Misery Loves Me

When the movie was done, I hugged both of the Ways goodbye and headed home. I didn’t really want to go, but I didn’t want to be a bother. So now I’m making my homework. It’s chemistry. I’ve have to write down a couple of chemical equations, calculate how much of certain matter I need for the reaction, and how much I’ll get after the reaction. But I can’t really concentrate, I’m thinking too much about other things. I decide to eat first, and then try again.

--

After I making myself dinner and eating it, I sit down and try to concentrate on my homework again. This time, I succeed in finishing it. I play on my guitar for a while, and then decide that I should go to sleep. I’m more tired than normal, which is weird because I’ve done nothing too tiring. But, when I think about it, maybe I have. Socializing is new for me, and new experiences cost a lot of energy. When I’m in bed, I think about today. The Ways make my life a lot more enjoyable, the last 2 or 3 days were the best in my life. But I can’t be really happy about it, because one question is nagging me: How long will this last?

--

The following days pass by quickly. I go to school, talk with Mikey in class, or rather: have Mikey talking to me about the most stupid things with an unending enthusiasm. I have lunch with both Mikey and Gerard and go to theirs after school. I first hesitated when they asked if I wanted to come over again, but then Mikey said I didn’t even had a choice and that he would drag me if he had to. I became a little scared at first when he said that, but the grins on their faces told me that he was joking. It may seem weird, for that I’ve never socialized before, but I’m quite good at reading facial expressions. I think it is because I always could observe people while talking to each other, without them knowing. Nobody paid attention to me anyway, except when beating or bullying me ofcourse. I could see it when a boy found a girl annoying when she was completely oblivious. I knew it when someone had cheated on another because of their body language. I could tell when somebody was lying to his or her friend. I never had any experience in any social contact, but I learned from what I saw. Sadly enough, I didn’t learn how to act, and some expressions I can’t read because I never saw them before. But I was glad I did learn something.

The beatings were less frequent than usual. I always had Mikey and sometimes Gerard walking with me. I did catch a few punches and a lot dirty looks. But it seems like Gerard and Mikey scared them off. And when I did get beaten, it wasn’t that bad. Mikey and Gerard would clean me up and rant about the bullies for some time. It made me feel good that at least they cared. Because I believe them now. I know they care about me and like me. I’m not saying I deserve their kindness, but I believe they do care.

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It’s Saturday today, and I’ve got nothing to do. I’ve always spent my weekends just playing guitar, doing homework and doing literally nothing, but this time I miss something. I have this feeling that I don’t recognize. I lay my guitar down on my bad, and plop down next to him. When I’m staring at the ceiling I know what the feeling is. It’s the feeling of missing somebody. I miss Mikey and Gerard. It’s not weird that I miss them, seeing as I have spent this whole week with them, excluding the nights. But the fact that I have somebody to miss is.

I don’t know what to do now. I miss them, but I can’t call them, seeing as I don’t have a phone, and don’t speak. Can I just go over to them? I don’t think so. They’ll enjoy their Frank-free time. And, again, I don’t wanna be a bother. I decide to ignore it, and just play guitar for some more time.

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Sunday comes around, and I still miss the Ways. But it’s not like there’s anything I can do about it. I don’t even really want to, I don’t wanna ruin their weekend.

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I’m walking to school. It’s Monday and I feel like last week was a dream. I feel like that when I arrive at school, there won’t be any new people who’re called “Way”. Or they are there but don’t remember me. Or just don’t want to remember me. Sure, I believe they cared last week, but maybe they realized this weekend that I’m not worth it. I’m worth nothing.

Step, step. Keep your head low. Step, step. Don’t pay attention to the names they call. Step, step. Don’t draw any attention to yourself or you’ll be beaten up. Step, step. Let your bangs cover your eyes. Step, step. Only look at the ground you’re walking on. Step, step. Concentrate on walking, you don’t hear anything else. Step, step. Don’t think either, just walk. Step, st-

“Hey you!” My head snaps up as I feel a hand on my shoulder, stopping me from walking. Shit.