Drifting

“So just sign here and the building is yours!” Carson’s realtor smiled as she handed her a pen.
Carson took a deep breath, trying to keep her excitement and nerves to a minimum, “Wow, I honestly never thought that this day would come.”
“Well, believe it!”
With a swift hand, Carson scribbled her name in the paper, sat down the pen, and leaned back in her chair. “Wow, that was actually kind of anti-climactic,” she chuckled nervously.
“It’s all yours now,” the realtor said and placed a set of keys in Carson’s hand.
Her hand closed tightly around the key and she could feel the cool metal slightly cutting into her palm. She held it tighter until it almost hurt, as if to make sure that this was actually happening, to make sure that this was really real. Or maybe it was the fact she hadn’t had a cigarette in a week and she was feeling a bit stressed.

On a Sunday, two weeks later, Carson was covered in flour and trying to figure out the perfect chocolate to confectioner sugar ratio for her chocolate buttercream frosting. It was so close to being perfect. It needed to be the exact right balance of bitter and sweet. As she furrowed her brow in contemplation, a timer dinged and she rushed to the oven, pulling out a tray of perfectly puffed pumpkin-spice cupcakes. Carefully she set them on the cooling rack and wiped a hand across her forehead, leaving a streak of chocolate behind.
The faint sound of a “ding-dong” traveled back to the kitchen and Carson hurriedly tried to wipe her hands before she darted to the door. She glanced at the clock in the hallway as she passed, 1:40. Damn Kirsten for always being so early. With a smile plastered on her face, she threw open the wooden front door to greet Kirsten, only to find that she wasn’t alone. Matthew stood next to her, his hands stuffed in his brown corduroys and a dorky, but completely adorable smile on his face. His eyes flicked over her and she was suddenly very aware that you could see her bright red bra under her white shirt.
“HI!” Carson said, her tone slightly high pitched, due to surprise.
“Hello!” Matthew returned the greeting, his smile growing even larger.
“Hey, Gube heard that you were making cupcakes and he insisted on coming,” Kirsten laughed.
Carson let out a light laugh, “It’s completely fine! Come in, come in! Sorry if it’s a bit messy…” she motioned to the pile of shoes by the door and little things that she saw as clutter.
“You are a neat freak,” Kirsten shook her head and they followed her down the hallway and into the kitchen.
“And sorry that I’m covered in flour,” Carson said when they entered the kitchen. “I get a bit messy when I bake.”
“You also have what I think is chocolate on your forehead,” Matthew let out a small chuckle as he pointed to her forehead. Carson immediately crossed her eyes, trying to see the chocolate even though it was impossible. Kirsten said she was going to “powder her nose” with a small smirk, while Matthew picked up a dish towel that was lying on the counter and gently wiped Carson’s forehead clean.
“Thanks,” she smiled softly up at him.
“Anytime,” he smiled back, his brown eyes sparkling slightly. “Soooo… Do you think that was a good enough deed to earn me a cupcake?” He wiggled his eyebrows as he looked at the cupcakes on the cooling rack.
“OH! That reminds me, I’m still trying to get this buttercream perfect!” Carson exclaimed and she darted back over to her mixing bowl. “I think it still might be slightly too bitter.” She held the bowl out to Matthew, “Try some.”
“Just stick my finger in?” He raised an eyebrow. God he was adorable.
“Go for it.” She smiled and he let out a small “yippe!” that made her smile widen. He scooped a small amount of frosting onto his long index finger and promptly licked it off, his eyes widening, “That is delicious.”
“Really?” Carson furrowed her eyebrows. “You don’t think it’s too bitter?”
“No, that is perfect.”
“What’s perfect?” Kirsten asked, as she returned from “the powder room.”
“This frosting!” Matthew exclaimed. “Try some!”
And before Carson could pass the bowl Kirsten’s way, he snuck a finger in and got an impossibly large amount of frosting on his finger, “HEY!” Carson laughed, but tried to look stern. “There’s not going to be any left if you keep doing that.” Matthew just shrugged and cheekily continued to lick his frostafied finger.

