What Could Have Been

I should have been happy. It was the day we were going to Atlanta to stay for a few days, then make our way to California for some more endless concerts. I was going to get to see my family, and Felicia. I should have been happy, but I knew once everyone came to my house, which I knew they would, that somehow they would find out my little secret.

The feeling was gnawing away at my stomach as we all piled into the big black van and sped off towards my house. It was me, Justin, his friends, Pattie, Kenny, pretty much all the important ones. They only wanted to come to see Natalie. But I only wanted them to not come because of Natalie.

"I can't wait to see her! She is doing okay, isn't she Maddie?" Pattie exclaimed, looking back at me. I nodded quickly then looked down as I played with the hem of my dress.

We pulled up to my modern looking home and everyone hopped out. I noticed that Ryan was more tense than usual, if that was possible. I would have been too if I was him. Once my father recognized who he was he probably wouldn't be able to walk again. I hoped I was over exaggerating in my mind as I walked in front of everyone towards the front door. Before we reached it, it swung open to reveal a very excited woman that I call Mom.

"There you are!" She shrieked, running towards me. She gave me one of the biggest hugs, then turned her attention to everyone else, greeting and hugging them too. There's my mom for you.

The next person to walk out of the house was my sister Mariah. She hugged me, but with less enthusiasm. Before she pulled away she whispered in my ear.

"You better not let dad see him."

I gave her a panicked look, but she put her hands on my shoulders to calm me down. "I got this." She said.

I led everyone into the huge living room in my house and waited for everyone to sit down. I wanted to just tell them all there what I had been keeping from them so I could get it out of the way, but of course it wasn't going to happen that way. My mother sat by Pattie and started chit-chatting away about things i was too scared to listen to. My sister stood by me with a fake smile on her face as we waited for my dad to come in the room.

"I talked to mom about.. You-Know-Who. She isn't happy." She whispered in my ear. I sighed and rubbed my temples, trying to prepare for what I knew was going to happen.

She bumped me in the hip and pointed to Natalie, who was making her way down the stairs. She could barely walk, but she made it. My dad was right behind her, watching every move she made. The first person she noticed was Justin, which didn't surprise me any. She loved him, which made me smile.

"How are you doing gorgeous?" He asked her as she crawled into his lap. She smiled at him and held up a thumbs up, something I had taught her. She played with him and Kenny while I walked over to talk to my dad. Mariah came with me.

"Dad, I need to talk to you." I said. He looked up from his phone, but his eyes went straight past me to the person he probably hated the most. His face hardened and he dropped his phone to the floor.

"What. The hell. Is he doing here?" He seethed. His nostrils flared while he made fists with his hands.

I held my hands up to try and stop him from exploding. "Dad, just calm down. Let me explain-"

"Hey, have you ever noticed that Natalie looks really familiar?" I heard Kenny's booming voice say. I closed my eyes tight. Why? Why did he have to say that? Those simple words made my dad set off.

"I'll tell you why!" He yelled, stomping into the room.

"Dad, stop it. Not here. Not now." I told him, running to the middle of the room. Everyone watched us like we were a soap opera reaching its climax. And we were, really.

"I can do whatever I want. He thinks he can come in this house and act like nothing happened?" He yelled back at me.

"He doesn't know! No one does! And they don't need to!"

"Know what?" Pattie asked, sounding alarmed.

My dad opened his mouth to speak, but I held a hand up. "I think.. I think I should tell them." I sat down next to Justin and let my tears fall freely. I looked up at him, and saw that he looked pissed and confused and sad. "Don't be mad, please.." I whispered.

"It started when I lived back in Tennessee. I was definitely not who I am now, by far. But then.. But then I met Ryan." I paused for a second so I could wipe my tears. Everyone gasped, except for my family, who were all sitting back with pained looks on their faces. "We uh, we dated. For a long time, actually. But then we did something that I totally regret now, and that's.. That's how we ended up with Natalie. But at the time I was ashamed.. And I didn't want him to get hurt.. So we moved here, and I started a new life. Then I met you, Justin, and everything seemed to feel alright again." When I finished I looked up at him and saw that he was still holding Natalie while trying to hold back tears.

I looked at everyone else. Their mouths were pretty much hanging open, and Pattie, well.. Pattie looked sad almost. Like she felt bad for me. I would rather have her be sad than mad. Then I looked at Ryan. If I wasn't mistaken, he was crying. He stood up abruptly, making everyone jump.

"So what your saying is that you left because you were pregnant? Everyone was right? And you didn't tell me?! Why didn't you tell me!?" He shouted. My dad stood up and motioned for him to calm down.

"You have no right to be mad." He said.

"I have no right? What even.." It was like has was having a mini panic attack in my living room. He sat back down and dropped his head into his hands.

"I had to leave! If I didn't everything would have been.." I didn't finish. I just sat there and let myself cry as much as I wanted to.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Justin asked all of the sudden.

"I.. I thought it would be easier.." I said. He shook his head at me and looked away, tears obviously forming in his eyes. I stood up and ran out of the room. Away from them, away from problems, away from my messed up life.

"I'm gonna give all my secrets away.."