Secrets Will Kill You

We got back to John’s room and told him what we felt. My mind was somewhere else at the moment so I didn’t hear every word…but I knew it ended with John promising he wouldn’t hunt the damn demon until Dean was okay. Then we all left to get an Ouija board and then as night fell we got back and walked into Dean’s room, shutting the door. This had to work…I know Dean was around…and I’m not the only one…so I’m not completely crazy…only half crazy.

“Hey. I think maybe you’re around, and if you are…don’t make fun of me for this, but, um…there’s one way we can talk” Sam spoke into the air and then pulled out the Ouija board from the bag.

“And don’t even make any slumber party cracks” I said. “Yea, just no cracks at all” Brit said and we all sat on the floor side by side with the board in front of us and Sam was in the middle.

Sam placed his fingers on the planchette. “Dean…are you here?” he sighed.

We waited in silence…and seconds later, the planchette moved to the word “Yes” on the board. We all sighed in relief. “Dean…” I whispered.

“It’s good to hear from you, man. It hasn’t been the same without you, Dean” Sam said.

Then the planchette started to move to different letters. It spelt out “hunt”. “Hunt? Hunting? Are you hunting?” Brit asked. “Dean, it’s in the hospital, what you’re hunting…do you know what it is?” Sam asked.

“Sam, one question at a time” I murmured and laughed so lightly, it was barely even audible. It started to move again and it spelt out “reap”.

“A reaper?” Brit asked.

“Dean, is it after you?” Sam asked and it moved to the word “yes”.

“If it’s here naturally then there’s no way to stop it…” I stated.

“Man…you’re…”

“Screwed” Brit finished for Sam.

“No…no, no, no. There has to be a way” I said, standing up. “She’s right, dad’ll know what to do” Sam said, standing up as well and so did Brit.

They both left the room and I was about to but then I went back to the board. “Dean…did you hear…what I said today to you?” I asked.

After a few seconds, it moved to the word “no”. “Damn” I sighed, standing again. “You heard” I said and groaned in annoyance before running out of the room to catch up with Sam and Brit.

~~~~

We walked to John’s room but when we got there, he wasn’t there. While Brit and I waited outside Dean’s room. “So…you think Dean heard you before…?” she asked.

I snapped my eyes at her and glared. “What? That was a serious question!” she claimed.

I sighed but before I could reply, Sam came back with John’s journal in hand and we all walked into the room. Sam sat beside Dean on one side and so did Brit, I got to the other side to sit beside him.

“Hey. So dad wasn’t in his room…but I got Dad’s journal, so who knows? Maybe there’s somethin’ in here” Sam said.

“We’re going to do everything we can to find something to help Dean” Brit added. I just stood there, looking down at him.

~~~~

A very long while went by as we each took turns to look inside John’s journal to give each other a small break. But…it seemed like we just couldn’t find anything in there to help us. I paced a little as Brit was the one with the journal now and I then I sat on top of the radiator just looking out the window, up at the moon.

“Dean, are you here?…we couldn’t find anything in the book…I don’t know how to help you. But I’ll keep tryin’, all right? As long as you keep fighting” Sam started saying.

I looked over at him and I saw Brit murmur something to him encouragingly and he nodded…but he didn’t hear her….I could tell. His mind wasn’t on her words…it was on his dying brother…and I know he would trade places with him in a heartbeat…because I would do the same for Brit if (God forbid) she was in Dean’s position. He stared down at his brother and laughed a little to himself.

“I mean, come on, you can’t leave me here alone with Dad, we’ll kill each other, you know that…” he continued…and then his smile went away as the tears became more visible.

“Dean, you gotta hold on. You can’t go, man, not now. We were just startin’ to be brothers again…can you hear me?”

I hopped off the radiator. “He can hear you. Dean may or may not be in this very room with us right now but he’s conscious inside his body which can still hear you. He wont leave you. He’s going to be just fine” I nodded, folding my arms…but all of that seemed to just be for convincing myself instead of Sam.

Then…all of a sudden…Dean shot up in his spot, gasping for air. I jumped and stared in shock. “Help! We need help!” Brit yelled into the hallway as Sam stared at me in shock as well…it was a good thing Brit’s brain was still functioning.

