What I Am Not Allowed to Do at Hogwarts

“Come on sleepy,” Someone whispered in my ear. I threw my pillow over my head. It was Sunday. That meant I had to get as much sleep as possible today.

“Wrong bed” I grumbled and pointed to the bed next to mine. But the person did not leave and instead took my pillow. When I jumped up to see who stole my pillow I was looking at Luke, Todd, and the unnamed boy.

“What!” I snarled at the three of them. They all looked very happy with themselves.

“Bonding starts now” Todd smirked. My eyes grew wide. Snape had actually meant it when he told me I would have to bond with them. I was baffled.

“Get dressed, we have to spend the whole day with you” Luke said with a grin. I frowned and shooed them out of my room so I could get changed. I walked over to where I kept my clothes and pulled out a pair of jeans. I looked for a shirt to wear, and then it hit me. If Snape wants me to bond with theses punks then bond I will

I pulled out a white shirt I got for Christmas from Fred and George. It was a joke, and I didn’t think I would ever want to, or ever have the need to wear it. Strangely enough, today was the perfect day to wear it. I took the shirt and threw it over my head. When I was fully dressed I walked down to the bathrooms so I could do my hair and teeth. When that was done I found the three of them all waiting for me. Scary.

“Ok, breakfast first” I said and pointed to the portal hole. They all groaned.

“We don’t want to eat with your friends” Todd moaned. I turned around to face the three boys. They all looked down at my shirt. The three of them raised their eyebrows then began to giggle.

“Death Eater and Proud?” The nameless boy read aloud while laughing.

“You talk! Well we are suppose to bond, aren’t we” I said with a smirk. I knew most of the people in this school would understand I was joking with this shirt, and the ones who couldn’t tell probably didn’t know who I was, so it didn’t matter.

The boys grumpily followed me out of our common room. We were on our way to the Great Hall when we saw Neville. He was slumped over with his hands cupped. I led the three boys over to Neville.

“Hey Nev, what’s going on?” I casually asked. I leaned over to see what it was that he had cupped in his hands. It was Trevor. Neville looked at me, he had a sad expression on his face, but when he saw the three Slytherins he looked worried.

“It’s ok I got ‘em under control” I said cleverly. Neville nodded then looked down at my shirt. He seemed flustered, almost as if he couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not. I rolled my eyes, and a smile cracked on his face letting me know he understood the joke. Neville looked back down at his frog.

“It’s Trevor, I lost his sponge,” He said. Neville’s face got a little red. The three Slytherins started snickering. I pushed Todd into a wall, it was all the warning they needed.

“Well maybe we can use something else as a sponge, do you have anything?” I asked. Neville nodded, but then looked down ashamed. I waited for him to talk.

“Well, human’s tongue’s are the closest you can get, but I’m sick” He coughed. I looked down at the toad. He looked clean enough, and it wasn’t like my tongue was getting any other action.

“I’ll do it,” I offered. The first years all made puking sounds. They were all leaning over pretending to throw up everything in their stomachs. Neville looked at me in amazement.

“Are you sure? Most people think licking a toad is a bit of a turnoff” Neville said. It seemed like he was trying to figure out if this was just another one of my jokes.

“Well how many guys at this school have I ever been more than friends with? One, so I’m pretty sure licking a toad won’t change my reputation at all” I said and took Trevor in my hand. I stuck out my tongue and lowered my head towards the toad. When I was about to make contact someone shrieked.

“DEAR LORD! Miss Davis! Take your tongue away from that toad!” Professor McGonagall cried. Luckily there was no one else in the hallway to hear us.

“He needs a sponge” I muttered. Our Professor ignored us.

“Am I writing this in the book, I don’t have it with me, I can use the force to get it though!” I said a pulled my wand out of my back pocket. I started waving my wand around.

“No, we are trying something different today, and what did you say?” She asked. I paused my waving and looked at her.

“The force...does that mean I can throw the book out?” I asked hopefully. McGonagall shook her head in disbelief.

