Sunspots and Raindrops

A beautiful banner made by queenofvermont over on 'Zilla. Thanks! :)

Brendon had texted me early one morning and told me to come down to the smoothie café where he worked. It was a Saturday afternoon and I hadn’t been anticipating leaving the house that day, but when he practically begged me to visit, telling me repeatedly that I wouldn’t regret it, there was no way that I could say no.

So, I rolled out of bed and changed into some jeans and a pullover hoodie before walking out the door. Upon walking toward my mom’s car, I heard her call my name from the end of the sidewalk. When I looked, I saw her standing in front of a silver Honda Civic.

She threw her arms out in a gesture of surprise and exclaimed, “Tah dah!” But I was too busy picking my jaw up off the cement driveway to really pay attention to what she was saying.

I walked across the lawn to the car to get a better look at it. It was cute and exactly what I had wanted. My mom was beaming at me as I smiled at the vehicle.

“Happy early birthday, honey!” She swept me up in her arms and for a moment, I felt like things were back to the way they had been when we’d moved to Vegas. Aside from my how broken hearted she had been then and now wasn’t, everything seemed as it had been.

“This is really for me?” I couldn’t believe it. I had to keep looking at the car to be sure that it wouldn’t disappear right before I woke up from the dream that I believed I was having.

“It really is,” she kept her arm around my shoulder and kept me close to her as she added, “Thomas helped pick it out for you.”

My bubble burst as instantly as my smile faltered and I dropped my arms from around my mom so that I could look at the car. I didn’t want to be obvious about it, but I was observing to be sure the car was in the right condition to be driven. I wasn’t going to try to drive it and then go careening off of a cliff because Thomas had sliced the tires open.

“Thanks, mom.” I said, giving her another (slightly more awkward and reluctant) hug before taking the keys that she offered me and hopping in the front seat. There was sunroof that was opened entirely by the time I was at the end of the block and I blasted my stereo as loud as I could. It was freeing, really, to finally be able to go where I wanted when I wanted and I tried not to think about who this car was partially from.

I got to the café and noticed Brendon behind the counter automatically. He was mixing something in a blender but was bouncing to music that was probably in his head. I laughed as I parked my car and then walked inside, hearing applause upon entering.

Needless to say that I was very confused.

Brendon noticed me instantly and when I sat down at a booth, he rounded the corner of the counter and slid into the seat across from me. But not before he leaned all the way across the table and stole a kiss from me. It happened so quickly that I almost missed it.

“I’m glad you’re in a good mood.” I say tiredly, rubbing an eye with my knuckle.

“You’re not?”

I didn’t want to bring him down with a sob story. “I’m tired.” I explained. “My boyfriend made me get up early on a Saturday.”

His grin grew. “He’s an ass,” he leaned over and kissed me again. “Name a song.”

I was thrown for a loop again. “What?”

“Any song.”

“Why?”

He groaned but was still smiling and suddenly, I could tell that he had something planned. “You’re going to ruin the surprise. Just name a song.”

“Uh, Elton John. Anything by Elton John.” I answered on a whim.

Brendon’s mouth spread into a wide smile as he gave me another quick kiss before walking back toward the counter. He took the next customer’s order and then, to my shock, started singing.

“Blue-jean baby.”

I wondered if I had imagined Brendon singing and was in the middle of convincing myself that I had made the tune up in my head when his voice rang out again. “LA lady. Seamstress for the band.”

The customers in the store sang and cheered and whistled and Brendon made eye contact with me.

“Pretty-eyed. Pirate smile. You’ll marry a music man.” He winked at me. He continued to sing but the words were lost in the back of my mind as I only had an eye for Brendon’s bright smiling face and an ear for his beautiful voice, regardless of the words flowing through it. I hadn’t noticed that the song had ended until all of the customers in the café had started clapping and whistling loudly and Brendon was before me again.