Doctors rushed in as I backed up to the radiator, putting my hands on it to balance myself. Once the tube was taken out of Dean and he was unhooked from the machines, we all gathered around his bed and when all the doctors were out of the room, we each explained a little part of what happened to him…then his doctor came in and was reading his chart.

“I can’t explain it. The edema’s vanished. The internal contusions are healed. Your vitals are good. You’ve got some kind of angel watchin’ over you”

“Thanks, Doc” Dean spoke and the doctor left.

“So a reaper was after me?” he asked. “Yeah” Sam replied.

“How’d I ditch it?”

“You got us…” Brit started.

“Dean, you really don’t remember anything?” I asked, skeptically.

“No…except this pit in my stomach. Guys, something’s wrong” he said and I stared at him, incredulous and then a knock came from the door and we saw it was John.

“How you feelin’, dude?” John asked, smiling as he walked in.

Sam’s jaw clenched as Brit had a hard look as well but it was lighter than Sam’s. “Fine, I guess. I’m alive”

“That’s what matters”

“Where were you last night?” Sam asked, trying to be nonchalant but it wasn’t working.

“I had some things to take care of”

“Well, that’s specific”

“Come on, Sam” Dean tried.

“Yea, Sam, it’s no big deal…” I even tried…but he seemed to ignore us both.

“Did you go after the demon?”

“No”

“You know, why don’t I believe you right now?” Sam glared.

Dean sighed and I gave him a sad look. I had the urge to grab his hand…but I hesitated…and then just ignored the urge all together. John smiled though, un-phased by Sam.

“Can we not fight? You know, half the time we’re fightin’, I don’t know what we’re fightin’ about. We’re just buttin’ heads. Sammy, I...I’ve made some mistakes. But I’ve always done the best I could. I just don’t wanna fight anymore, okay?” he pleaded, still smiling at his youngest son.

Something was not right at all.

“Dad, are you alright?” Sam asked as his mood lightened up.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m just tired” Sam nodded. “Hey, Sam, would you mind, uh…would you mind gettin’ me a cup of caffeine?”

“Yeah…yeah, sure, dad” Sam said, gently.

“Brittney…will you go with him?” he smiled…gratefully at her?

“Yes sir” she nodded.

When she walked by him, he said something to her so none of us could hear…but I could. He said, “You’re a really sweet girl Brittney…be good to my son” I stared at John in such a way that just didn’t understand what was going on. I stared as John watched Sam walk out with tears in his eyes. Why was John crying?

He turned to look at us. “What is it?” Dean asked. John didn’t look at me anymore as he got closer to Dean. He looked at Dean like I was just invisible…and I was perfectly fine with that.

“You know, when you were a kid…I’d come home from a hunt and after what I’d seen, I’d be…I’d be wrecked…and you’d…come up to me, and you’d put your hand on my shoulder, and you’d look me in the eye, and you’d…” his voice broke a little as more tears filled his eyes…and I’ll admit, tears filled my eyes as well. “…you’d say, ‘It’s okay, Dad.’…Dean…I’m sorry”

“For what?”

“You shouldn’t have had to say that to me. I should’ve been sayin’ that to you. You know, I put…I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, and you took care of me. You did that and you didn’t complain…not once” he paused, smiling at Dean in a father-type way as a tear ran down his cheek.

“I just want you to know…that I am so proud of you” He started to actually cry.

I wanted to say something…but I knew I shouldn’t…and I also knew that I couldn’t…and I didn’t know what to say anyway. “Is this really you talkin’?” Dean asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s really me” John chuckled.

“Why are you sayin’ this stuff?”

John got a little closer and laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder as he stared right in Dean’s eyes. “I want you to watch out for Sammy, okay?”

“Yeah, Dad, you know I will. You’re scarin’ me” Dean was near tears…it hurt just being in their presence.

“Don’t be scared, Dean…you need to look out for Melissa too…Will needs you to…”

“But, John, he asked you to look out for me” I finally spoke while tears were flowing down my cheeks.

