Not So Sure You'll Survive.

Jack doesn’t eat for the next few days. He doesn’t sleep either. Because whenever he closes his eyes, he’s met with Alex’s face, wearing an expression of complete revulsion, and it kind of makes him more disgusted with himself.

No one really notices, and that just makes him feel worse about himself.

So he goes back to school with sad eyes and his hair in his face and just a little bit shaky from the lack of food.

Zack and Rian watch him, concerned, but fail to notice the way Alex is glaring at him.

They’re sitting in English class when it happens; Rian behind Jack, and Zack behind Rian, with Alex across the room.

Jack’s standing to hand out the books when he just falls, but Rian reaches out and claws at his shirt to stop him from hitting the floor. Jack remains limp in his hands, his head slumped forwards.

Their teacher stares for a moment, before panicking and running over. Rian’s on his knees, mind screaming as he frantically checks for any signs of what’s wrong. Jack’s eyes are closed, and Zack gets out of his seat to help.

The pair of them carry him to the nurse’s office, Zack giving Alex a glare as he leaves.

Jack wakes up on his bed, with May sitting next to him looking close to tears.

“Oh thank God.” She breathes, pressing a hand over her heart. “I was so scared.”

Jack grumbles, rubbing his head.

“What happened?” He asks quietly.

“You passed out in English class. You’ve been out since. The school nurse seems to think it’s due to lack of sleep, or you’re not eating enough.”

Jack bites his lip, but doesn’t say anything.

“Jack, is something wrong?” May asks, leaning forwards in her chair slightly.

“No, I’m fine.” Jack lies. He thinks he should really stop doing that.

May bites her lip, looking away from her brother and standing.

“If you’re sure. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”

Jack knows he has to eat something if he wants to avoid passing out in class again, so he picks at the salad and pasta on his plate and ignores the looks his parents are giving him.

“Where’s Alex today?” His mom asks, and then Jack remembers, oh shit, it’s Monday. Alex always comes over for dinner on Monday’s.

“I don’t know.” Jack replies in a tiny voice, and he’s more admitting it to himself than them. “Can I go?”

His mom looks at him sadly and nods, and he runs upstairs and straight into the bathroom to throw up.

He doesn’t go into school the next day; he tells Zack that he hasn’t fully recovered yet when he asks.

He goes in on Wednesday, though, mainly to show his English class that he didn’t die or anything on Monday.

He sits down in his seat and notices Alex looking at him across the room. He pulls his hair into his eyes self consciously, keeping his eyes down on the open copy of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time that’s sitting on his desk.

He goes to his locker after class is done, and opens it only to have a square of paper fall into his hands.

I’m sorry. X. Alex.

Jack glares at it for a second before screwing it up into a ball and throwing it into the trash bin nearby. He might want to be on speaking terms with Alex again, but he has to do better than that.

There’s another one in his locker after next period – this one says ‘Please call me or something. We need to talk. X. Alex.’

Jack throws that one in the trash too.

It’s the next day when Alex and Jack finally see each other in person. Alex is standing near Jack’s locker when the younger boy appears. Jack chooses to ignore him, but flinches when Alex finally talks.

“Jack. We do need to talk.”

Jack sighs, closing his locker and turning to the other boy.

“Alex, I’m not about to have this conversation with you in the hallway at school, where anyone could hear.”

“Well fine, but we’re having this conversation. I’ll call you later.”

And with that, Alex is gone. Jack kind of wants to slam his head into the locker, but he doesn’t.

Jack leaves his phone switched off that night. It’s on the fifth try that Alex gets frustrated and launches his cell across the room, and then leaves it in pieces on the floor while he stalks around the house and tries to find his dog.

Jack isn’t surprised by the missed calls he has when he turns his cell back on.

Alex catches him in the hallway the next day, though, and he tries to drag him away.

“Jack Barakat, we are having this conversation and we are having it now.” Alex says, folding his arms and frowning after he’s dragged Jack into the nearest boy’s bathroom.

“Sure, whatever. I don’t see why you’re so desperate to talk, though.”

“Because I want my best friend back!” Alex all but yells.

“I wasn’t the one that put distance between us in the first place!” Jack retorts.

“I didn’t kiss you!”

And yeah, that’s what it comes down to. They stare at each other for a while, eyes locked and brows furrowed.

Jack glares at him.

“That’s what this is about? “ Jack hisses, his hands balling into fists.

“Yes, that’s what this is about! Why the fuck did you do it?” Alex yells.

“Because I fucking love you!”

And there, it’s out there now. Alex knows. Jack resists the urge to clamp his hand over his treacherous mouth, and instead bites his lip and stares at the ceiling.

“What?” Alex asks quietly.

Jack just nods, because he doesn’t trust his voice right now.

“Well... Fuck.”

Jack swallows, blinks back tears and waits, waits for Alex to start screaming at him and telling him he’s disgusting and that he never wants to see him again. He knows it’s coming.

But then there’s arms around him, pulling him close and hugging him tight.

“How long?” Alex asks.

“Since we were thirteen.” Jack says, voice barely there as he talks into Alex’s shoulder. He hears Alex’s breath hitch, as if it took him a moment to realize that it’s been four years.

“Oh.”

Jack bites his lip.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He tries to get out of Alex’s grip, but he can’t, and the older boy just hugs him tighter.

“It’s okay. Don’t apologize.” Alex replies, nuzzling against Jack’s hair. He presses the lightest kiss to Jack’s forehead. Jack freezes.

“Alex, don’t.” He says quietly. Alex ignores him, kisses his forehead again.

“We can fix this, I promise.”

Jack dares to look up at him, their eyes locking again, and Alex rests his forehead against Jack’s.

“I’m so sorry.” He repeats what Jack said earlier.

“That’s okay.” Jack replies, hugging Alex a little and closing his eyes.

And maybe it’s not entirely what he wants, but it’s better than nothing.