“Tracey you cannot throw the book away, you will be using it later today, and what exactly is it that you are referring to as The Force?” She questioned. I rolled my eyes. For a teacher who acted as if she knew everything McGonagall really needed to do a bit of studying.

“Accio, duh” I said. Our professor did not seem to find our conversation as amusing as Neville did. I shrugged and continued to wave my wand. Our professor looked at my shirt and instantly pulled out her wand. With one flick she managed to make every word on the shirt disappear from the white shirt, making it a plain white shirt. She took out a piece of paper and scribbled down a few things, she then shooed us off into the great hall.



“No I’m going to tell you one more time, it’s: Whenever a wizard is lonely or sad, Or feeling dejected, or puzzled, or mad, He turns to his staff, and things don't seem so bad -- By it he is never trepanned” I explained to the first years. Still the Great Hall had very few people in it, my friends had not arrived so I had no one else to eat with except the first years I had to bond with. The first years repeated the lyrics I had just said, for the first time they didn’t mess it all up.

“Good job!” I praised the three of them and gave out a round of high-fives. Then I saw my friends enter the Great Hall. I waved them all over. The three glared at Fred and George.

“Look, Tracey, I’m not really sure what you’re up to with this, but I don’t think I want to be a part of it, I get enough abuse from your house on weekdays” Nat said before walking off to the Gryffindor table. Lee, Katie and George all gave me sympathetic looks before following after our blonde friend. Fred stayed with me, and despite the cold glares he got from everyone at the table; he sat down next to me.

“Why does he look like that boy over there?” Todd sneered. Fred got real close to Todd’s face.

“Well, he needed someone to look like so he wouldn’t get kicked out” Fred whispered to the three. Their eyes all grew wider.

“Wha- what do you mean?” They asked.

“Hogwarts doesn’t let boogiemen attend, that one needed an identity, and Fred’s was the first he found,” I said matter-of-factly. Luke shook his head.

“No, there is no such thing as the boogieman” He spat as us. Fred and I exchanged looks.

“You’re living at a school where they have Vampires, Were-Wolves, and Unicorns” Fred started.

“Oh my” I quickly added.

“Living in the forest next door, and you’re really trying to tell me you don’t believe in the Boogieman?” Fred continued as if I said nothing. Todd, Luke and the other boy suddenly turned around to look at George, they all seemed suddenly frightened.

“I taught these guys a wizard’s staff has a knob on the end” I said smirking proudly. Professor Flitwick walked by us; he was scribbling something down on a small parchment. Fred applauded me for my good teachings. The first years stared at us each looked dumbfounded.

“Bloody brilliant song, but I recon we have one last thing to teach the blokes” Fred said. He was gnawing on an apple. I gave him a skeptical look, but Fred just nodded.

“They aren’t ready” I said, sounding like my mum sounded the day I got my Hogwarts letter. Fred just nodded again.

“It’s time Tray” He assured me. Strangely enough, that was what my dad had told my mum when she convinced herself I wasn’t ready.

“Penis” Fred said somewhat quietly. The three Slytherins looked at him as if he was senile.

“Penis” I said a little louder than Fred had said the previous time. We both looked at the three first years.

“Penis” The quiet boy said with a smirk. Fred gave him a high-five as the other two continued the chain. Before long we were screaming penis at the top of our lungs, gaining stares from every eye in the room. The other two schools were looking at us in complete disgust, but that didn’t seem to matter since we continued.



It surprised me, and Fred, by the fact that we were actually having a good time with the First years, everything was going well, we were all getting along, something that anyone who looked at us would think it was all a prank, but it wasn’t.

“What’s wrong with that pathetic excuse for a human?” Luke spat. He was pointing to a small Hufflepuff girl crying her eyes out on the stairs. Fred smacked Luke in the chest as we approached the girl. She was from my brother’s year and had always been kind to me. I sat on the step next to her.

