What Could Have Been

"We shouldn't be eavesdropping." I mentioned to Chaz as we peered down the hallway. We both couldn't help ourselves -- We just had to see what happened between the two possibly ex-best friends. "It's.. It's wrong.."

"Shh! I can't here them!" He whispered, quietly walking closer. I followed his steps, and made sure that they wouldn't be able to see us.

Justin had finally gotten Ryan's attention by clearing his throat. Ryan whipped around and his eyes widened.

"I'll uh, I'll just go-" He started walking down the hall towards us, but Justin's hand landed on his chest and pushed him back. If you didn't know any better, it would seem as if he was trying to start a fight. Maybe he was, I don't know.

They both just stood there for a few moments, staring at each other with some weird expressions I couldn't pin point. Justin finally snapped out of it and cleared his throat again.

"She, um.. Maddie thinks we need to talk." He said with a weird strain in his voice. It sounded like he had strep throat.

"Of course she does." Ryan mumbled, shaking his head.

"Well, I'm waiting." Justin said suddenly, crossing his arms. Ryan gave him a confused look and crossed his arms as well. "Waiting for what?"

"For you to apologize, of course." He acted as if Ryan was a stupid little kid. "You could told me you at least knew her, don't you think?"

"Well, for your information, she's the one that told me not to tell you, so go ask her for an apology. Plus, I didn't think it was that big of a deal."

"Well obviously it's a big deal now!" Justin yelled, obviously getting angrier. "You knocked my girlfriend up!"

Harsh. That little statement made me mad. Knocked me up? Is that how he saw it? And he said it with such disgust. Yep, I was definitely mad. I almost made myself visible, but Chaz held me back.

"Whoa, there." He said, putting his hands on my shoulders. "This is finally getting good!"

"Yeah, and I guess I'm sorry about that. But you didn't find that out and later than I did. Trust me, if I would have known that I would have told you." Ryan said, putting his hands up in some sort of defense.

"Unfortunately that doesn't make me feel any better."

"Oh, I'm so sorry that you found out that your girlfriend has a kid. Well guess what? I just found out I have a kid, and I've technically had one for about three years now. And I thought I had problems, but man, you beat me by far."

Justin didn't say anything back. He didn't move, he didn't flinch, he didn't do anything. Just went back to staring. I guessed that he couldn't come up with the right thing to say, because what Ryan said was true, his problems were bigger. But were his feelings hurt as much?

I didn't think so.

Justin finally spoke up after a few minutes. "Do you still.. Do you still, you know.." He choked on air, probably not even wanting to think about finishing his question.

"Do I still love her or whatever?" Nice, 'or whatever'. "I don't think that matters."

"So you do." Justin concluded. Ryan shrugged in smart-ass way and pursed his lips. Justin sighed and turned on his heel and walked back down the hallway quickly, not even bothering to yell at us for watching.

"He's mad." Chaz whispered in his kid-like voice. I restrained from giggling and nodded my head. I walked the way he had went, which was past the living room and down into one of the guest rooms. He probably didn't want to talk to me, but I was kind of mad too.

I walked in without knocking and shut the door behind me. He was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.

"So that's what you think?" I asked.

"Do you still feel something for him?" He asked, ignoring my question.

"Is that all you care about?"

"Kind of, Madison." Uh oh, full name. "I mean, you guys do have a kid together.. It would make more sense if you were together.. You know." All of the anger washed from my body from that simple statement.

"I thought we already went over this?" I sat down by him hesitantly and put a hand on his shoulder. "Just because everyone knows about Natalie now, doesn't mean anything. I mean, sure, there will always be that little place for him in my mind because he was the first person I ever.. Whatever. I love you now, though. Only you. You don't need to worry about that."

Did he need to worry? Just the fact that I couldn't answer that made me want to go back in time and erase anything and everything that happened between me and Ryan. Everything, up until the first time I saw his face.

He looked up at me with a smile on his face. "I'm being an idiotic jerk, aren't I?" He asked in amusement. I shrugged and sort of smirked at him. He sighed and fell back onto the bed, putting his hands over his face.

"Ugh, he probably hates me." He said.

"No he doesn't." I told him, being completely serious. I had a feeling. "Maybe if you apologize, everything will be a-okay again and we can all live happily ever after."

He sat back up again and gave me a huge grin. "Have I told you I love you today yet?" He asked. I rolled my eyes at how cheesy he was and pushed him to stand up.

"No sweet talking. Just apologies." I opened the door, revealing his two friends, eavesdropping just like Chaz and I had done. Ryan stood with a crooked smile on his face.

"Did you hear all that?" Justin asked. "Do you know I'm really sorry for being an ass?"

Ryan nodded and held out his hand. Justin pulled him into one of those manly hugs, which made me smile.

That smile quickly disappeared when, behind Justin's back, and in the most disgustingly seductive way, Ryan winked.

And smirked like he didn't believe a word I had just said.

"I wish my life could be the way it was before I saw your face."