Wonderful Life

After I came home from my honeymoon I sat down with my brother and the rest of the band members to discuss my future as well as the bands future. We didn't have a very long time to make a decision before they went back on tour. Arin Ilejay also joined us in the meeting. It was a pretty intense meeting. Arin and I both in a sense auditioned and we were both really good. The conclusion we came to was that we both become drummers for the band. We'd share the tour shows and everything. I'd drum one show and he'd drum the next.

I only made that decision because I initially wanted to start a family at some point. I wanted to make sure that I'd be able to spread my time between both. There was also movie premieres that I'd have to attend with Kellan. The one coming up would be important. It was the first part to the final Twilight Saga series and I knew he'd want me to go with him.

Gemma had a silent ceremony and got married to Sam. It was beautiful and absolutely amazing. She had asked me to be a witness and of course I agreed. She had told me about her meeting with Christian and I knew she had expected me to lecture her about it, but since so much time had passed since the initial trial and things had calmed down, I didn't see a problem anymore. I knew that Christian would eventually need to be in Cassie's life. To say that she was shocked at my reaction was an understatement.

"Colbie, you ready for sound check?" Brian asked walking up into my bus.

That's right, when I had signed on to help my brother with drumming I had gotten my own bus. It was absolutely fantastic. I loved having my own space. Arin took Jimmy's old bunk. It was still bittersweet, but we were slowly patching ourselves up.

"Yeah, I'm almost ready," I said.

"Good, sound check is in twenty minutes," he smiled.

"All right. I'll be there soon," I said.

He nodded and then left. I finished getting ready and then left my bus. I walked towards the venue and smiled at Arin in passing. Kellan was planning to fly out to meet us for a few shows before he had to go and finish filming. It would be a lot of fun to see him again. I loved having him around because I knew that he supported me in what I loved to do.

****

A couple of weeks passed and the tour was going well. Arin and I got along very well and we were able to divvy up the shows so that we both got really good exposure. I had left for a little bit since Lzzy had asked me to do a music video as her drummer for a song. I loved hanging out with Lzzy and I was more than happy to work with her.

After Kellan had left to go back to filming I had begun to start feeling a little sick. I wasn't sure if it was homesickness, if I just missed Kellan, if it was just a regular flu, or something more serious. Needless to say I didn't perform a lot and when I did I always felt very tired after the shows. I usually skipped the few meet and greets that the others did because of how tired I felt.

When we were at one location we had a few days to actually travel and have time to ourselves. I decided to go and see a doctor to see what was wrong with me when the nausea hadn't gone away. When I left I was in total shock, but I knew that I could no longer play for the rest of the tour. I was a bit disappointed, but I'd rather take care of myself and not stress. I was planning to finish out the current one, but the next tour lined up I would just be selling merchandise.

When I got back to the hotel we were staying at I texted my brother and the others to meet me in my room. I made sure that I had put in that I had major news to tell them. Brian had immediately texted me back asking if I was okay. I reassured him, but told him to hurry because the news couldn't wait.

I waited for about twenty minutes before I heard knocking on my door. I sighed and stood up to answer it. Brian was there and I let him inside.

"The others are on their way," he said.

I nodded and walked back to the bed. I climbed on top of it and curled up by the headboard.

"Colbie, what's wrong?" he asked worried.

"I'll tell you in a little while," I said.

He climbed onto the bed with me and wrapped me up in a hug. I was still in a bit of shock. Three more knocks came at the door and I went and answered it. Johnny, Zacky, Matt, and Arin all came inside. I closed the door and then walked back towards the bed.
I grabbed a pillow and hugged it close to me.

"Colbie, please tell us what's wrong," Matt urged.

I could hear the worry in his voice. Brian slowly started rubbing my back and the comfort I felt was able to help me compose myself. I took a few deep breaths and looked at them all.

"I've been diagnosed with cancer," I said quietly.

Brian's hand stopped rubbing. I knew it was huge news, but I knew I had to tell them. I couldn't keep it from them and let myself deteriorate before their eyes. I had to get the best treatment to fight this. I wasn't going to let this beat me. I had started to think that I was pregnant, but it was cancer.

"There's more," I said.

"More? What more could there be?" Zacky asked.

"I was pregnant, but I had to terminate it because the doctor told me it was either me or the
baby," I said feeling tears coat my eyes.

Brian pulled me into a hug and the others all crowded around me. This was going to be tough and I knew that Gemma would be devastated. I had to tell her over the phone even if it wasn't ideal. I also had to tell Kellan as well.

After I had calmed down I moved out of my room and in with Brian. He didn't want me to be on my own. I didn't blame him. After I moved all of my stuff, or rather Brian moved it for me I made the phone calls. As I suspected Gemma cried and told me that she was praying that I beat this. Kellan said that he'd get some time off as soon as possible to come and see me again.

I made sure to tell him that I had a lot of eyes watching me and that he should just focus on filming until it was done. He agreed even though he I knew that he didn't want to. Brian had called Michelle and I knew Matt called Val. They were both flying out to stay with me on my bus so that I wasn't completely alone. I wasn't going to let them cancel the tours just so that I could fight this.

