I'm Terrified. I'm a Catastrophe.

I’m terrified of the future.

Death is inevitable. What will happen when one close family member dies? What happens when my parents die? Or my brothers, or anyone? What will I do? How will I feel? How would I ever go on?

I’ve got these big dreams. But I’m doubting myself. Do I really have the same passion as all the others? The same amount of passion?
What if I never make it?
How do I even begin? Will I lose myself like others? Will my family stand beside me no matter what? When I start to lose my roots, will they save me?

I’m trapped. I can’t go anywhere.
How do I go for an adventure, if I can’t open the door? I feel like I’m wasting my time here, sitting. Waiting. Writing and thinking about this so often, when I should be trying to overcome all these things. They say you only have yourself to make it happen. You only have so little time.
Why does that contradict with others who say, we have a lifetime to worry and accomplish everything?
Who’s right?
I’m trapped. And I can’t open this door. This death is torturing me. And my doubts are haunting me.

I’m shaking; I’m terrified, I’m in doubts. I'm sure, I'll be like this until it's over. But hey, we’ve got to move on somehow.
Somehow...
Maybe, with someone by my side...
But who would ever stand by me? I'm a catastrophe.