Believe Me I'm Lying
44
He was leant on the counter when I rested my head on his shoulder. “Caleb” I said.
“I can get drinks on my own you know” he snapped moving away.
“Caleb” I repeated.
“No Tally I’m fine go back to the movie, I’ll get these!” I stood in front of him.
“Do you really want to lie to me again?” I said staring at him and he rolled his eyes and shook his head.
He sat down on the floor and I sat next to him “You know I thought I could be cool with this. I want to be I really do but I’m not. You and him it’s just not right!” he admitted quietly.
“I know, he’s your best friend it’s bound to feel weird” I admitted.
“When I think about it I’m fine but when I see it I’m not. Your mine and I don’t want him touching you,” he said and I looked at him shocked.
I’m his?
“What?” I asked.
“I didn’t mean it like that, well I did but it’s wrong to think that. I see him touching you and I want to break his hand. I can’t bear to think of you doing more than holding hands” he said clenching his fist.
I laughed “Caleb are you jealous?” I asked.
“Yes I’m fucking jealous!” he snapped and I smiled.
“Well you’re very attractive when your jealous” I replied and then realizing what I'd said.
“Don’t say things like that you’ll make me want to make a move and that’s wrong, your with my best friend I could never do that” he said hugging his knees.
He’d never hurt Jonathan; I was such an evil person.
For months I’d told Caleb I loved him, spent time together when he was willing to do so. But for months I’d also been sleeping with his best friend behind his back and I’d fallen in love with 2 guys at the same time, I mean who does that!
Telling Caleb was the only way to make me feel better about it, I needed to be punished for what I’d done but if I told him it’d break his heart and I couldn’t do that.
Some things are better left unsaid, I thought I was being selfish to start with, that lying was the option that protected me, my job and my new friendships but I’d come to see that while that was true I was doing the best for them two.
If I told Caleb he’d be crushed that I could do that to him but he’d be devastated someone whom he put all his trust in (Jonathan) could do it to him. He’d get angry and sure they’d fight but I knew he’d never forgive him and what would that mean for the band?
Jonathan relied on me lying too; if I told the truth he’d get beat up by Caleb, he’d lose his best friends and he’d lose his band and he couldn’t lose any of that.
Maybe my punishment was knowing what we’d done and having to live with it, every time I looked at Caleb I had to know that he punished himself for ‘breaking’ my heart when all along I’d done far worse.
To tell him was to break his heart and that was something I could never do.
It sounds stupid but if Jonathan told me I had to tell Caleb the truth or he’d leave me, I’d let him go.
It scared me that I’d make that choice, I love Jonathan completely but Caleb went through enough and it’s not the first time a girl’s cheated on him.
“Tally” he said shaking my shoulder dragging me out of my own thoughts.
“Yes?” I replied and he beamed at me.
“Was that a yes to my question or a yes to your name?” he asked.
“Yes to my name. What was the question?” I asked.
“You mean to say I’ve said all that and you weren’t even listening?” he asked and I bit my lip and he smiled.
“I said. I’m sorry for everything I caused between us. I knew I liked you from the beginning but I was too arrogant to just let things go, I wanted to get you before anyone else could. I didn’t respect us enough to think I had to try with you but I should have, any girl deserves a boyfriend that cares. I got my priorities wrong I should have spent the nights with you not out getting wasted. If I’d done that we’d still be together now and I know it” he said.
I shook my head “We won’t ever know that.”
“We would be together Tally! I’d have been here with you so the opportunity to cheat would have never happened. I was so stupid I can’t believe I wasted us on 4 stupid moments” he snapped.
“Caleb we’ve talked about this. It’s over, forgotten, we’ve moved on” I said putting my hand on his knee.
“I have to ask this. If I promised that I’d never ever look at another girl, that I’d always choose you first, that every moment possible I’d spend at your side, that I’d take things with us so slowly. If I showed you, proved to you that I meant it, would you give us another chance?” he asked as put his hand on mine and looked over at me.
