What Could Have Been

That day blew past way too fast for my taste. It was like everyone was in the huge taxi at eleven, then suddenly at some zoo at two. Everyone was even getting along. We all joked around with each other, and laughed our heads off. I had even spoken a few normal words to Ryan. But it just.. Didn't seem right. The whole day didn't seem right. I was keeping way too many secrets away from everyone. My head was about to explode from the stress. I guess I as going along with the famous line from Mean Girls.

"That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets."

Soon enough we were all split into little groups, looking at the different animals. Caitlin, Christian, and Nolan were all together, Ryan and Chaz were together, and then there was me and Justin. We were looking at all the monkey's. I smiled, even though there was an awful smell in the building. The lemurs and koalas and all the other weird species of monkey's were just too cute.

I was practically up against the glass, staring at some animals whose name I couldn't pronounce. It looked like one of the females had just had babies or something a couple of days before, because there were tiny little creatures in the far back corner being nurtured by the female. One of the babies reminded me of Natalie. It was the tiniest of the group, and had a heart shaped face almost, and a baby face. Just like little Nat. It made me want to cry, but I was saved by Justin wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

"Hey there, beautiful. What's wrong?" He asked, noticing how tense I was.

I shook my head. "Nothing. It's just.." I trailed off, remembering that Justin knew Natalie as a little girl that lived with me at the time, and nothing else. "These monkey things are so adorable!" I quickly recovered. He softly laughed in my ear, making my nerves calm down. How could he do that so easily?

"Not as adorable as you, though." He whispered. I rolled my eyes and giggled without thinking.

"You're such a loser." I joked. He squeezed my hips right as a throat was cleared from behind us. We both turned around saw that everyone was standing behind us. I blushed easily, knowing that they most likely heard our little interaction. They just stared with smirks on their face, except one. I frowned at him. He could not like me being with Justin all he wanted to. Caitlin finally grinned at me after she noticed how awkward I looked.

"You two are so adorable. If I had a video camera.." She trailed off once I started glaring at her.

"You wouldn't be able to use it, because I wouldn't let you." I finished for her. She stuck her tongue out at me and crossed her arms.

"Well, I'm hungry. Are you hungry? Because I'm like super hungry." Christian started to ramble, pulling everyone towards the exit. I let out a huge breath and tried to calm myself down. Why was I so tense all of a sudden? I shook my head at myself. I knew exactly why.

I felt a hand go around my shoulders as I was pulled into a body.

"Hey, are you okay?" Justin whispered. I looked at him and smiled.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I lied. He gave me a disappointed look, but let it go and acted like he didn't notice anything.

"Good. Are you hungry? Because I'm hungry," He mocked Christian, giving me one of his famous grins. I laughed and punched him in the shoulder. I loved how he could cheer me up, just like that. Not many people were able to do that.

Once we had caught up with everyone, it was back to normal again. No awkward silences, just laughter and regular conversations. I was actually genuinely happy for a short time there, but then everyone had to get split up again. Into the wrong groups.

"I'm about to burn to a crisp," Caitlin said, making everyone laugh. "Can we leave now?"

"I was just about to say the same thing." I commented. Everyone nodded and looked at Justin, since he had the car keys.

"What? You want these?" He asked, taking them out of his pocket. I quickly grabbed them out of his hand and smirked.

"You're too sneaky." I told me, poking my side. I kept the smirk on my face and started walking towards the exit with everyone. Then Caitlin suddenly stopped, touching the top of her head.

"Oh my gosh. I left my sunglasses in the aquarium." She squealed. Everyone groaned, saying things like, "So?" and "Who cares?"

"You don't get it! They were designer glasses! It took me weeks to save up for them!" She started running back the other way. I looked at Justin, who was already two steps ahead of me.

"You guys go on, we'll catch up." He called back. I crossed my arms and looked at all of the boys in front of me. They all had the same looks on their faces: Annoyed and tired. Except Christian. I don't think he's ever tired. I held back the urge to pinch his cheeks and sighed.

"Well let's-" I started.

"Wait!" Christian interrupted. "Can I go buy another smoothie? Please? They were really good!" He asked me, sounding like a three year old. I couldn't help but smile and nod.

"Sure, but someone has to go with you." I said. He narrowed his eyes at me and grabbed Chaz by his elbow and started pulling him the way Caitlin went. Before I noticed, Nolan was calling out, "I wanna come!" and running to catch up with him. Just great. I slowly turned around to see the grinning face of the person I despised the most.

"Well I guess it's just you and me, beautiful." He said.

"Don't call me that." I snapped and started walking towards the exit. I hoped he would follow the others and not come with me. But that was way to much to ask for, wasn't it?

I could see him walking by my side with a smile on his face out of the corner of my eye. I wanted to punch him so much it hurt. But I didn't, because if I did people would scream and I didn't want to cause a scene. At least, that's the reason I tried telling myself. The real one? I didn't, because I didn't want to ruin his happy mood. I remembered how much fun we used to have when he was in a good mood.

I got to the huge black van and jumped in, going to the far back. He copied my actions and sat himself right by me, sitting pretty much on my lap. I started feeling nervous, like he would try and repeat what happened years ago. But I pushed the thought away quickly. He wouldn't do that, we were in the middle of the parking lot and he had surely matured, hadn't he?

I sighed. Nothing was going right for me those days, it seemed. If I was alone I might have cried. I wasn't alone, though. I was in a car with my ex-boyfriend.

"So, how's your day been?" He asked like we were old friends.

"Don't even start," I grumbled. "I'm in no mood to hear your voice right now."

"Ouch." He said. I could almost feel the smirk grow on his face. "What, does it bring back memories?" He asked, leaning closer to me. I shot my head up and glared at him, not even noticing how close we were in that moment.

"Screw you." I spat. He rolled his eyes and sat back in his seat.

"What happened to happy go lucky Maddie? What happened to the Maddie who always smiled, no matter what?" He asked.

I looked down at my fingers. "You made her disappear." I mumbled, hoping he didn't hear me. Obviously he did. I heard a him whisper, "I'm sorry." like he actually meant it. That made me straighten me.

"Don't even say that, because you don't mean it. God, how often does this shit happen? Everything was actually going pretty good, but then you.. Ugh." I got up from the back seat and made my way to the front passengers spot. I think I heard someone sob, but it was probably just me.

"It's a little too late, to say that you sorry now."