Sunspots and Raindrops

“How was your day?” my mom asked as I stirred the spaghetti noodles around in the big boiling pot upon the stove. Pasta was the best, as well as the easiest, feel-good food to make, in my and my mother’s opinion.

“It was okay,” I say simply, looking at her over my shoulder. She was dicing tomatoes on the island behind me for the sauce. “Thanks for telling me that you were taking the car all day. I could’ve used a heads-up about having to walk to school this morning.”

My mom appeared on my right and tossed the diced tomatoes into the skillet that had been heating up there for ten minutes. She smiled apologetically as she swirled the tomatoes around with a wooden spatula. “I’m sorry, Slim,” she says “but Betty wanted to spend all day at the spa and I didn’t have time to arrange anything before you got here.”

“Not that I could’ve driven myself in that car anyway,” I shrug, uncaring. My mom nodded in agreement and I thought she was laughing at my inability to drive a stick, but when her smile didn’t fade for almost a minute, I knew that I was out of the loop about something. “What’s o funny?”

My mom looked up at me with a surprised look on her face. Like she had forgotten that there was even someone in the kitchen with her. But I recognized the twinkling in her eyes and I felt my stomach drop at the sight. “Nothing is funny, but…” she was smiling again and my stomach plummeted further. “I did meet someone today.” I had looked away at he word ‘meet’ and was blinking away tears and trying to clear the frog in my throat.

Neither of which was going over very well.

My mom was looking at me again and I swallowed three times before turning and walking away from the pot of pasta that I had accidentally been stirring too aggressively.

Water sizzled on the stovetop, reflecting how angry and hurt I was.

My mom had said something to me, but I didn’t hear it. She put her hand on my forearm, but I didn’t feel it.

I looked at her and put on the best façade I could muster. What emotion was I portraying? I hadn’t a clue. I only hoed it didn’t showcase how hurt I was.

“I’ve got a ton of homework to do over the weekend. Is it okay if you cover dinner so I can get started on it now?”

My mom looked me over for a few long moments (or at least they felt long to me) and then nodded. I thanked her and then ran up the stairs to my bedroom and the moment the door closed completely, I threw myself onto my bed and screamed at the top of my lungs into the pillows. Tears soaked my pillowcases, taking my makeup with them. Black circles patched the blue and white patterns.

I did have homework to get to, but I didn’t care. My mom could’ve probably used some help downstairs, but I didn’t offer any. Not much was on my mind other than the fact that only after a few months of being widowed, my mom was considering moving on.

And what hurt worse was the impending idea that if she moved on and I didn’t, I would be left behind, alone with my troubled mind and heavy heart.

An hour later, my mom had finished dinner and she brought me my pate to my bedroom. Downstairs smelled like garlic bread and I felt bad when I declined her invitation to join her downstairs.

“I have so much homework,” I say, gesturing to all the books that I had opened around me.

It was all an act. I wasn’t really doing anything.

Al night I pretended to do homework until midnight rolled around and I heard my mom disappear into her bedroom for the evening. I snuck from my room to the kitchen and finished the dishes before grabbing an apple and going back to my bed.

My tears had subsided and I laid motionless on my mattress, staring at the bumps on my ceiling while subconsciously trying t find patterns in them. Only the lamp next to m bed was on, so I could only see a circle of my ceiling. But that didn’t deter my imagination from firing.

But I know I didn’t imagine the sudden thump against my window. I sat up in bed and looked over at the pane but saw nothing. However, just as I was going back to my ceiling gazing, I heard it again. A light thump against my window. Not sharp enough to be a pebble, but not quiet enough to be anything less dense. Whatever was being thrown against the glass was hard enough to make a noticeable sound, and I wondered what or who it could’ve been.

I got up and walked to the window and the sound was heard again. When I looked out, all was dark except for one solitary square of light straight across the way. And within this square of yellow was a dark silhouette, but I could see a smile there too. Then, a small green something was thrown against my window.

I pushed it open and peered over at Brendon. He grinned back at me.

“Gummy Bears, huh?” I ask, laughing a little when he threw another one that landed in my lap.

“I’m a romantic,” he says giddily before looking at a little yellow one. “Plus I don’t really like them.” And he threw it.

“Where’s the boom box and the cheesy rom-com music?” I inquire, giving a cheeky grin myself.

