Misery Loves Me

I’m on my way to school, the letter for Gerard and Mikey in my pocket. I half hope that they’ll realize what I am, and leave me alone. Just because then I’ll no longer be a burden for them, they won’t have to worry about me. But I don’t really want them to realize at the same time. I’m selfish, so I want them to be my friends. Needless to say, I’m getting really nervous about what they’re gonna think.

“Hey Frank!” Is the usual greeting I get when I reach my locker. I’m soon being hugged by the Way brothers, each of them closing me in their arms. I hope they’ll greet me the same way tomorrow.

“You’re coming to ours after school?” Mikey asks excitedly. I nod, I really want to make the best of our friendship as long as it lasts.

“That’s great,” Gerard says smiling at me, it’s weird to think that he may never smile at me like that again after today.

“Come on, Frank, we should go to class,” Mikey tells me before grabbing my arm, waving at Gerard and pulling me to the classroom. I wonder why he’s in such a hurry. It becomes clear when we walk in and I see Mikey practically drooling over some girl.

“See that girl? She’s absolutely gorgeous.” Mikey whispers to me. I look at the girl too, I recognize her, she’s been in my year since forever. But I can’t remember her name, which isn’t a surprise really, I’ve never bothered to learn any names. I get my notebook and start scribbling. Yeah, I’m actually having conversations nowadays, sometimes that is.

“Have you learned her name yet?” I show Mikey my notebook.

“Well… I’ve done some research yesterday when you was hanging with Gerard. And I have found her on Facebook!” Mikey explains happily. “Her name is Rosanne, and she’s single at the moment!” His face shows nothing but excitement. I really don’t see what’s so hot, special or anything about this girl. It’s just another girl with long eyelashes, glued together with blue mascara, tight tops, ultra shorts skirts, high heels, a face plastered with, what’s it called? The stuff that makes you face look like a kind of doll? Only not that pretty? Well, I don’t know, but I sure see nothing interesting about this girl.

“Why do you think she’s hot? I don’t really like her” She used to call me names, now she just shoots me disgusted glances once a while.

“Dude! You don’t!? How can you not like her? She’s so pretty! Her long blond hair that falls over her shoulders shines in the sunlight, she has an amazing body, her eyes stand out because of the bright blue color, and she’s just too good looking for this world” He’s getting a bit loud, and I’m afraid that Rosanne will hear him if he continues like this.

“You’re talking too loud, maybe she can hear you” When he reads this he turns bright red, and quickly looks around to check if she heard him, which luckily isn’t the case.

“Oops. Well, what do you think I should do? Should I talk to her? I don’t know whether I can do that…” Is he really asking me for a kind of relation advise? Advise about girls? Well, he’s got the wrong person here, because if there’s something that I’m even worse at than making and being with friends, it’s things about girls.

“I don’t know. I still don’t like her.”

“Okay, I’ll just continue to stare than… For a few days. Then I’ll come into action.” He grins at me, and the most lessons past like this. Mikey staring at Rosanne, while sometimes muttering something about how beautiful she is, and occasionally playing tic tac toe with me, when I don’t want to pay attention at the teacher.

--

After school the Ways and I walk to their house. Mikey and Gerard are happily chatting about a band called the Sick Puppies, while I’m getting more nervous by the second.

“I love their bassist! She’s super skilled, and fucking hot!” Mikey exclaims. What if they don’t like me after all? What if they’ll see the monster that I am?

“I agree, she’s super skilled, but she’s not my type at all.” Why have I ever agreed to writing this letter? I shouldn’t tell my problems to them, they’ll only cause them even more trouble. I shouldn’t reveal how much of a failure I am, they probably won’t even like me anymore!

“I know, I know. But even you can see that she’s hot, right?” What am I going to do when they tell everyone else about the letter? What am I going to do when they don’t wanna be my friends? Life will be so much harder without any, now I know how it feels to have friends. Am I going to survive that?

“Yeah, I suppose. I like the wind machine she always got on stage! It must be so hot up there, and it looks really cool.” I don’t want to show them the letter! I’m more than afraid now. I think I’m just letting them give up on me without letting them read the letter. Maybe it’s the best if I just walk away now.

“Frank, do you want something to drink?” I look around me, noticing that we’re already in the Way’s household. I nod, my throat is unbelievably dry. When I get the glass of coke that Gerard made me, I notice that my hands are shaking slightly. I can’t really get away now. Let’s hope they just forgot about the letter.

“Frank, is it okay if me and Mikey read the letter down in my room, while you’re reading some comics in Mikey’s room? When we’ve read it, we’ll come to you and talk to you, okay?” So much for them forgetting. I nod shakily and want to go upstairs, but I’m stopped by a hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t be so afraid, Frank, I’m sure we won’t react that bad! We’re pretty great guys remember? And we’re your friends! And it will be kind of handy if you’d hand us the letter before we read it.” Gerard says, while shooting me a soothing smile. I shakily hand him the letter, and they both hug me before going downstairs.

I walk upstairs to Mikey’s room and sit down on the bed. I don’t know for how long, but I’m freaking all the time. I knew this was a bad plan. They’ll never look at me the same. They’ll never see me as their friend again, I’m sure. Why did I let myself get friends with them in the first place? I should have know it’d end badly! Why am I such a fuck up? I’m so lost in thoughts that I don’t even hear the door open.