“I can’t believe you.” I barely got the words out before Brendon leaned across the table and caught my lips with his. Catcalls sounded in the room but I barely heard them. I doubted Brendon heard them at all.

“Come on,” Brendon said with his face just an inch from mine. I questioned whether or not he was allowed to leave and he smiled as he twined his fingers between mine. “Oh no, I’ve been off of work for about half an hour now.”

I rolled my eyes as he escorted me out the swinging glass doors of the café.

><><><

“So, you got this car for your birthday?” Brendon asked as he looked at the silver vehicle parked in front of the café.

I nodded. “Thomas helped pick it out.”

Brendon looked at me but I was putting on my best poker face. “That’s what was bothering you earlier, huh? You weren’t really tired.” He was either a great guesser or I should probably never play cards.

I nodded. “I don’t want him making decisions because I don’t want him to be a permanent part of my life. And now this car kind of…embodies him.”

“Put it in drive and plunge it off of a cliff.” Brendon suggested flippantly, smiling widely at me when I looked at him sideways. He put an arm around me. “I know you don’t like the guy--…”

“Don’t like him? Bren, I hate him. I don’t even know the guy and he’s already fucked me beyond repair.”

“I know that he’s hurt you,” I snorted condescendingly at Brendon’s words. “And I’m not telling you to try to fight the guy, but don’t give him the satisfaction of your fear. Show your courage and nothing like that will happen again.”

I tried to take Brendon’s words to heart, but I’d be lying if I said it was simple. “That doesn’t get him out of my house and life.” I murmured.

Brendon laughed slightly, but I knew that he was trying to keep my heart light. “It’s just a car. Thomas is no more a part of you than I am a part of this café.”

I almost laughed. “You are a part of that café. Did you hear the people in there? They love you. You’ve got a serious talent, Bren.”

“I’m glad you think so because that’s the second part of your birthday gift.” He grinned at me. “Before we leave for the dance tonight, I want you to come by my house and listen to our band. We’ve got some new songs and I want you to hear them.”

I almost couldn’t contain my excitement. “Really?”

“Well, that is the only reason we ever started talking. You moved here and immediately started stalking the sexy lead singer of the soon-to-be-famous band next door.”

“Actually, it was because of your singing that I got the bedroom across from yours.” Brendon looked at me in surprise. “Yeah, my mom doesn’t really take kindly to hormone-enraged teenagers blasting their music at deafening levels at ungodly hours of the night through the morning.”

Brendon smiled and cackled slightly. “Well, I’m glad you don’t mind.” He kissed me deeply yet quickly and I was floating easily a hundred feet off of the ground because of it. “Meet me back at your house in fifteen minutes?”

I nodded and then stole another kiss for myself before lowering into my car and speeding away, laughing when Brendon ran to his car and sped after me, the two of us racing toward our houses together.

><><><

“Sonny, you remember Ryan, right?” Brendon asks as the two of us arrived in Brendon’s basement. I nodded and smiled at Ryan who was smiling right back at me.

“Nice to see you again, Sonny.” Ryan says, giving me a one-armed hug that I returned graciously.

“Spencer Smith and Brent Wilson, this is Sonny Mae Daniels.” I looked at Brendon out of the corner of my eye as he used my middle name. He loved it, I knew. “Sonny, this is Spencer,” The boy behind the drum set stood and shook my hand. “And Brent.” The boy holding the bass offered a hand for me to shake.

“Nice to meet you both.” I smile. Spencer returned the smile blazingly while Brent just sort of grinned before returning to turning the tuning keys on the end of his bass.

Brendon escorted me to the couch that was placed against the opposite wall of the basement before he scurried behind his microphone stand. He smiled at me before speaking directly to me through the mic, his voice being carried out of small speakers that sat in the corners of the room behind the four boys.

“We will be playing two songs for you tonight, my lady,” He said in an old-fashioned tone. “First is called Camisado.”

And I sat back and just let the music wash over me.

