One in a Million

Returning to Arizona didn’t feel completely right for Aalia. She didn’t expect it to magically solve all her problems, but she wanted to at least feel at home and she didn’t. Not in the slightest. When she stepped into her familiar apartment after her brief flight, her eyes drifted towards the couch and the patio, places that had traces of him all over them. Caroline had breathed a sigh of relief the moment she arrived, clearly happy to be back home, but Aalia could tell she wasn’t herself either.

“I love the color,” Caroline exclaimed with a tiny smile when she entered her bedroom, noticing the bright turquoise walls that Aalia and Dylan had painted quite a while ago.

“I’m glad,” Aalia replied, hugging her best friend tightly.

As she began unpacking her suitcase, Aalia’s hands landed on her yellow sundress. First, she caressed it, reminiscing on all those nights she’d spent with his sweet voice in her ear. Back when he didn’t have a name or a face. Back when things were easier. Dreamier. Far less painful.

Then, she grabbed it and threw it in her closet, not bothering to watch as it fell to the floor in a small heap. It wasn’t worth dwelling on him anymore and she needed to remember that.

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After a few days of unpacking and relaxing, or at least trying to relax, Aalia realized that she needed to back on track with her life. She had taken a year off from school and it was time to worry about college, paying the bills, and moving on.

Caroline, on the other hand, seemed like her old self. She would watch her reality shows, read her magazines, walk her dog Roxy, and make witty comments as usual. She’d been spending extra time at home, and it was a little odd because Aalia was so used to her going out every night with guys, but she was glad her friend’s ways had changed in that department at least.

But there were times when Caroline wasn’t normal. Times when Aalia would look over and catch her staring off into space for no reason. Times when she’d wake up in the middle of the night for a glass of water and hear Caroline crying in her bed. Times when Aalia knew that Caroline wasn’t completely Caroline anymore, and after losing Joe and their child, she had lost a little piece of herself as well.

Aalia took it upon herself to save her. She insisted that both she and Caroline begin taking classes at a community college, and Aalia got a job as a waitress at a local Ruby Tuesday. She figured that she needed to do whatever it took to get her mind off her dreadful summer and bring Caroline along with her.

“Well don’t you look adorable,” Caroline said to her when she emerged from the bathroom one weekday, ready for her first day of work. She was dressed in the mandatory uniform: black pants, a white button-up shirt, and a tie.

“I look like a guy,” she said grumpily, tightening her high ponytail.

“I’d date you,” Caroline said with a wink.

Aalia laughed. “Oh, shut up.” She picked up her sunglasses and car keys, turning to Caroline and pulling her into a hug. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Good luck.”

Aalia slipped on her shoes and it wasn’t until she starting tying her laces that she realized they were her Chuck Taylors. With a quick shake of her head, she brushed off any stinging memories of him and left the apartment.

Her first day on the job was hectic. After just the first hour, her cheeks already burned from smiling so much at her customers, eager for good tips. She clumsily dropped two plates of food and spilled a glass of wine on herself as well, heavily staining her shirt down the middle. Her coworkers were quite annoying as well, giving her dirty looks for being the new girl. But the pay made it somewhat worthwhile and she decided she’d stay. With her father’s trust money running out, she needed every penny she could get.

As she wiped the tables down when closing time came around, the restaurant was quiet without the low buzz of dining customers. She heard her manager changing the channels of the television perched on the wall near the bar and the sounds of the last few dishes being washed in the kitchen. For the most part, she was alone with her thoughts and she hated when that happened.

“I don’t know how else to explain it. Things are just a little crazy right now.”

She heard his voice far too clearly and her heart sped up in rushed anticipation. She turned around frantically, prepared to find him staring back at her. She was almost excited, but her hopes were crushed when she found no one near her but her coworkers wiping down tables as well.

Moments of delayed confusion passed and she realized his familiar voice had come from the television, and when she looked up at it, she met his eyes up on the screen. A montage then began to play of pictures of him and his brothers.

“Hey, could you turn that up for a sec?” she asked her manager politely, who nodded and increased the volume.

The reporter’s loud voice filled the restaurant.

“Teen sensations the Jonas Brothers have just announced their first ever concert cancellation. A Jonas spokesperson gave a statement informing us that Nick, the youngest of the trio, who you just heard, is not feeling well enough to perform tonight in a special one-time-only concert event in LA’s Ford Amphitheater. Fans are no doubt disappointed, but are sending well wishes to Nick over Twitter and other forms of social media.”

