Sherry McGavin and the Sixth Reich

The day I met Greg was like something out of a fairytale or, more accurately, a young girl's coming of age novel. I was walking down some stairs, he was walking up, we bumped into each other and shit went flying. Although I was indeed at the time a young girl, I had already come of age many years prior to the incident and was therefore irritated and slightly angered by his careless and stupid behavior, as opposed to charmed and flabbergasted by such a romantic coincidence and obvious reflection of our destiny.

People often ask me why I fell for Greg. He was incredibly unattractive; a short, slim man who wore sweaters and had begun to develop a receding hairline before the age of twenty. He was dry, apprehensive, terrible in the bedroom and his attempts at telling jokes could cause the happiest man in the world to consider suicide. When people ask me why I fell for Greg I don’t have an answer, considering that I never did fall for him. In fact, the time I spent married to Greg were some of the most painful and un-arousing years of my entire life.

Now I’m sure you’re wondering how an attractive, educated, talented, affectionate and absolutely stunning woman like myself could marry, let alone sleep with a man like Greg. Fortunately for my pride, marrying Greg isn’t hard to justify - I was thirty seven and I didn’t want to die alone, however sleeping with him began in our youth...

You see, it was not Greg that I was interested in, but the type of relationship that being with a man like Greg could give me. Like every other woman out there I’ve always found power to be incredibly sexy. However, unlike most women I came to discover that weakness can be as well. Being with a man who was practically a woman gave me strength, power, something I had never experienced in my previous relationships with powerful men.

For a year Greg and I remained a couple, but as we reached the end of our high school experience we realized that it just wouldn’t work out. Greg wanted to be a homemaker and I needed some more time to sow my wild oats. And so we departed, each going our separate ways and remaining appart for nineteen wonderful years. During that time I hit it off with a rich older man who had a thing for earlobes and Greg...well, I don’t know what Greg did but I doubt he did much considering that he was unattractive, had low self esteem and a three inch penis.