Misery Loves Me

So, Gerard and I made the deal, and I’m send on a mission called ‘invite Ray to jam’. This may seem easy, but I felt incredibly nervous and apprehensive about it. I have asked Mikey to do it for me, but he says I am the one who knows Ray, and he isn’t. I don’t really agree with him, though, I mean, I know Ray, but barely! And Mikey has this confidence, and social skills that I just haven’t. But when I told them these really good and convincing, if I may say so, arguments they just laughed and said this was a kind of training for me to get the social skills. Ugh, what if I’ve changed my mind? I don’t want the skills at all, I just don’t want to do this.

But I’m still walking to biology and making up different scenarios of how I’ll invite Ray. When I enter the classroom, Ray’s already sitting in the far corner and waves to me. I drop myself on the chair next to him and get my notebook.

“Hey man! How are you?” He greets me.

“I’m fine, you?” Nervous, but that’d be stupid to say.

“I’m great, thanks!” Now is the time. I feel myself tense up a little, but still write the question down.

“Me and two friends are gonna jam today, you wanna come too?” I show it him, and watch his expression change into one of pleasant surprise.

“Yeah! That would be awesome! I thought would take you longer to overcome your awkwardness around me.” He says with a big grin. But I thought I wasn’t awkward around him? He seems to catch up with my confusion because he quickly explains himself further.

“Not that you were really awkward like, awkward all the time, but you didn’t really feel like you could trust me, not that you’ve said that you do now, but you at least trust me enough to ask me over, what would a big step for you, because I know you don’t do that really often and, not like I stalk you or something, but... Well, ... Sorry, that probably wasn’t that clear, but do you get my point?” I nod at him and give him a small smile. It seems like I’m not the only one who can’t find the right words at times.

“Where is this jam-party gonna happen?” Ray asks me.

“At the Way’s, they can give you the exact address if you come and sit with us?” Wow, I’m totally doing this social skills thing, I even invite him to sit with us!

“That would be nice,” Ray says, beaming at me. “Can I ask Bob to sit with us too?”

“Who’s Bob?” That was his friend right? I somewhat remember him calling him Bob.

“Yeah, it is. He’s really nice, don’t let you be fooled by his though appearance, he’s actually a softy. But don’t tell him I said that, he likes to think he really is though.” Ray tells me, shaking his head lightly. “But I’m sure he’ll like you!”

“And the Ways, they’re the guys you hang out with usually, right?”

“Yup, and it was them actually who made me build up the courage to ask you to come.” As soon as I have written that down, I feel a bit embarrassed. Isn’t that weird to say to someone? Especially when it’s them it’s about. But it’d be even weirder if I suddenly ripped off the page or something, so I decide to just show it to Ray as if it is totally normal.

“Well, I owe them then, don’t I?” He says, not weirded out at all, to my surprise and relieve.

“You don’t know that yet, maybe it’s gonna suck!” I write, sticking out my tong to Ray. But before he can answer the teacher demands our attention, and we actually pay attention to the lesson this time.

--

At break, Ray comes to sit with us, as promised, and brings Bob with him. I try to not let it show, but I’m quite nervous. What if Ray doesn’t like Gerard and Mikey? What if they don’t like Ray? And Bob... I don’t even know him yet! I don’t like to meet new people. Nope. I don’t.

“Hi guys! I’m Ray, as you probably already knew, and this Bob,” Ray says when he sits down. “And Frank here asked me to jam with you, as you probably already knew too, but I don’t have an address and I wanted to meet you first.” I shuffle my feet and look down. I don’t feel comfortable, like I’ve felt in the breaks lately, anymore. Can’t we skip this whole ‘let’s get to know each other’ thing and move on to just knowing each other and be friends? I find this rather awkward.

“That’s cool!” Mikey, the ever so sociable guy, grins at the two newcomers. “So you play guitar... Which bands do you like?” Of course he’s able of finding a topic we can all talk about for hours, and I’m thankful for it. We spend the rest of the break talking about bands, then about comics, Mikey’s and Gerard’s ever going discussion coming back, and before we know it the break’s over already. I haven’t really took part in any conversation, seeing as it’s hard to react fast when you have to write everything down, but I liked it nonetheless. When I walked to my next class together with Mikey I was quite satisfied: that went a lot better than expected, and feared!

--

After the last lesson, Gerard, Mikey and I walk to their house, stopping at mine to grab my guitar, while Ray goes to grab his. I haven’t really been nervous after the break, but now the nerves are coming back. If this goes well, I may actually have 3 friends! While just a few months ago, I had nobody. I was even losing myself! Because now I see I had some serious problems back then, but Mikey and Gerard helped me to get over most of them. I’m still not anywhere near ‘normal’, whatever that might be, but I know I’ll never be.

“Let’s get all the amps ready, so we can start to play when Ray comes!” Mikey’s clearly more excited for this than I am. But I smile at him, and help him carry the amps to his bedroom. We choose Mikey’s bedroom, because Gerard’s was full of his art stuff, and we didn’t want to be invading the living room. Mikey and I set everything up in his room, and Gerard gets some drinks and food. We’re teenage boys: we can’t do anything without food! When I’m just crouching behind an amp to plug in the plug, I hear Gerard’s voice.

“ Guys! Can I get any help here?” I look around and quickly get up to help when I see Gerard standing with his arms full food and drinks.

“I hope you don’t mind drinking all out of the same bottle? I couldn’t carry the glasses, and I’m too lazy to go and get them.” He says when we’ve placed everything on Mikey’s desk. I shrug and get the bottle of coke and take a swig. Mikey, who finished setting up everything, makes grabby hands at it, so I hand it to him and sit down on his bed myself.

“Guys, do you still think we need a singer?” Gerard asks as he spots the microphone. “You’ll do great just without me.” I shake my head violently, he promised!

“I guess I promised, didn’t I?” Gerard says when he sees me shaking my head. Beside the fact that he had promised it, I was really curious too, I had never heard him sing before!

“Yup! You did!” Mikey says excited. “And just do it, Frank’s dying to hear you sing!” I blush when Gerard look at me, but nod my head.

“You do?” Gerard asks, as if he hasn’t seen me nodding! Or he just doesn’t believe it. But I nod again, and look up at him. He looks back with a small smile on his lips. And do a spot a little red on his normally pale face? Then there’s a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it!” Mikey jumps up before jolting out of the room. “It’d be Ray, right?”

“Are you so nervous about this? Don’t be... I’m nervous enough for the both of us” I show Gerard my message and now I swear a see a little blush on his cheeks.

“That’s sweet, but I’ve never sung for people before, so I’ve a reason.” He says, dropping down to sit beside me on the bed.

“I’ve never interacted with people beside you and Mikey, so I’ve more reason to be nervous” I hear Mikey and Ray climbing up the stairs.

“Well, don’t be. It’s gonna be fun,” Gerard says while standing up. I stand up too, and he gives me a quick hug, just when Mikey and Ray come in.

“Well, let’s get this jam started!”