“Hey Jill” I said quietly. Jill looked over at me and quickly tried to dry her eyes, but when she saw the three Slytherins the tears just seemed to flow out even harder.

“Jill what happened?” I asked her. Fred started to rub Jill’s back to try and calm her.

“Draco turned me down,” She sobbed. I looked over at Fred. He held up two fingers, I shook my head and blinked four times. Fred nodded.

“Don’t bother with Draco” Fred told Jill. She looked over at him with tears forming again in her eyes.

“Yeah, Draco was never really into girls, if you get what I’m saying” I told her. I tried not to look at the first years; I could only imagine what they were doing at this moment.

“He’s...he’s not?” She sniffled. I shook my head and put my hand on her shoulder.

“He’s not really into guys either” Fred added. Jill was giving us both puzzled looks now.

“We like to call it...umm...Fred?” I said and waited for him to continue the conversation.

“Bestiality, would be the word I’d use” Fred said with a shrug. Jill laughed a little between sobs. She smiled at Fred and I and the tears finally stopped.

“Thanks” She said and gave both Fred and I a small hug. She then stood up, whipped her eyes one last time and waved goodbye.

“Don’t forget to tell all your friends!” Fred called after her.



“I swear when I find out who started those rumors I will ring their neck!” Draco hollered. I could hear him from around the corner in the corridors. I pushed my finger to my lips and told the first years to keep quiet. They all nodded and we turned the corner. Fred smiled cockily at Draco and his gang.

“Ello” He smirked. Draco ignored him. It was odd, Draco never let up an opportunity to insult someone. Luke walked over to Draco’s side. Draco looked down at him with an annoyed expression painted on his face.

“What is it!” He demanded. Luke pointed to me and Fred. My jaw fell to the floor.
“It was them,” Todd added quickly.

“They started the rumors” Silent boy said, clearing up any confusion there could have been. Blaise had never looked so big in all the years I had known him. Crabbe and Goyle looked as if they had missed breakfast, and now looked like they would eat anything that they could get their grubby teeth on.

“I thought we bonded!” I shouted at the three boys I had given up my whole day for. They all rolled their eyes and crossed their arms. I started to slowly step backwards.

“Fred I think we should go now” I muttered. Fred nodded and slowly started stepping back with me.

“Get them!” Draco snarled. It was like a gunshot at a track meet because the second the words left his mouth everyone sprinted. Fred and I sprinted down the corridor and Draco and his thugs dove for us.

“Tracey this way!” Fred said pulling me into a crowd of students who were leaving the Great Hall. He had saved a little time by diving into the crowd, but Draco and his oversized thugs would be out soon enough.

“In here!” Fred hissed. A door swung opened and Fred threw me into a small, cluttered broom closet. We heard their footsteps pounding past the closet. We remained silent. Fred held the door shut until we couldn’t hear their shouting or feet stomping anymore. I looked up at Fred, the closet was so cramped there hardly any room for the two of us. I was right up against Fred, I was sure he could feel my pounding heart.

“D-do you think it’s safe yet?” I asked I didn’t want to leave; I wanted to stay in that exact position forever.

“No, maybe a little longer” Fred breathed into my ear. I nodded. I thought Draco would have been long gone from this area, but I wasn’t going to protest his thoughts. Fred was looking down at me. In the dark room I could only slightly make out the light brown color of his eyes.
Then Fred abruptly lowed her head so it was inches from mine. His hand let go of the door knob and snaked around my back. I stood up on my toes to get rid of some of the space between our faces, and then Fred’s eyes closed and closed the space between us. I closed my eyes; the feeling of his warm lips on mine was amazing. I felt his tongue press against my lips, asking for entrance. I slowly gave him what he was asking for and his tongue began to explore every crevice of my mouth. I raised my hands so they were wrapped around his neck. The kiss was something I had wanted since I was around 12; it was more than I could have ever imagined it would be.

