Stop me Before I Bleed Again

Gerard started driving down the road in silence. I was looking out the window crying silently. Why did Alyssa have to do that? I really don't understand why she hates me.

"Do you want me to take you to your house or mine." Gerard asked me. I thought it over for a minute, do I want to go to my house where Alyssa will be or Gerard's house where Mikey will be.

"I don't care just take me somewhere." I said really not caring. A few minutes later I noticed we were on Mikey's street so I guessed we were going there. Gerard pulled into their driveway and got out as did I. Walking up the walkway I was dreading every step I was taking. We got to the door and walked in.

I followed Gerard down the stairs and into the basement. He walked over to a door that was to the right of the main basement room. I followed him, it was a messy room filled with paintings and drawings.

"What's this?" I asked.

"It's my room. You can sit down anywhere you can find a spot." He chuckled when he said the last part. I moved some drawings out of the way and sat down with the drawings in my hands. They were really good.

"Did you draw these?" I asked.

"Yeah." He said sitting down next to me.

"They're really good." I complimented.

"Thanks. I'm going to art school currently." He said.

"That's cool." I said.

Sitting on his bed I couldn't help but think about what happened with Mikey just a few minutes ago. I wanted to go talk to him but I was afraid to, yet I had to go do it.

"Gerard I'm gonna go talk to Mikey." I said.

"Alright." He said. I got up from his bed and walked out his door. Slowly I walked up the stairs and made my way down the hallway. Soon I was standing outside of Mikey's door. I let out my breath and knocked on his door.

"Go away." He said.

"Please let me in." I said.

"What do you want." He said with anger in his voice.

"Just please let me in." I said, I heard rustling around then the door opened. His eyes were tear stained like mine and he wore a sad look.

"Come in." He said, I walked past him and he shut the door. "Sit down."

We both sat down on his bed and sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes.

"Mikey say something." I said getting uncomfortable with the silence.

"What do you want me to say."

"I want you to say that you believe me when I say that I didn't sleep with Matt willingly." I said with tears stinging my eyes.

"I wish I could." He said, his teary hazel eyes staring right into mine.

"Why don't you believe me." I asked wiping away my own tear. I remember when Mikey would wipe away my tears.

"I- really don't know I just think we need some time. Maybe we should break up." He said. When he said those two words I felt like I had no heard because Mikey ripped it out. I nodded yet started sobbing.

I got up, Mikey got up with me.

"Please don't cry over me." He said putting his hand on my back.

"Don't touch me." I snapped pulling his hand off of my back. "Just leave me the hell alone you asshole."

I couldn't believe that he was taking Matt and Alyssa's side. I could see that my words had hurt him but at the moment I couldn't give a fuck less.

I walked out of his house not even looking back to see if anyone was behind me. It took me almost twenty minutes to get home becuase of the slow pace I was walking at. I walked into my house and straight up to my room.

I walked to my closet, sat on the floor and opened up the chest of drawers that sat on the floor. There was a bottle of booze, a bottle of pills and a razorblade. I took all three of the items in my hands and set them up in front of me.

First I took the pill bottle, opened it up and dumped baisically the whole bottle onto my hands. Slowly I took them all downing the booze as I went along. By now tears were streaming down my face as I picked up the razor blade, I slid the sleeve of my hoodie up my arm. Slowly I slid the razor across my wrist about four times. I watched the blood pour onto the floor.

Without a sound or thought I lay myself down on the floor and waited until the pills, booze and blood loss caught up with me so I could leave this earth.