“The I.V. and your hospital bed—this was no accident; this was a therapeutic chain of events. This is the scent of dead skin on the linoleum floor. This is the scent of quarantine wings in the hospital. It's not so pleasant and it's not so conventional. It sure as hell ain't normal, but we deal, we deal.”

And the longer I sat and listened, the more I realized that the lyrics of this particular song reminded me of my dad’s short time in the hospital following his accident. The reminder of my father stung slightly, the as Brendon’s voice continued to spill into the air around me, the pain was soothed and eventually disappeared entirely.

The music hit me with everything it had, but no matter how heart-wrenchingly coincidental or poignant the lyrics were, I felt nothing but warm welcoming toward them. I couldn’t but wonder if it was because the words had Brendon’s voice as a medium through which to reach me. Brendon could’ve spoken the exact same words to me and they probably would’ve smarted the same. But as long as he sang them, nothing hurt. Nothing was wrong.

The song ended and I didn’t know whether or not to clap or dancing or just run to Brendon and kiss him full on the mouth. So, instead I stayed seated and kept my gaze intense and greedy before asking, “More?”

All four boys beamed. “This one is called First Try. I wrote it myself.” Brendon looked at Ryan, who nodded, and traded his electric guitar for an old-looking acoustic. Brent and Spencer both sat on the couch beside me and listened as Ryan started to strum.

“This town just wasn't made for two, but when the streets they call my name, what can I do? There's a place I'd like to visit there someday. And if you decline my invitation, what can I say? I am feeling low and I'm singing in my sleep. When you're around, will you comfort me? I'll dream of you and the smile that you give to me.”

The way Brendon was looking at me was the same way I always imagined him in the darkest corners of my subconscious late at night. The way I smiled then was the most involuntary action I’d done in my entire life and when he smiled back at me, something deep in the core of my chest swelled and finally burst open.

”It's the same thing everyday because we run out of things to say. If you're gone and me not here, it kind of sheds a different light on the whole year. I am feeling low and I'm singing in my sleep. When you're around, will you comfort me? I'll dream of you and the smile that you give to me.”

><><><

There was a knock on the door and I came sprinting down the stairs in my dress, ready to leave before either my mom or Thomas said anything to me. I opened the door and before Brendon could say anything, I grabbed his hand and yanked him toward his car, pulling my front door shut simultaneously.

“Whoa, whoa Sundance, would you at least give me a chance to look at you?” He planted his heels and slowed me down so that he could put his hands on my hips, navigating me backward toward his car at a much slower pace.

“You can look at me at the dance,” I say desperately, trying to ignore the flutters in my stomach that his hands were causing. “Can we please go?”

My back met his car and his lips met mine and he kissed me agonizingly slowly and while half of me really just wanted to peel away from the curb in Brendon’s car, the other half of me prayed that his mouth would never leave mine.

The prayer obviously went unanswered because in the next moment, Brendon had pulled away. “Shit, I forgot my wallet in my room.” He says, letting his head fall back so that he was looking at the sky.

“Leave it.” I tried to convince him to get in the car without it.

“I can’t pay for us to get in without the money that’s in my wallet,” He made a fine point and this time, my head fell back and I let out a sigh. “Plus, with my luck, this one time I’d leave my license at home would be the one time I’d get pulled over.”

I didn’t argue when Brendon took my hand and pulled me toward his house. All the lights in his home were off and I knew that his family had gone out for the evening since they knew that Brendon would be gone as well.

Brendon navigated his way up the stairs and to his bedroom with ease, but I fumbled around slightly and when I tried to quicken my pace to keep up with him, I ended up nailing my pinky toe on the frame around his door.

I almost screamed while simultaneously laughing at my own clumsiness.

“Fuck,” I say as I hopped and tried to keep pressure from the throbbing appendage. “Oh fuck me, that hurt!”

“What?” Brendon asked from his dark room. I could only see his outline from the light being cast from his computer screen.