“I can get drinks on my own you know” he snapped moving away.
“Caleb” I repeated.
“No Tally I’m fine go back to the movie, I’ll get these!” I stood in front of him.
“Do you really want to lie to me again?” I said staring at him and he rolled his eyes and shook his head.
He sat down on the floor and I sat next to him “You know I thought I could be cool with this. I want to be I really do but I’m not. You and him it’s just not right!” he admitted quietly.
“I know, he’s your best friend it’s bound to feel weird” I admitted.
“When I think about it I’m fine but when I see it I’m not. Your mine and I don’t want him touching you,” he said and I looked at him shocked.
I’m his?
“What?” I asked.
“I didn’t mean it like that, well I did but it’s wrong to think that. I see him touching you and I want to break his hand. I can’t bear to think of you doing more than holding hands” he said clenching his fist.
I laughed “Caleb are you jealous?” I asked.
“Yes I’m fucking jealous!” he snapped and I smiled.
“Well you’re very attractive when your jealous” I replied and then realizing what I'd said.
“Don’t say things like that you’ll make me want to make a move and that’s wrong, your with my best friend I could never do that” he said hugging his knees.
He’d never hurt Jonathan; I was such an evil person.
For months I’d told Caleb I loved him, spent time together when he was willing to do so. But for months I’d also been sleeping with his best friend behind his back and I’d fallen in love with 2 guys at the same time, I mean who does that!
Telling Caleb was the only way to make me feel better about it, I needed to be punished for what I’d done but if I told him it’d break his heart and I couldn’t do that.
Some things are better left unsaid, I thought I was being selfish to start with, that lying was the option that protected me, my job and my new friendships but I’d come to see that while that was true I was doing the best for them two.
If I told Caleb he’d be crushed that I could do that to him but he’d be devastated someone whom he put all his trust in (Jonathan) could do it to him. He’d get angry and sure they’d fight but I knew he’d never forgive him and what would that mean for the band?
Jonathan relied on me lying too; if I told the truth he’d get beat up by Caleb, he’d lose his best friends and he’d lose his band and he couldn’t lose any of that.
Maybe my punishment was knowing what we’d done and having to live with it, every time I looked at Caleb I had to know that he punished himself for ‘breaking’ my heart when all along I’d done far worse.
To tell him was to break his heart and that was something I could never do.
It sounds stupid but if Jonathan told me I had to tell Caleb the truth or he’d leave me, I’d let him go.
It scared me that I’d make that choice, I love Jonathan completely but Caleb went through enough and it’s not the first time a girl’s cheated on him.
“Tally” he said shaking my shoulder dragging me out of my own thoughts.
“Yes?” I replied and he beamed at me.
“Was that a yes to my question or a yes to your name?” he asked.
“Yes to my name. What was the question?” I asked.
“You mean to say I’ve said all that and you weren’t even listening?” he asked and I bit my lip and he smiled.
“I said. I’m sorry for everything I caused between us. I knew I liked you from the beginning but I was too arrogant to just let things go, I wanted to get you before anyone else could. I didn’t respect us enough to think I had to try with you but I should have, any girl deserves a boyfriend that cares. I got my priorities wrong I should have spent the nights with you not out getting wasted. If I’d done that we’d still be together now and I know it” he said.
I shook my head “We won’t ever know that.”
“We would be together Tally! I’d have been here with you so the opportunity to cheat would have never happened. I was so stupid I can’t believe I wasted us on 4 stupid moments” he snapped.
“Caleb we’ve talked about this. It’s over, forgotten, we’ve moved on” I said putting my hand on his knee.
“I have to ask this. If I promised that I’d never ever look at another girl, that I’d always choose you first, that every moment possible I’d spend at your side, that I’d take things with us so slowly. If I showed you, proved to you that I meant it, would you give us another chance?” he asked as put his hand on mine and looked over at me.