****

Four weeks passed after I found out that I had cancer. I had told Kellan that I had to get rid of our baby because of it and we both cried over the loss. It was going to be hard, but I knew that I could handle this. I had done a few shows, but after each one I felt drained. I was really glad that Arin was there to help pick up my slack. I felt horrible for not being able to keep up with it all. Brian and Matt had contacted WB Records and told them of my condition. They weren't going to kick me off the contract, but were actually going to help pay for treatments. They knew I had talent and wanted to keep me on board.

I was very grateful for the support I was receiving from this. I played the final show of the Welcome to the Family tour and then I travelled with Val and Michelle back to Huntington Beach. I wanted to stay and sell the merchandise but Brian made me go home so I could start my treatments. It didn't help that all the others agreed. Arin told me to go because he wanted me to get better so I could come back stronger. If I wasn't all ready married then Arin would have been a very good contender as to someone who I would date.

****

I had been in Huntington Beach for a few months. Gemma came when she could and her schedule permitted it. Val, Michelle, Lacy, and Gena were the ones who were there for me. They took me to my treatments and so far things were going well. Chemotherapy and radiation were shrinking the tumor. My doctor had told me that if the tumor shrunk enough that they could surgically remove it so I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore.

I was really looking forward to having the surgery done. The doctor had told me that because the cancer had been caught at an early stage it was going to be less of a grueling battle. I really liked that because I wanted to get back to drumming. I wanted to start my family.

****

The day of the surgery arrived and I was scared, but I was ready. Brian and the others had put the date off for the start of the next tour and were home to support me. I felt really loved. Gemma took time off from work and came to support me as well. Kellan was with me as the nurse was prepping me for surgery.

"I'll be waiting for you when you get into recovery," he said.

I smiled at him as I felt the anesthesia start to kick in. I felt his lips on my forehead before I went completely under.

****

I woke up to whispers and mumbling along with beeping machines. I blinked my eyes a few times before the room came into focus. Everything was blinding white, but it was to be expected. I looked around the room to see Gemma, my brother, and the rest of the guys. I rolled my head to the side to see Kellan passed out next to me. He was lying on my arm and I could feel it going numb. I tried to move it, but it seemed to be a pointless movement. I took my other hand and moved it so that I was touching his head. I rubbed it gently to try and wake him up. It did absolutely nothing.

I looked around and I saw Brian. I opened my mouth to talk, but nothing came out. My mouth was so dry. I groaned to try and get someone's attention. Brian was talking with Gemma and the Matt, Zacky, and Johnny were asleep. Arin was reading a book of sorts and he looked up at me. I smiled and pointed towards the water. He got up and came to my side with a cup of water with a straw in it. I took a much needed drink and smiled up at him.

"Thanks," I croaked softly.

"No problem," he said.

My voice is what got Brian's attention. He stood up and walked over to my side next to Arin.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asked.

"Well, I’m hoping to find out that I'm cancer free," I smiled weakly.

He chuckled.

"Aw, Mrs. Lutz, you're awake. Good," the doctor said walking in.

That got Kellan up. He looked up at me and smiled tiredly. I rubbed his cheek affectionately and turned my attention to the doctor.

"Good news. The surgery went well. We were able to get the entire tumor and stop the growth process of any others coming back. You, my dear, are cancer free," he said with a smile.

The room erupted into cheers and I felt Kellan squeeze my hand tightly.

"When you feel a bit stronger we'll run some tests so that we can clear you and you can leave as soon as possible," he said with a smile.

"How soon after I leave here can I play the drums?" I asked.

"You'll need to take it easy for at least a few months. No playing the drums for awhile," he said.

I sighed, but nodded. The doctor left and I felt someone touch my other arm. I turned to look at Arin.

"Hey, don't feel so down. You'll be back to drumming before you know it and that first show that you do will be worth the wait," he said.

I smiled. "Thanks."

****

A week passed after my surgery and I was released from the hospital. I stayed at home with Kellan for two months before I took my tour bus to meet the guys at the venue. I had been cleared to do a little more physical activity, but not any drumming just yet. I was really disappointed, but I knew that day would come and I would enjoy ten times more just like Arin had told me.

Kellan was travelling with me along with Val and Michelle since none of them wanted me to
be alone. Kellan was actually supposed to fly out to do more filming for the Twilight movie soon and he didn't want me alone on a bus. I adored how much he cared about me.

****

It had been months since my surgery and I had finally been cleared to start drumming again. I was so excited. I did sound check for the final show of the second tour that Avenged Sevenfold played and Arin stood on the sidelines with a shit eating grin on his face. Matt and the others had agreed to headline the Uproar tour again and I was ecstatic. Arin was letting me do most of the shows since I had my health issues during the bulk of the other tours. Matt also made sure the fans knew that I was back to playing that final show. To think that I had made an impact on their fans touched my heart.

I played that final show with my entire heart in it. I made sure the fans had a good show. To think that my life had so many ups and downs was amazing. I lost one of my best friends, found a new friend in Nikki and Kellan. Well, found a husband in Kellan, but found new friends during the first Uproar tour, and came through a rape as well battled cancer and survived. It was a lot, but I managed to survive and I knew that my life wouldn't end young. I knew that I'd grow old and not regret anything that I ever did in my life.