stars that he would make an appearance at an after party. That was a lot of fun too. Unfortunately, during the after party, I started to get really dizzy. I wasn't sure if it was the drink that I was drinking, but I know that I stopped with the alcohol.

Kellan noticed my well being and he told his co-stars that we had to go. As he drove me home he stopped for some bottled water at a gas station and handed it to me. I took it and thanked him. I gulped about half the bottle before we even left the parking lot and I was really happy that he had gotten more than one bottle for me.

As he was driving I could tell that he was worried because he kept shooting me furtive glances in my direction. He was trying to be subtle, but it wasn't working all that well for him. I rested my head against the cool glass of the window and waited until I was home safe. I had to lie down and rest. I don't know what had triggered the dizzy spells, but I was certain that it could be closely related to Christian and his schemes of trying to get Gemma to be his wife. I had to be more careful when my brother wasn't around.

Christian was too unstable and he was capable of anything. Kellan dropped me off and before we went to the door he made sure that I was alright. I reassured him that the dizziness was going away and that the water was helping. It was true though. It had helped me lose the dizziness and I was thankful for it. Kellan looked relieved when I told him that and I could only imagine why. He said goodnight to me and kissed my cheek before walking back to his car. I was really starting to like him more and more than I probably should.

When I entered the house my brother and Zacky were sitting up for me. Johnny and Matt were passed out on the floor. I laughed at the sight before me. Brian jumped up from his seat and walked over to me. He hugged me and then kissed my forehead before Zacky took his spot.

"Guys, stop, I'm fine," I said through a small laugh.

"We had to make sure you got home safely," Brian tried to cover up his true intentions.

"Yeah, alright, well I'm home safe now so back off. I need to sleep," I said.

Brian smiled at me and then turned towards Zacky where they started up a conversation. I headed towards the stairs and towards my room. I stripped my dress off and then replaced it with some very comfortable pajama bottoms and an old T-shirt that Zacky had given me from his clothing line. I let my hair fall down before placing it into a messy ponytail to keep out of my face. Then I went to the bathroom and washed my face of all make-up residues.

After my face was clean I went back to my room and crashed on my bed. I was really tired. The night was long and exhausting, but I enjoyed myself. Before my eyes were even able to close though my phone went off and I looked at the text. It was from Kellan. He was telling me good night and that he hoped that I had fun. I sent him a reply and then closed my eyes to sleep.

*****

Three weeks passed since I went to the premiere with Kellan and my pictures with me and him were still hot topics of the tabloids. I was getting fed up of paparazzi running up to me and asking me stupid nonsensical questions. It wasn't their fucking business so they needed to butt out. I told them as much and I figured that they would just spin some lie or rumor about me. If they did then I would sue because I didn't want my life displayed out for the world. I knew that there was a possibility that it would happen if I went on dates with Kellan, but that didn't mean I had to condone the shit.

I was a master at keeping under the radar from paparazzi most of the time because of my brother and his band. Kellan and I kept going on dates here and there and my feelings for him were growing deeper and deeper. I spent time with Cassie and Gemma as well since they were both out of the hospital. Sam was doing very well and he was pretty much on his own two feet again. Gemma was really happy about that because that meant that he could finally not feel like an invalid. Sam stuck close to Gemma when she and Cassie went out and so did one of my brother's friends if it wasn't my own brother. They protected her like she was their own sister. It was just like me. They loved me and they loved Gemma with all of their hearts.

I went out with Nikki sometimes and she introduced me to other co-stars of the Twilight Saga. I loved Ashley Greene. She has such a spunky attitude that we clicked right away. Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson kind of kept to themselves when Kellan and Nikki introduced me to them. I didn't really care because I personally did not care for them at all. Peter Facinelli and Elizabeth Reaser were super nice to me when we were introduced. They even told me that Kellan looked a lot happier with me than his normal girlfriend that he used to bring around to the set. They said her name was AnnaLynn McCord and that she wasn't very pleasant. Anna Kendrick was really nice despite how rude of a character she normally played in the series.

When Kellan was off filming his scenes for the movie I was left in his trailer. I didn't mind, but sometimes I would watch him act and it felt and looked like he really wasn't acting. It was natural for him to be funny, so his role as Emmett Cullen was very easy for him. I could never act mainly because I just didn't find any kind of fun in it. I loved music and making music. One day, while I was on set I got sick and tired of sitting in the trailer that I had decided to wander around. I ended up finding a drum kit. It wasn't as elaborate as one of Jimmy's old kits but it was a kit none the less. I found some sticks and then began drumming one of Jimmy's old songs. It felt nice to be behind a kit again.

