Can't Go Back

Riley

I had gone back to bed, but I couldn’t sleep. I was in Dorian’s room and it made me uncomfortable. It reminded me of him and I felt sick to my stomach.

“Hey” I heard as I rolled over and saw Dorian in the doorway.

“Hi” I said as he moved into the room.

“My dad told me what is going on,” he said.

“Yeah” I said as I sat up in the bed.

“Riley, Dorian, come downstairs please” Dorian’s dad yelled.

“I guess my mom is here,” I said as we both got up and went downstairs.

“Riley” I heard as I came down the stairs.

“Hey mom” I said as I hugged her.

“Hi” she said to Dorian.

“Hi” he said in a small voice.

“You must be Dorian,” she said as he nodded. “I didn’t know you had another child” mom said making small talk.

“Mom, enough of the small talk, we need to talk about all of this”

“I don’t really see what there is left to say, I think Andreas told you everything,” she said as I sat on the couch.

“I thought Pat was supposed to be here,” I said as the doorbell rang.

“I forgot that boy is always hungry” mom said as Dorian’s dad opened the door. He stood there for a good minute before he let him in.

“You look so much like your father,” he said.

“My father? I don’t even know my father. How can you say that?” he asked as he looked at me. I hadn’t told him about his dad yet.

“I know who your dad is” mom said.

“You do? How long have you known? Why didn’t you ever tell me? Have you known?” he asked all these questions.

“This picture says everything,” I said as I handed him the baby picture of him.

“My god that’s me… and your holding me” he said pointing at Andreas.

“I know, I was good friends with your father, and I invited him today”

“You did what?” he asked shocked.

“Today you will meet your father”

“How did you find this?” he asked as he sat on the couch.

“I’ll start,” I said as I sat beside him on the couch. “I came here because Dorian called me, telling me about his dad, you remember that?”

“Yeah, you just left” he said as I gave him an apologetic look.

“After a few days of my stay here I was in the kitchen-“

“This kitchen?” he asked pointing to the other room.

“Yes, I was on the phone with my mom”

“Yeah, you seemed so spaced out I didn’t know what was up”

“I had found that picture you’re holding. I knew it was you right away. I could tell that smile anywhere,” I said as he looked up at me and smiled. “That smile” I said as he blushed. “I showed it to Dorian who told me it was a friend of his dad’s friend’s son. He showed me this picture,” I said handing him the picture of the band. “This one your dad” I said as I pointed at ‘Yu’.

“You only found out yesterday?”

“Yes” I said sighing a sigh of relief knowing he believed me.

“I hope my dad comes soon,” he said as we all smiled.

“What about our dilemma?” Dorian asked.

“What dilemma?” Pat asked innocently. I couldn’t even bare to tell him about everything I had learned.

“Nothing” I said as the doorbell rang. Thank god! I thought as Andreas answered the door.

“My god how long has it been?” Andreas asked as he let this Yu character into the house.

“I know”

“I didn’t think I’d be able to get you here in such sort notice”

“I was in New York when you called, it wasn’t much of a drive” he said modestly as he came into the living room. Pat’s eyes rose and I saw Yu in person he looked more and more like Pat by the minute.

“Dad?” Pat whispered as Yu laid eyes on him for the first time.

“My son” he whispered as they stood in front of each other. Pat stared at his father and Yu stared at his son.

“Son” Yu cried as they embraced.

“Dad” Pat cried out. “It’s so good to finally meet you,” he said.

“I know,” he said soothingly as they released each other from the big bear hug.

“I’ve wanted to be part of your life for as long as I can remember, I believe ever since you were born, but your mother didn’t want me near you” he explained.

“She always made up stories. You were always at work, or you cheated on her” Pat said.

“Well there hasn’t been a day when I don’t think about you”

“What about Joey?”

“Who’s Joey?”

“My brother”

“Oh right. He’s not mine. When I met your mother when she was on vacation, she had Joey already. I didn’t know that until I went to her hometown on tour with the band. Your mother liked to keep secrets”

“Oh I know” my mom spoke up. Yu turned and saw her and he gave her a hard look.

“I remember you, what are you doing here?” he asked harshly.

“Well I’m glad you remember me”

“Damn right I do, Strify what the hell?” he asked using a bizarre name I’d never heard before. I gave Dorian a confused look.

“It’s his stage name, like Yu, Yu isn’t his real name” he whispered to me.

“Oh” I nodded.

“This is her son,” he said pointing at me.

“So?” Yu asked rudely. I had no idea why he hated us so much.

“And I’m his father” and the whole roomed was filled with gasps Pat and Yu at the same time.

“That one time you cheated on Kiro you gave her a kid?” he yelled.

“You need to calm down,” Andreas said.

“So the whole adoption papers thing, that was true?” Pat asked.

“Adoption papers?” Andreas asked confused.

“I made up fake adoption papers because I have nosey kids, so no they are not real, but Riley’s father is Andreas,” my mom said as we sat in awkward silence.

“You were such a bitch back then” Yu broke the silence.

“Well people change” mom said.

“Wait, so you guys are brothers, or half brothers?” Pat asked as I nodded. “Wow, oh that must suck,” he said as I gave him a look as not to say anything more.

“Why must it suck?” Andreas asked as he looked at us. He stared at Dorian as mom stared at me; I just looked at my hands.

“Oh Riley” she said. She didn’t sound disappointed, maybe just a little grossed out.

“What? How did you get it and I didn’t?” Andreas asked as mom shook her head.

“Maybe because I know how to read my son” she said.

“Oh alright. What did you get out of it?” he asked.

“Well our sons, my son, your sons. They… well I don’t know how to put it” she stumbled around what she wanted to say.

“Just spit it out already” Andreas, or was I to call him dad now? No I had a dad, a dad was the figure who was there when you had hockey practice every Sunday morning, who signed you up for little league in the summer, and showed you how to hit a home run and play the guitar. That was my dad, not this stranger who may be my biological father.

“They had sex” Pat finally said through my mom’s blabbering. I blushed a deep red. Andreas’ eyes widened.

“Is this true?” he turned to Dorian.

“Well, uh…”

“Yes” I said for him, I was tired of the mumbling. “But it won’t happen again” I said quickly.

“It better not” he said disgusted.

“Are you disgusted that we’re two guys, or the fact that we’re biologically brothers?” I asked him.

“It’s because your brothers” Yu said. I could see a lot of the traits Pat had in Yu.

“I was married to a man for most of my life” Andreas said as I nodded. “And I loved him, god I still love him and miss him so much” he said his eyes tearing up as mom and Yu went to rub his back and consol him. The only thing my parents didn’t understand was that Dorian and I, we loved each other. What a dysfunctional family. What family has their two kids in love with each other, none of them but us of course.