Won't Turn Out Right

A heart that's full up like a landfill, a job that slowly kills you, bruises that won't heal.

No alarms and no surprises, please....

Why am I still here?

Why haven't I woken up, yet?

Maybe Iam dead....

I'll take the quiet life, a handshake of carbon monoxide...

The ringmaster is still alive, though. While here I am, still looked down upon by the demons and the clowns and the... theelephants. Stupid fatties. Fat fat fatties. I'm a fatty. I'm an elephant. Here I am against Asmodeus. Ass-modeus. Fucking gorgeous man while I'm just... an elephant.

He picked up some of my bras that the demons tossed around. The ringmaster, that is, not Ass-hole-modeus. He helped me organize my room. Not sure why.... But it helped.He helped.

I tried to take off his sunglasses and his top hat, but he punched me. I got too ahead of myself, I guess. But that's okay! I'll try again tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. Never say never.

False eyelashes and spider webs. They both catch something. Attention... bugs.... What's the difference?

They won't stop hugging me and crying on me. They just won't stop. They think they'll never see me again, but they're wrong. It's a bigfat world out there and... and I know we'll meet again.

Aitai you... No, you little jerks, that wasn't English- "I tie you"? Eye-ee-tye-ee-yo. I want to see you... I want to see you... Aitai you...

And here we are, dead and starved... oh no, not starved. He fed me... was it the ringmaster?

Who is the ringmaster? Who the hell is he and why does he taunt me so? WHO?

Just a victim here... no alarms and no surprises, right?

I wish I could cry again... God! I wish I could cry again! OH GOD! I WISH I COULD CRY AGAIN! Crying never solves anything, though, right? RIGHT? It's not good for anything, right?

My father told me so.... But, my mom. My mom... she told me it was alright. To cry.

And now I'm trapped in a maze. It's a maze of colors and clouds and... tears. I'm crying! Oh no, I'm crying! I can't... stop crying. Stop crying...

I can't STOP CRYING!

"STOP CRYING!" He slapped me in the face right after I woke up. It stung so bad I almost started... oh wait. My face is wet.

I sniffled and wiped away some of the tears, scrambling to sit up and away from him.

"W-what hap-happened? What do you want?" Zacky rolled his eyes.

"You were crying in your sleep." I sniffled again and swallowed hard. I glanced down at my body and found it clothed again. I sighed in relief and in defeat.

They dressed me...

I looked into his green eyes and noticed that they were soft and harmless.

Not insane today, are we?

He stared back into my blue eyes with the same curiosity and malice. Finally I broke away and rested my head down on the arm rest of the couch. I figured that Matt stuck me on there again once he beat me senseless.

Zacky rested his head on the other side and let out a mocking sigh.

"Wanna talk about it?" I blinked but didn't lift up my head.

"About what?" He huffed.

"Your nightmare." I shook my head and let the silence wash over us. I drew in a silent, yet shaky breath.

"It wasn't a nightmare. It was just... my thoughts. My thoughts bouncing around inside my skull." I shifted my neck uncomfortably. "My brain doesn't know when to shut up. Even when I'm asleep." I lifted my head up finally and looked at Zacky who was mirroring my position. "I'm not quite sure how to explain it." He nodded and cracked his neck from side to side. His eye twitched a little and he sniffed disdainfully. He lifted his feet onto the couch, spreading them out across my thighs.

"Whatever. You're weird." We stared at each other again.

"I know." He looked away.

"Fit right in." I pushed his legs off of me.

"I need to pee."

-*-

"Do you have any... twos?" Johnny sighed.

"Go fish."

"Do you have any-"

"It's not your turn, Jimmy. You just went." Jimmy put down his cards.

"Why are we playing Go Fish with just two people?" Johnny let his cards fall lazily as well.

"Cause Zacky's with the chick and Brian and Matt are robbing the cigar shop down the street. It's only us two." Jimmy frowned.

"That's stupid." Johnny nodded.

"Yup." It was silent except for the Radiohead CD playing in the kitchen. Jimmy sniffed and scratched his head.

"Why are we keeping her? Is it a hostage thing? Cause other than that there's really no need for her."

"I know. I think at first it was a hostage thing, but Matt fucked her once or twice and I know he wants to do it until he gets sick of her. I'm pretty sure she won't be around much longer. No one's ever lasted longer than Val did."

Val was their first.

She was best friends with them in high school, and the friendship between her and Matt became much more than that after they graduated. But... when things started taking a turn for the worse- when things stopped being harmless and fun and they became serious and scary- Matt didn't want to let her go.

She lasted one year exactly. She attempted one last escape on the anniversary of her capture and it ended in a hail of bullets.

Matt was angry, to say the least.

But, that was years ago. He was over it. So was everyone else. What was done was done. Not to be talked about. Not important. Ancient history.

There was a thump from upstairs and they both smirked.

"I bet two weeks." Johnny reached into his pocket and pulled out four fifties, slamming them on the table. Jimmy held a breath and stroked his chin in thought.

"Two weeks? I bet she makes it as long as Val did." He pulled a crumpled-up hundred out of his pocket then reached into his wallet for another two fifties. He piled them onto the table and reached out his hand for Johnny to shake. He laughed.

"A year? You think she'll make it a year? You're insane!" He slapped his hand into Jimmy's and shook it once.

"I'm insane." He agreed with a smirk.