“I hit my toe on your doorframe.” I whimpered, pushing my lower lip out in a faux pout.

“Oh, you poor baby,” Brendon walked toward me and in the blink of an eye, he had scooped me up and plopped me down on his bed. “There, is that better?”

I shook my head and sniffled. “No, my toe still hurts.”

“Which one?”

“Left.”

Without saying anything else, Brendon reached down and removed my left shoe, placing a small kiss on my toe before smiling at me through the dim light.

“Now my other toe feels unloved.” I said childishly.

He removed the other shoe and kissed my other toe. “Better?”

I nodded, smiling down at him and he chuckled quietly and placed a hand on my knee. He held my gaze for a moment until his eyes locked with the material of my dress that lay between my bare knee and his palm. With a brushing motion, the material was gone and his warm hand was resting on my bare skin.

Brendon placed kissed on my both of my knees before leaning up to my face and kissing me on the lips. He held his total weight off of me but I could feel his body pressed to every part of me. My arms looped under his arms and I drug my nails over the muscles of his back, causing a hum to spill from his throat.

Before I really knew what I was doing, my fingers were fumbling with the buttons that ran down the front of Brendon’s black dress shirt. I couldn’t get the small plastic circles out of the slits fast enough and after frustratingly dealing with each one of them, while Brendon kissed my neck and jaw teasingly, I finally pulled the shift off of his shoulders and pulled him back down against me, having missed the contact.

It was then Brendon’s turn. He fiddled with the silver hook at the top of the zipper on the back of the dress before pinching the zipper head and pulling it down painfully slowly. Though I tried, I found I couldn’t torture him the way he had tormented me. He was unflappable and I was slowly losing my mind.

“You know, I really wanted to see you dance in this dress.” He whispered sultrily to me through the darkness as he took the end of the dress and pulled it down. I dug my heels into the mattress and lifted my hips so that he could pull the dress out from under me. While I arched my back to keep from laying on the dress, my hips pressed to Brendon and I heard his breath catch in his windpipe.

I smirked victoriously at him. “Still wish I was dancing in the dress?” I asked as the dress slid to the floor.

“No more talking.”

Brendon pressed himself flush against me as he attacked my mouth with vigor. As his hands got lost in my hair, my hands slid between us and grasped his belt buckle, pulling the leather strap through the metal hoop before whipping it out from the loops of his waistband.

And suddenly, the bright white lantern of my conscience burst through the fog of lust that had encircled my mind and I all of sudden couldn’t focus on anything other than one thing.

Brendon’s hands were slithering behind me, reaching for the clasp on my bra, but before they could reach it, I flipped us so that his back was against the mattress and I was astride on his hips. Brendon’s eyes were dark and wild and my insides spasmed and spluttered at the sight, but my conscious mind was like a cold shower as it drizzled from my head.

“Bren, I’m in love with you.”

And this stopped Brendon too. His eyes returned to their chocolaty brown color and he could only stare up at me, completely dumbstruck. “Sonny, I--…” But his hesitance was what got me. I slid away from him ad made to get off the bed, but he wrapped his arms around my middle and pulled me back down underneath him. “Don’t run from me, Sundance.” My stomach twirled at the nickname, like always. “Of all the people in the world, don’t run from me.”

“Brendon, I--…” I tried but he cut me off with a kiss.

“Sonny, I love you too.”

I stopped and looked at him. “You love me? Or you’re in love with me? Because there’s a difference and I said that I was ‘in love with’ you.”

Brendon rolled his eyes, but the smile on his lips was genuine. “Sonny Mae Daniels, I am in love with you and I will sing it from the mountains if that means you will not leave this bed for at least a week.”

I sighed as a warmth seeped into my chest as slowly as Brendon placed his lips back on mine.

“Sonny, I’m in love with you,” He whispered against my cheek as he kissed it. “Only you,” He kissed my neck. “Always you.”

I pulled his face back up to mine and kissed him on the lips passionately. “Okay, no more talking.”