The reporter began moving on to another story on some other celebrity and Aalia allowed the volume to be turned down, surprised that the boys were canceling a show but convinced it wasn’t her business anymore. To her, it had probably never been her business in the first place.

“Jonas Brothers fan?” her manager, George, asked with a smirk. He was a tall man with a large build. He had always been nice to Aalia from her very first interview. But still, for some reason, she couldn’t help but feel uneasy in his presence. Maybe because he reminded her too much of pictures she had seen of her father.

“Nah,” she shook her head, turning her attention back to her table, “My friend is though.”

George chuckled. “My niece loves them. I’ll never understand girls with boy bands. She has a whole wall of just their faces, especially that youngest one.”

Aalia tried to smile, feeling awkward but trying not to show it. She finished wiping the tables and prepared to end her shift, more than ready to finally go home.

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Caroline sprawled herself across the coach as Aalia sat cross-legged on the floor with Roxy curled up in her lap. They were watching Mean Girls as part of their weekly chick-flick night, something Aalia had definitely missed. Caroline had made herself a Nutella sandwich to snack on, but when she offered some to Aalia, she was quick to refuse. It reminded her far too much of him and she had had enough of that for the day.

“Four for you, Glen Coco. You go, Glen Coco!” Aalia and Caroline said their favorite line of the movie together, erupting into laughs moments after.

“I love that part,” said Caroline.

“Me too.” Aalia laughed a few more times and gently pulled Roxy, who had been frightened by the sudden noise, back onto her lap.

“I made Joe watch this with me when he told me he hadn’t seen it yet,” Caroline said with a small laugh, but Aalia could hear the sadness in her voice. “Did you hear they cancelled their show tonight?”

Aalia nodded. “Yeah.”

“They’ve never done that before.”

Once again, she didn’t know what to say. The whole subject was sensitive for her and she didn’t want to talk about them.

“I miss him,” Caroline said after some time in a tiny voice.

Aalia sighed, realizing that unlike her, Caroline accepted that she needed to get her feelings out in the open if she ever wanted to move on. Aalia was just too used to keeping to herself. She let Roxy escape from her lap and took a seat on the couch closer to Caroline.

“I know you do,” she said gently. The movie in the background seemed to fade away.

“He told me he loved me when I left.”

Aalia nodded, remembering how tightly Joe had held onto her in front of his house and that pleading look in his eyes when he’d said the words. “Because he does.”

Caroline shook her head. “I didn’t say it back.”

“Why?”

“I don’t deserve him, Aalia. He’s so amazing and I’m just…I don’t even know what my problem is. I’m no good for him and I never have been.”

“You are good for him,” she replied, taking her hand.

“I danced with other guys right in front of him. I drank even when he told me I shouldn’t and I never even told him I was pregnant. You had to tell him.”

“Everyone makes mistakes.” Aalia couldn’t tell her that her actions were forgivable because they weren’t, but she was impressed that Caroline could admit her errors.

“I lost his baby.”

It was then that the tears began to build in Caroline’s eyes and Aalia reached up to cup her face.

“Don’t ever think that was your fault,” she said, “It wasn’t and he knows that.”

Caroline shook her head. “I couldn’t even look at his face when I told him. I just stormed out, thinking he was better off without me messing everything up for him anyway. He deserves better.”

“You are so much more than what you think of yourself,” Aalia began, forcing Caroline to look her straight in the eye until she believed her, “You’re funny and beautiful and talented, and you love with everything you have. You deserve everything you want and more.”

Amidst the compliments, she’d spotted a tiny smile creep up on Caroline’s face. She sniffled and looked up at Aalia for a long time before speaking again.

“You really need to start taking your own advice,” Caroline said.

Aalia laughed humorlessly and didn’t say anything. She suddenly felt cold and didn’t want to talk about herself. She brought her hands back towards her body and protectively wrapped them around her torso.

“You think you don’t deserve anyone after Aiden.”

“Please, Caroline. Don’t,” she pleaded. Aiden’s name was the last thing she wanted to hear.

“Aalia, I know you,” she went on, “What he did to you was shit, but you have to get over it.”

Aalia said nothing, uncomfortable with the sudden turn of the conversation.

“I deserve love and so do you,” Caroline said as she took Aalia’s hand, “There are better guys out there. Better than Nick Jonas, too.” Her voice ended in an amused tone.

Aalia looked at her through teary eyes and tried to believe her. She was right. Aiden did make her feel like she could never be with anyone, and she couldn’t even make complete sense of what happened with Nick yet. She’d never let anyone else in after them. She had that wall still built high.

