You Were Fake, I Was Great, Nothing Personal

(For those of you who are just clicking 'next chpater', this is Jack's POV)

I couldn't take sitting besdide Alex any longer. I wanted - needed - out. What if this was all a big mistake? A huge, crappy, unavoidable mistake. I wasn't in love with Alex. I couldn't be. But I [I[was. And that hurt most of all. But the one thing I couldn't work out, the one thing that bothered me the most, was that I couldn't stop thinking about Beth. What had this done to her? What did it make her? She'd had me for a boyfriend - I may have seemed perfect at the time, but what if now I was just attention seeking? What if I really loved Beth, and not Alex? It was all too much. Is that why I had reacted the way I reacted when Zack was getting all pissed? Too many questions. I needed to see Beth, and as soon as possible. I found myself outside the hospital and running towards the apartment I shared with Beth.

I reached the door, which was partially open, and pushed it. Beth had all my stuff thrown around her, a big suit case, but she wasn't packing. She was just sat on the floor crying.
'Beth,' I whispered. Her head shot up, and when she saw me, she smiled.
'I was going to kick you out, but I can't bring myself to,' She wiped away her tears. I walked towards her and encased her in my arms, and let her breath against my chest be a relief. She was still crying as I began to stroke her hair.
'Shh,' I whispered. 'Shh.'
'But Jack - You don't love me. You love Alex. You're gay - but I still love you. I just can't go on without you here!' Her crying was getting worse, and I pulled her closer to me. All of my negative thoughts about her dissapeared as we stood together in silence, with Beth's crying being the only sound.
'It doesn't change how I felt about you Beth,' I said.
'Felt.' She repeated. 'Past tense. You love Alex, don't you. I don't have another chance,' She didn't say it as a question, but as she pulled away, I nodded. She made tiny little panting sounds. 'But I'm pregnant, Jack. What do I do? When it's born, it wont have it's father and I'll have to say that you're gay and-'
'I never said anything about leaving you to do this alone,' I took her hands. 'The way I feel now about you is no different to the past few months; it's just now that you know. I mean, I haven't loved Alex for that long - well, I might have, but I only just realised and - Beth, I loved you. I still do, in a weird way, but as a best friend,' I smiled.
'You love your best friend,' She whispered.
'Exactly!' I smiled even wider, and she managed a small laugh. 'I need you in my life, Beth. Can't we just be friends?'
'I can't stay on my own. Not here. Not after so many years, Jack.'
'Rommies? Flat mates? Whatever you want us to be, we can be it.' I let go of her hands.
'Together?' She whimpered.
'That can't happen,' I said, as I suddenly realised that, yes, I loved Beth, but I loved Alex more. She kept crying for a while, leaning on my shoulder, until she pulled away.
'At least now I know why you two had such a great fashion sense,' She smiled at me, and I smiled back.
'That isn't to do with being gay - I mean, we've seen the way some gays dress -, that's to do with me and Alex. It's the way we are. Being gay isn't the answer to that,' I whispered, moving her hair out of her face. The truth was, we needed eachother, we just couldn't be together at the same time. She finally understood that. As much as Alex hated her, I loved her. I couldn't help that.
'Jack?' She asked.
'Yeah?'
'This is probaly going to be my last chance to do this, so can I just..?' I stared at her, not quite sure what she meant, until her lips were pressed against mine. The hunger coming from her side of the kiss was by far the most I had ever felt before, but I could only return it with a small, soft, caress. She pulled away, her make up stained down her face, and stared sadly at my face.
'I love you, Jack Barakat,' She whispered, and turned to walk away.
'Where are you going?' I asked.
'You left my hairspray on the kitchen side - I'll have to put the fucking can away now!' She laughed, rolling her eyes. Yes, I loved Beth. And I always would, not matter who, or what, tried to get in the way.

Back at the hospital, Alex was waiting for me when I arrived.
'Jack!' He called when he saw me.
'Hey, dude,' I said when I reached him.
'I'm good to go in about five minutes,' Alex smiled.
'That's great. And I've sorted some shit out, so I'm all okay now.'
'You've spoken to Zack?' Alex beamed.
'Not exactly. I spoke to Beth, and-'
'Man, I thought you were way over her!' Alex rolled his eyes, suddenly seeming angry.
'But Alex, I love-'
'I thought you loved me!' He yelled, tears welling in his eyes.
'I do, Alex, but Beth is-'
'What, she's your past? Well, news flash, so am I! Since ninth grade! We've got more history!'
'I love you more, Alex. And if you loved me, you'd understand how I need to get used to this!'
'Get used to this!?' His tears began falling. 'If you loved me, you wouldn't need to get used to it. It would be love. Easy.'
'Alex, you don't get it. You're the one - I can feel it - but Beth and me, we've been together for years. I got her fucking pregnant, for crap sake. I need her.' I whispered the last bit. Alex wiped away his tears.
'We can get our own apartment, yeah? Away from here. Far away. With no Beth, no Val. Deal?' Alex begged.
'Alex, I can't I need Beth.' I said, as a doctor told Alex he could leave.