What Could Have Been

I only had to endure two weeks left with the guy. Two fucking weeks, simple as that, all I had to do was ignore him. But I didn't. I was a stupid, curious, little idiot who couldn't stay away. Not from him.

I'm pretty sure we were in Louisiana. Some town I had never heard of where there was nothing to do. Sure, all of the boys found something to pass the time by. But it was probably one of their water fights, or their horrible "jam sessions". I learned to stay away from those, because when you try and listen to Kenny sing along to 'Teenage Dream' it permanently damages your opinion on Katy Perry.

I expected that sunny day to be nice and relaxing. I had a comfortable outfit on and no one was going to be around to bother me, and I wasn't going to do anything until we all had to go to the concert. Just a day full of sitting around eating and Gossip Girl, seasons 3 and 4. I had just sat down with an apple in one hand, and the remote to the flat screen TV in front of me in the other, when someone walked up behind me. They didn't say anything at first, so I though it was just some random person who forgot something. But then arms wrapped around my shoulders slowly, and I assumed it was Justin because, who else would do that?

"Hey," I said in an almost seductive voice. I heard the person laugh lowly, and I automatically recognized it.

It wasn't Justin.

I stood up and turned around quickly, throwing Ryan the biggest death glare I could. He was still laughing, with his arms crossed over his chest. "Aw c'mon, that was going well." He said. I knew he was just trying to make me mad. But I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

"Yeah, until I realized it was you." I retorted, crossing my own arms. He laughed again. "Oh, did you think I was Mr. Perfect?" He was referring to Justin, and it made me want to punch him. Yes, I wanted to reply, He is perfect. Compared to you, everyone is.

I didn't respond, even though I really wanted to say something at least sarcastic, and backed up a little with my arms still crossed. I wanted to seem like I hated him, I wanted to seem like I was as happy as ever, I wanted to seem like him being around didn't faze me.

But it did. I can't deny that.

I backed up a little more, making him laugh. "Oh come on, Mads. Are you scared of me or something? I thought we knew each other better than that." He said, fake pouting, as he walked forwards towards me. I stopped backing up in hopes that he would stop moving forward, but that didn't make a difference. He got right in front of me, to where you couldn't even put a piece of paper between us. And for some reason, I didn't back up.

"You're a fucking dick." I said, trying to resist the urge to look up. If I did, I would get lost in the blueness of his eyes. I knew I would. I always used to.

"And you're a total bitch.. But that won't stop me." I quickly looked up and saw him smirking. "Won't stop what?" I asked.

"From doing this," He said, then kissed me. On the lips. And not one of those quick, 'OMG did we just do that' kisses, one of those sloppy, I-don't-care-if-God-is-watching kisses. And what grossed me out even more, was that I kissed back. With the same aggression, and hatred, and passion. It was like I had to, I almost needed to. I missed kissing him, hugging him, laughing with him. I missed him, I missed us.

As soon as I actually thought about what I was doing, I pushed him back as far as I could and gasped. With a hand over my mouth, I stumbled all over. My legs felt like jelly, and my heart felt like concrete. I looked up to see that Ryan didn't look guilty at all. He was standing with his arms crossed again. He looked annoyed, but that smirk was still present. The only thing running through my mind is how much of a horrible girlfriend I was being just then.

Anger filled up inside me as I stared at Ryan. He looked so smug -- Like he didn't just kiss his best friend's girlfriend. Like he didn't just make my life ten times worse. Like he wasn't the cause for all of the stress and confusion I suffered through. So much anger was building that I lost, for a split second, and walked over quickly and slapped him across his left cheek.

"That's for kissing me." I said, then slapped his right cheek. "That's for everything else. God, if I wasn't such a wimp I would crush your face in right now." I walked over to the very open doorway, where anyone could have saw, and turned around.

"Listen to me." I started, running a hand through my hair. "Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't even breath when you are around me. And if you tell him about this I swear I will kill you." I seethed, then stomped out of his sight into the bathroom, thinking about what I just said. Was I serious about the last part?

Well I would just have to wait and see.

"Tell me, are you gonna kiss, kiss and tell?"