“I could get one, if you want.” He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder behind him.

“No.”

“I didn’t think so,” he put the bag of small colored bears aside and leaned on his arms on the window sill. “Funny how you told me that I should work on my homework tonight instead of talk to you,” I looked at him tiredly. “You’ve been sitting on your bed either staring at your books or the ceiling for the past four hours.”

“You were watching?” I asked, trying to put him on the spot.

“No,” he brushed my attempt off effortlessly. “But every time I walked by my window and snuck a glance, I expected to not see you. But every time…” he waved away from him.

“You saw me.” I finished his obvious statement.

“Exactly,” he craned his neck to see around me but by now, my room was mostly dark and nothing could be seen past me. “Do you need a tutor or something, Sundance?”

I couldn’t help but smile at the nickname. “No, thanks Bren,” he smiled too. “I’m just having a little trouble concentrating.”

Brendon leaned against one side of his window, letting his eyes drop to the siding of my house. “Yeah, I’d have some trouble concentrating, too, if I was as busy sobbing as you were.”

I looked at him and I could still see he was smiling. He thought what he had said was funny, harmless, but I didn’t think so. I narrowed my eyes at him before reaching out and pulling my window shut. Before it was closed all the way, however, I heard Brendon cry out, asking if he’d said something wrong.

“Yeah, you did,” I reply angrily.

“What’d I say?” he thought for a millisecond. “Was it about you crying? Well, you were! You were crying your eyes out.”

“You think I don’t fucking know that?” I snapped at him and I instantly dropped my voice so as to not wake up my sleeping parent. “Just forget about it, Brendon.”

I shut my window all the way, ignoring his pleas for me to stay, and then pulled my curtains and turned out the lamp beside my bed. This would tell him not to throw anything at my window for the rest of the night.

And he didn’t. In fact, not even a minute later, I heard his window slide closed too. Then, the light was smothered in his room and everything that Brendon had been illuminating in my room was now gone.

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The next morning, my mom was gone yet again. A note on the counter said that she had gone in for an interview at a lounge on the strip. She’d probably get the job since she co-owned a restaurant back in Chicago. She knew how to run a business properly.

I made myself breakfast, got the mail, and then sat down to watch television. I had a feeling that that was all I would be doing for the day.

Then, randomly, I wondered what Brendon would be up to on that Saturday morning. I walked upstairs and pulled one of my curtains back with one finger, peeking around it to Brendon’s window.

The lights were all out but there was a sign in the window written on the marker board that had been on his desk when I went over to his house the day prior. The sign read:

I’m sorry, Sundance. Please forgive me.
I’ll be gone all day today. But I’ll be back tonight.
You know what to throw at my window to get my attention.
Smile.
-Bren

My smile widened as I read it and I knew I’d have to go to the store to buy some Gummy Bears and a dry-erase board for myself.

I unwrapped my hair and pulled on some decent clothes before heading out. There was a convenience store just a few blocks away from the school so I knew it would only be about a fifteen minute walk. And after yesterday, I had a feeling that my mom would be gone all day.

My walk to the store was short. With my iPod blaring in my ears, I didn’t really even realize how long I had been walking until I got to the store.

I also didn’t realize how hot of a walk it was until I got to the very air conditioned building.

I probably looked like a sweaty animal and even though I hardly knew anyone in this city, I didn’t want to risk bumping into anyone I did know and making nasty name for myself.

So, I hurried through the store, searching for what I needed.

The Gummy Bears were first and I got the jumbo bag, the biggest bag I could find.

Then, I was off to find a dry-erase board and some markers. Since walking into the store, I had drastically cooled down. However, since I had been hurrying before, I was hurrying then and that’s why I bumped into someone.

‘Bumped’ is an understatement. I literally slammed into this boy, causing me to fall to the tile floor and causing him to be pushed and stumble backward into the shelves of merchandise behind him.

I imagined them falling like dominos and I winced.

I just sort of sat on the floor for a while, stunned by what had just happened. Then, I looked up at the boy who I had probably just traumatized to see that he was looking down at me.

Then, he held out his hand. “I’m such a fucking idiot. I’m so sorry; I didn’t even see you there.”

I took his hand and let him help me to my feet. “Oh, no,” I said dismissively as he did so. “I was the one rushing at break-neck speed through these aisles.”