It had been awhile since my last band practice, but I don't think my band was going to really survive. We had been having a lot of fights between the members and I couldn't play mediator much longer. I guess I wasn't destined to have my own band. The songs we created on a demo disc were good, but they needed a lot of work. I didn't know how hard it was going to be to create a demo disc, but it was pretty difficult. Our sound was rough, but we didn't have ideal practice space since I was trying to keep this from my brother still.

I was so into my drumming that I didn't even notice that I was being watched. When I finished with a couple of more songs I felt more at ease. I opened my eyes that I didn't realize I had closed and literally jumped at all the eyes and faces staring at me. Kellan was amongst the group and he had a huge grin on his face.

"You're good Colbie," he said.

"Thanks, but I probably won't ever be in a band," I said.

"I thought you were in one now," he said, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Yeah, but I'm positive that the members are going to leave. Everyone, but me, keeps bickering and fighting and I can't stand it anymore," I said.

"What about your brother's band," he asked after everyone else left.

"He's not going to want his sister in his band. Besides they've got Mike Portnoy right now and even though he won't be there in 2011, I'm sure they've got people lined up and ready to drum with them. There's no chance of me ever drumming in band," I said.

"Does your brother even know that you can drum that well," he asked.

"No, but that's because I haven't told him," I said.

"Why not," he asked.

"I don't want him to judge me. I don't want him to compare me to his best friend that he lost," I replied.

Kellan didn't say anything after that so I figured he knew what I meant or at least understood it. He pulled me away from the drums and gave me a big hug. He told me that I was special and that if I kept praying for a band to play in, then I'll get one. He made me laugh so much with that statement that he had to hold me up. He didn't ask why I was laughing, but instead he laughed along with me. I think he was just grateful that I was no longer sad and mopey around him. His personality could rival Jimmy's, but I knew that Jimmy would over do things just to make a point. That was the Jimmy was.

Kellan had to go back to the set and film some more before we could both leave and have a fun night together. Kellan respected my wishes of not doing anything sexual yet. I still couldn't get over the fact that I had been raped. I never would have thought that it would happen to me, but then again I no longer had to face the bastard that did it to me anymore. That was the plus side to everything. He hadn't come after me just yet since I heard that he had been fired from the job. I was really happy about that.

*****

About a month after Kellan and the rest of the cast had witnessed my drumming I was ambushed at my own house when Kellan dropped me off at home. Brian, Matt, Zacky, and Johnny were all there. I couldn't exactly read their expressions, but I wasn't really excited to see them at that moment and I tried to run up the stairs away from them. It didn't exactly work.

"Colbie, don't even think about it," Brian warned.

I sighed and headed back down the stairs and stood awkwardly in front of the four men that I've known my entire life. I really hoped that this little family meeting wasn't a bad one. I couldn't handle bad meetings. They weren't fun at all. My eyes trailed to the coffee table and I saw a tabloid magazine sitting on it. I gulped hoping that there was nothing in there that would make my family upset with me.

"Sit down Colbie," Matt prompted.

I ignored him and continued to stand. I didn't really want to sit. I wanted to be able to bolt if I had to. Matt sighed and so did Brian. Clearly something was bothering them. "Why didn't you tell us?" Zacky finally asked.

"Tell you what?" I asked.

"Why didn't you tell us you played the drums?" Johnny asked.

I stared at them. I couldn't believe they knew about this. I spent years trying to keep this from them. It worked and then Jimmy found out, but promised he wouldn't tell. Now, I was at a loss of how they knew that I drummed. My eyes scanned the room for any kind of verbal traitor, but then they fell back on that tabloid magazine. I groaned and leaned over to pick it up. Yeah, so apparently the cast wasn't the only one watching me play the drums on set. The damn nosy paparazzi thought that it would be funny to print me playing the drums in their damn magazine. I was pissed off. That was private business that they shouldn't have been snooping for.

"You shouldn't believe what you read," I said, hoping that they wouldn't ask for anything else.

"That's what I thought until we found your little demo disc lying around. Colbie, you're good.
You have raw talent just like Jimmy did," Brian said.