Soon it was decided that the buttercream was perfect and Carson gently piped on a generous amount onto each cupcake. Extra strong coffee was made my Matthew since it turned out that they had the same coffee maker and they retreated into the sitting room.
They talked about how it was going on Criminal Minds (well) and then how Carson’s plans for the bakery were going (slowly), before Matthew, who had just finished his second cupcake, looked around the room and said, “When I get a house this is exactly how I would want it to look like. You have just the right amount of vintage and weird going on.”
“Thanks,” Carson laughed.
“This may sound strange,” Kirsten interjected, “but, when I first met you,” she motioned at Carson, “I felt like I was meeting the male version of Matthew.”
“Yeah, a pill popping, pessimistic, OCD version of Matthew,” Carson snorted, taking a sip of coffee. Neither of them said anything and she could feel them looking at her. She glanced at them, “What? God, I’m sorry. I’m just a little on edge. I quit smoking last week and I’m a little snippy.”
“You used to smoke?” Matthew wrinkled his nose slightly.
“Yeah, I did. It was kind of a coping mechanism I think.” She shrugged.
He looked at her oddly, “You don’t seem the time for some reason.”
“Well thank god you quit!” Kirsten exclaimed. “You’re way to pretty to smoke. It’ll ruin you.” Carson just blushed slightly in response and then Kirsten sighed and set her mug down on the side table. “I really should go. Melanie is getting home at 3:30 and I haven’t really spent any time with her this week.”
“Oh, yeah! No, that’s totally fine.” Carson said. “You should go spend time with your gal.”
They all stood up and exchanged hugs, Matthew turned to her and asked, “Do you mind if I stay for a little while longer? I have my eye on a third cupcake.”
“That’d be great! And I think you can have a third one.”
“You two are precious,” Kirsten laughed as she made her way out of the room and into the hallway. “Bye, loves!”
“Oh wait, Kirsten, let me come out and put that box in your car.” Matthew called after her. He turned back to Carson, “I’ll be right back.” He quickly dashed out of the room and Carson slumped back down into the overstuffed arm chair, her smile drop from her face. How was it that he had the ability to make her feel happy instantly? She couldn’t help but smile and laugh when he was around. She stared into her empty coffee cup and thought about the past year, all the ups and downs (mostly downs) and how hard she was trying to be happy again and get off those goddamn pills once and for all.
She hadn’t noticed Matthew come back into the room and she started slightly when he spoke, “Are you okay, Carson?”
“Hmm?” She looked up blearily. “Oh! Yeah, no, I’m fine.” She flashed a slightly forced smile.
He knew that she wasn’t tell the whole truth and he returned to his armchair, scooting it closer to hers. “Earlier, when you said ‘pill popping’ what exactly did you mean?”
Carson’s eye flickered around his concerned face and then to the floor and finally to her hands, which were still curled around the empty mug. “I guess, to just be simple and blunt about it… I take anti-depressants. I have since I was 14.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that. You don’t seem depressed.” He still hadn’t looked away from her face.
“Well I guess you could say that I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding it. But I’m working at it. One day I’m not going to need to take them.”
Matthew’s concerned face turned into one with a smile, “That’s a good goal.”
There was a moment of silence, almost uncomfortable.
Suddenly, he stood up and walked over to her bookcase and started reading the spines of books intently, “Quite a collection. This is impressive.”
“Thanks. Reading has always been one of the things that would distract me the most from my depression. I get to go into a completely different world, ya’know?”
“Exactly,” Matthew turned to her and his smile seemed to beam. God, he was cute. He continued to gently run his finger along the books, taking all the titles in and she continued to watch him. “We should go do something sometime,” He turned back to her, jolting her out of her trance of watching him. “Something interesting, like a museum or an art show.”
Carson was slightly taken aback. Did he just ask her out? Or was that a friend thing? But she smiled and nodded, “I’d like that.”
Matthew smiled that smile at her and turned back to her bookshelf.