He smiled at me. “Well, I do work here. Maybe I could help you find whatever it is you’re so keen on finding.”

I smiled thankfully at him but in my mind I was slapping myself for not noticing his blue vest sooner. He was obviously an employee. No one goes out wearing khakis, a plaid shirt and a navy blue vest just for kicks.

I read his nametag. “Thank you, Travis.”

“No problem, Sonny.” I looked at him with confusion. I hadn’t introduced myself. He caught m odd glance and cleared his throat. “Uh, you’re in the same calculus period as I am.” He tried to explain himself.

I only nodded, pursing my lips. “Sorry for not recognizing you.”

He waved a hand. “It’s understandable. New city, new school, new students and a whole hell of a lot of new names to remember.” He looked sideways and the side of his mouth curved upward. “You, on the other hand, are incredibly hard to forget.”

I blinked at his straightforward comment and then looked away from him, pretending to look at the difference sizes and colors of water guns that lined the shelf next to me. I really didn’t want to have a conversation like with this guy I did not know.

Even though I seemed to have the same conversation with Brendon when he and I first met, I thought suddenly.

I was making myself ill.

“Well, I’m looking for a dry-erase board and some markers. Think you could point me n the right direction?” I wanted to change the subject desperately.

“Of course,’ he said. “They would be in aisle two with school supplies.” I said thanks and started toward the aforementioned aisle, but then stopped when I notice Travis was walking along beside me. I looked at him expectantly. “I’m sorry,” He apologized too much, I thought abruptly. “I was wondering, since you’re new here and stuff, if you knew about Harley’s party this Friday.”

I shook my head and started walking again. “I’m afraid I wasn’t invited.”

“Well, I’m inviting you.” He said before I had even finished telling him that I wasn’t invited. “Harley throws a party every year for his class and only those above him. So, this year it’ll be juniors and seniors only.” I nodded, pretending to be interested when really all I cared for was getting back home. “Will you be my date?”

I swallowed as I walked, squeezing and releasing the bag of Gummy Bears like a big sugary stress ball. “I don’t know if I’m busy that night or not. But I’ll get back to you, okay?”

“Okay,” Travis seemed a little reluctant in accepting this answer. “Can I get your phone number? That way you can text me when you decide?”

I stopped and looked at the dry-erase boards before looking at him. “If I’m going to text you, don’t I just need your number?”

That seemed to have caught him off guard. “Yeah, I guess that’s right. But…I guess what I’m trying to ask I if you’d want to text each other sometime. Just to talk?”

His hesitation and specific use of words was confusing and concerning me and all my instincts told me to tell him no. But, since I was still the new girl and I wasn’t looking for any enemies or rumors or reputations, I nodded. “Sure, here.” I took the pen he had clipped to his vest and jotted down my number on his palm. He did the same with his number and my hand.

“Awesome.” He grinned at me. “I hope you change your mind about the party.”

I nodded at him and watched him walk away. Then, I turned my attention to the dry-erase boards, mind reeling while trying to figure out what exactly had just happened.

I picked out a medium-sized board and a pack of rather colorful markers and the headed to the checkout counter. To my luck, Travis was the one that checked me out. Maybe, to my dismay, in two different ways…

“Change your mind yet?” he asked as he scanned the board and markers.

I shook my head. “Not since we last talked five minutes ago.”

He laughed and it was a rather taut sound. When he grabbed the bag of Gummy Bears, he looked at it for a few seconds and then at me. “Bit of a sweet tooth, huh?”

I almost laughed in his face. “I actually don’t really care for them.”

His smile faltered and he looked at me, completely perplexed. “Then why are you buying the largest bag we have in stock?”

I handed him my money. “You wouldn’t understand, Travis.” And then I took my purchases and walked back into the Vegas heat.

I got back hoe and wasn’t surprised to find that my mom was still away. Brendon was too, by the looks of it, and when I looked at his window from my room, his sign was still standing. I tore the packaging open on my own and wrote a message for him.

Bren-
Apology accepted.
Check this out.
-Sundance

After ‘check this out’, I drew an arrow and then positioned the sign in my window, putting the bag of Gummy Bears at the end of the arrow.

Smug with myself, I walked out of my room and headed downstairs, planning to wait out the day with cereal and Pay-Per-View.