"You went snooping in my bedroom didn't you," I said, trying to not let my anger boil over.

"No, I was over at Gemma's place and it was sitting out in the garage. I didn't know what it was and neither did Gemma so she let me take it home," Brian replied.

Damn those girls. I knew I shouldn't have given them all copies of the damn demo. I didn't want to be a drummer for a band that was already well known. I didn't want to be judged and compared to the legendary Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan by the fans. I didn't want to be scrutinized and picked apart like I knew would happen. It's why I was really happy that Mike Portnoy was willing to help them out at least this year. I didn't want to be pressured to drum in the year 2011 if I didn't have to. It's the whole reason that I wanted to try and make my own band. I sighed getting really aggravated with the stares from my family.

"What do you want me to say?" I finally asked.

"Well, why didn't you tell us?" Matt asked.

I sighed. I hated explaining myself. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to be judged or scrutinized especially at a time like now. We just lost Jimmy and the fans are expecting something that I'm afraid if asked I won't be able to deliver," I said.

"What do you mean?" Johnny wondered.

"I know you have to look for a new drummer. Mike's not going to be permanent as much as the fans have accepted him for the time being. I know this. I was afraid that if you knew I drummed then you would ask me to be a trial drummer when you went looking for one and I'm afraid that I won't be able to deliver to your standards or live up to Jimmy's standards either," I clarified as best as I could.

"Colbie, from what we've heard from this demo you're fucking amazing. Dare I say it, but you could rival Jimmy," Matt grinned at me.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes really. We are very impressed, but if you don't want to do it we understand your decision, but at least think about it please," Brian stated.

I nodded my head and then took the magazine and demo disc upstairs. I obviously underestimated my family's reaction to my talent. I wish I hadn't, but then again I've always thought that I was just mediocre. I now had to talk to my current band members. We were going downhill and I hoped that we wouldn't. We didn't know each other on a personal level at the moment, so working together was making it very difficult indeed. Maybe my own band at this point and time wasn't so good after all. I could always try again in the future.

When I got to my room I placed the demo disc on my dresser and then sat down on my bed. I took the magazine and looked at the front cover. I was on the front cover behind the drum kit. My eyes were closed and it looked like I was actually listening to other music as I was playing. It was a good picture despite that my eyes were closed. I read the article. It was printed in the OK magazine because I was currently connected with Kellan Lutz.

The article was pretty big considering that I didn't even really give an interview for the damn thing. They had a lot to say. A lot of it wasn't very nice either. They were wondering what Kellan was doing with some crazy rocker chick in the first place. I didn't really care. I ripped the picture that was used for the front cover from the inside of the magazine since they printed that with its own page and then tossed the rest of the magazine into the trash.

Tabloid magazines were full of bullshit and I wasn't going to let them get to me. I was being to feel very deeply for Kellan. I wasn't sure if it was love just yet, but I could tell that it was coming really close to that. I wasn't sure how I could have developed feelings for this guy so fast, but then again it had been months since he was considered an invalid at the hospital. I could still see the faint scar from his surgery on his neck sometimes and I felt a swell of pride at the thought that I had climbed on top of him to stop the bleeding.

I had a lot to think about. Not only was my brother going on tour soon, but they wanted me to think about being their new drummer. It was a big step in my life, but it was a step that I had been dreaming about for a long time. Even though I had taken the nursing courses in school I would always catch myself writing lyrics and creating drum beats in my head to pass the time. Sometimes I would even make beats to work I had to study and it helped me study better. It was probably the only reason that I was actually able to pass with flying colors. Drumming has been a huge part of my life for the longest time, that I couldn't see a life without it.

I don't know what decision would be good for me at the moment, but I do know that I would sell merchandise for my brother in a heartbeat. I was still considered unemployed and my savings was dwindling with the demo CD that my current band was working on at the moment. I think one decision was going to be final and that was pulling the plug on the band. There was no way that I could stand another practice session with the bickering of the girls. I couldn’t put myself through that torture any longer. I would also have to take all the music that we ever worked on because a lot of it came from Jimmy and there was no way in hell that I would allow these girls to take it and then end up butchering it. I would not allow that at all. Jimmy's music was sacred.

There were a lot of decisions for me to make, but at the moment I couldn't make them all. One had been decided, but I still had a little time to think over the rest. I just hope that my brother would accept my decisions when that time came to give them. That's all I could ever ask for.