But despite knowing that obvious flaw of hers—that stubborn nature that made her fully convinced she could never change—she just couldn’t move on from either of them. Not that easily and definitely never by herself.

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The days all seemed to mesh together into a repetitive blur. Aalia spent her early mornings at the gym where she missed Dylan most, her early afternoon in class, the rest of her day at work embarrassing herself, and her evenings with Caroline and Roxy. She was so busy that she didn’t even notice the end of August.

But quickly, things began to change as September rolled around and the time flew. Caroline began to spend her nights on the phone with Joe, which seemed to cheer her up a bit, but also made Aalia feel that much more alone.

Every day, she felt more anxious, and she didn’t want to admit why until the eve of the day came.

September 16th. Nick’s birthday.

She stayed up late with her phone grasped between shaky fingers, trying to decide if she should call him at midnight or not. Her brain and her heart seemed to be fighting each other. She wanted so badly to hear his voice just one last time. She felt compelled to call after all they had been through and everything she knew about him. A tiny sliver of hope still existed somewhere inside her that if she called, everything would go back to normal again and she’d still have him as her Mystery Boy.

But then she thought about the paparazzi. About the supercar and the fancy dinner and the boring tablecloths. About Melissa. About the plane ticket. About everything she’d been fighting to keep out of her head since she’d left. She thought about all of it and decided she just couldn’t do it.

She set the phone down on the coffee table and hugged her knees to her chest.

When the clock struck midnight, she imagined all the people calling him to convey their wishes. She imagined him answering them all, hoping one of them would be her on the other line. But then she realized she was being ridiculous and went to bed, knowing that after what he’d done, she was surely the last thing he would hope for ever again.

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She was beginning to despise that television in the restaurant.

George always insisted on having it on to “please the customers.” During most of Aalia’s shift, the channel was set on SportsCenter for all the people at the bar. But after closing time, it was always changed to that same celebrity gossip channel she had seen on her first day.
As she cleared the tables of dirty dishes and silverware, pitifully trying to balance them all on her arms, she could hear the irritating, high-pitched voice of the announcer explaining the latest Hollywood report.

“Today marks the eighteenth birthday of Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers, who, just days ago, was forced to cancel a concert due to health concerns. Judging by these latest photos of him spending his special day with rumored girlfriend Australian model Melissa Wilson, he’s back on his feet once again and just in time to give his brand new Cadillac, a gift from Melissa herself, a spin. Fans will be happy to hear the brothers are back at the Ford Amphitheatre later this week to make up for that lost show.”

Aalia rolled her eyes and continued working, not wanting to look up at the screen to see the absurd paparazzi photos.

She was thankful that at least they weren’t reporting on her anymore. It shocked her how fame-hungry the press was. They jumped on the next big story and forgot the ones before it just as easily. After the pictures of Nick with Melissa surfaced from that magazine Caroline had mailed Aalia, everyone seemed to forget about her altogether. She still received her fair share of hate mail, but she could avoid it by not even checking her inbox anymore. Sometimes, she was recognized, but her town was small enough that no one really seemed to care, except for her nosy coworkers.

When she got home after her shift, Caroline was locked in her room talking to Joe. Aalia immediately jumped in the shower, wanted to get her mind off him. He entered it so easily throughout her day and she hated it. Her thoughts were racing. She felt angry at him for acting so vain. She had every right to resent him. He’d been the one who had wronged her, and she wasn’t about to give him a reason to think anything had been her fault.

She got out of the shower, wrapped her hair up in a towel, and changed into pajamas before reaching for her phone. She wouldn’t give him the chance to be angry at her for not calling. She had to be the angry one, not him. Her logic was confusing and she wasn’t even sure if she understood it completely, but it made enough sense to make her dial the number and wait for him to answer.

“Hello?” He answered after many rings and his voice sounded apprehensive, almost as if he couldn’t believe she was calling.

“Happy birthday,” she said quickly in a monotone, already feeling awkward and regretting her decision.

He didn’t answer for a few moments.

“It ended fifteen minutes ago.”

She glanced over at the clock and it read 12:15am.

“I’ve been busy,” she said. The discomfort was building to a dangerous level.

“Oh, okay.”

More uncomfortable silence took over and she just wanted it to end.

“Well, bye then,” she said, quickly hanging up the phone, not even waiting for his response.

It took a while for her body to react to what had just happened. From hearing his voice again after so long and witnessing how minuscule their relationship had become, she felt hollow inside. She threw her phone to the side, not wanting to look at it anymore, and buried her face in a pillow, crying because it just wasn’t fair.