He looked up at me and just smiled before looking back at Dean. “Yeah, I’ll look out for Melissa too dad…”

“And Brittney. Sammy needs her around”

“Yeah dad, and Brittney…but please...why are you talking like this?” Dean asked, crying now as well.

He didn’t answer aloud though…instead, he bent down closer to whisper in Dean’s ear…and for some reason…I couldn’t hear what he was saying. Then he pulled away with Dean looking mortified. Neither of them said anything more. John just nodded and then walked out.

“Dean…Dean what did he say?” I asked.

“Go after him…” he whispered. “Go!” he yelled.

Without another word, I ran out of the room. “John!” I raced to him. He turned slowly. “John…please…what’s going on?” I pleaded.

“Time…is of the essence…that’s what your father always said…among a lot of other things that I most likely will never understand" He forced a smile. "…don’t take that for granted though Melissa…Dean needs you…and you need him…”

“John, I-I don’t understand…” I said, being flustered. “Don’t…don’t do whatever you’re going to do okay? Just don’t. Sam and Dean need you” I stressed.

“No they don’t, they need each other more…and now they need you girls…you’re the spitting image of your father in every way…hold onto that…” he spoke and continued to walk away.

I stood there…unable to make sense of any of his words. I pushed my legs to move after him but when I got to the room that he walked into…he was on the floor. “John? John!” I yelled, racing to his side.

Before I could even scream for help, Sam and Brit walked by and looked at me. Sam dropped the coffee, spilling it everywhere, calling to his father. He bellowed for help as Brit ran to go get some. Tears were still flowing down my face as everything was just moving in slow motion. I saw Sam’s lips moving as he spoke to John…who was unresponsive…and he didn’t have a pulse either…then doctors ran in. I saw their lips moving quickly…but I couldn’t hear what they were saying.

I stood slowly as a nurse escorted me out of the room. I walked back to Dean’s room seeing he was getting dressed. He looked at me in distraught, maybe? I couldn’t tell…my eyes were blurry from the water. I shook my head and I stepped to the side as he ran out of the room to Sam down the hallway. I started walking in the opposite direction.

“No, no he’s our dad!” I heard Dean protest. I heard some other lost words and then I heard words that I did not like the sound of: Time of death…10:41.

I kept walking. I walked out of the hospital and stood off to the side of the parking lot where the curb met a field of grass. I stared up at the cloudy sky as rain was pouring down over me. I felt Brittney’s presence as she got closer to me but I ignored her and just continued to stare up at the sky.

If there’s a God…why does he put people through so much pain? Why does he give pain to those who don’t deserve it? Is everyone such bad sinners to deserve bad things happen to them? Or does he choose who takes the pain? Are we being punished for saving lives? Does he see it as us taking control of who lives and who dies, which is really his job? It’s not true. We aren’t trying to take control of the powers of God…we’re just trying to help others and save them from feeling the pain that we feel…the pain that Sam and Dean go through for losing their mom…the pain they’re going to go through for losing their dad…the pain Brit goes through for losing everything she had…the pain I go through for losing my true idol. The man I looked up to…to guide me and help me through life. The big question here is: Why does God choose to give so much pain to the ones who just simply don’t deserve it.

Brit was talking…trying to comfort me…but I missed everything she said because of my thoughts. I felt her presence disappear as she walked away…and then I felt someone else walk close by but I chose to ignore them as the anger built up inside me.

“Do you think we can handle the pain?! Is that it!? Huh! You think we can just go on and live our lives when you are taking away everyone we care about?! You think that’s okay?!” I yelled.

Thunder sounded and lightning struck. “Yea, I’m right here! Come on!” I instigated.

I was going crazy. Yelling up to the black sky…it was craziness. “Melissa!” a voice yelled over the rain.

I spun to look at Dean who had tears blending with the rain and his eyes were a little red. “I’m sorry, Dean. I tried. I didn’t know what he was doing or planning. I tried talking to him though, I did” I babbled through my tears.

He didn’t say anything…he just shut me up by pulling me into his chest and hugged me. I didn’t even pay attention to the fact that it was weird hugging Dean because I was crying into his shirt as he cried into my hair, hugging me in such a safe and secure way…