Outside the door we could hear the faint sound of giggles, but we ignored them, until our dark broom closet was suddenly filled with the light from the candles that filled the school at night. The kiss broke abruptly. I looked over to see who it was that tried to enter the broom closet. Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory were gawking at us. I stepped out of the closet and tried to think of something to say. Well you see, Fred and I were testing one of his new products, unfortunately a side effect is snogging. Fred remained in the closet, he didn’t say anything, and then it hit me. What if Fred didn’t want the kiss? Had I somehow forced him into the snog session? I began to panic; Fred was never silent; this only made me panic more.

“Look mate” Cedric said to Fred. Cho winked at me. My face burned.

“Sorry, didn’t think this closet would have been occupied” Cedric chuckled. Fred finally stepped out; he made a meek smile at me. I had ruined everything; our friendship may never be the same because I had a stupid heart.

“It’s ugh, no problem, didn’t mean to nick your spot” Fred said, He was looking at me. I couldn’t read his expression. Cho and Cedric looked awkwardly at each other. I looked down the hallway.

“I gotta get to class” I stuttered as the words left my mouth. Fred gave me a pleading look. Was he trying to ask me to forgive him for what happened? Did he really think it was that much of a mistake? I couldn’t stay there any longer, so I turned around and quickly walked towards my Common Room.

“Tracey, this way” Snape called me when I passed his classroom. I didn’t have time for this. What I needed to do was go to sleep and never wake up. Despite what my mind said, my legs obeyed Professor Snape. My rulebook was sitting on his desk. I didn’t question how he obtained it.

“We decided to save all your rule breaking that took place today for the end of the day, no one wanted to ruin their Sunday having to make you write pointless things in this book” Snape snarled. I nodded my head. I had no creative comeback; I couldn’t even manage a witty comment about the imaginary relationship I always joked about. I just nodded my head, and nothing more.

“Number 60 – I will not lick Trevor” Snape said. I took out a quill and dipped it in ink.

# 60 – I will not lick Trevor

Snape waited for me to make a remark about that, he waited for me to say something, but I said nothing.

“Number 61 – I will not refer to the Accio charm as ‘The Force’” Snape seemed pleased; it was like he has purchased a wild horse, and after five years he had finally broken it.

# 61 – I will not refer to the Accio charm as ‘The Force’

I needed to get out of the classroom; I needed to get out of the school. I needed to be held by my mum. I needed someone to tell me I hadn’t ruined everything.

“Number 62 – I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! Shirt to school” Snape seemed to be enjoying this much more than he ever enjoyed anything else. To him, the pain I was going through was being caused by him, but he was wrong.

# 62 – I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! Shirt to school

Everything would be torn apart, if our friendship continued, it would always be awkward, if it ended our friends would feel as if they had to pick.

“Number 63 – I will not teach the first years to sing “a wizard’s staff has a knob on the end”“ I couldn’t take it anymore; the tears were beginning to build up in my eyes. I hadn’t cried since my third year when the chamber was opened, but I was going to cry now, there was no denying it.

#63 – I will not teach the first years to sing “a wizard’s staff has a knob on the end”

There was a lump building up in my throat, I wanted to scream and let it all out, I wanted to scream at myself for what I let happen.

“Number 64 – I will not teach the first years to play the Penis Game in the great hall during meals” Snape no longer seemed to be enjoying this, he seemed bored now. Apparently watching my life crash bores single middle-aged men who run at the sight of soap and shampoo.

#64 – I will not teach the first years to play the Penis Game in the great hall during dinners

“Number 65 – I will not spread rumors about Draco’s deviant sexuality” Snape snarled at me. His glare said there was more he was going to say.

“What was going through your mind, do you know how hebetudinous you have to be to do this stuff” Snape barked at me. I nodded my head and looked down at the book.

“I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking. It was stupid, I’m sorry” I said. I couldn’t give Snape the satisfaction to see my tears, so I kept my head hung low.

# 65 – I will not spread rumors about Draco’s deviant sexuality