Mourn the Losses. Cherish the Victories.

Chapter Fourteen

Frank finished off his bottle of water and threw it into the sea of screaming fans before handing off his guitar and following Gerard off stage.

"It’s getting pretty fucking wild out there." Gerard comment giving a quick glance back out into the pit where bottles and anything else that could be found was flying through the air.

Frank could only nod, gratefully accepting another bottle of water and a towel from a roadie. "Do you have any idea where Zacky would be?" He asked, glancing around the cramped backstage area.

"I have no clue." Gerard shrugged, looking around himself. "They're done playing for today so they could be anywhere getting drunk or whatever it is that they do."

Frank took in the information before turning and weaving his way through roadies and others back stage vaguely aware of Gerard yelling after him about a meet and greet they had later. Not that it mattered if he was present or not. There were more pressing matters that needed attending too.

Just as Gerard predicted two of the five members of Avenged Sevenfold were lounging around their bus, each with a drink in hand. Frank couldn’t help but wonder how they held their liquor so well. Maybe Frank just happened to show up at the wrong time.

"Hey! Frank, haven’t seen you around. Where have you been?" Johnny Christ was the first to notice him greeting him loudly. It was obvious he had a few more drinks then the others.

"I’ve been on the tour bus next to yours for the last month." Frank raised an eyebrow, quite amused by Johnny’s intoxicated state. He couldn’t hold back a laugh as the Rev reached over and grabbed the bottle of beer from Johnny’s hand causing him to yell and fall off the couch.

"I think you’ve had enough little man." The Rev easily held the bottle out of Johnny’s reach taking a few sips of his own. "You looking for Zacky?" He noticed Frank’s eyebrows knit in confusion, and shrugged. "Gerard said you would probably stop by to talk to him."

"Gerard?" Frank was caught completely off guard. Gerard must have known something was up if he thought Frank would stop by to talk to Zacky. Did he know about Pete? How he used him to crack down Lily? "Did Gerard say anything else?"

The Rev shook his head, shoving Johnny away from him. "No, but man, I just want you to know, I’m rooting for you. I would have cracked the first week." He cringed and chugged down the rest of his beer. "Not being able to pet the wookie? That’s just fucked up."

"Pet the wookie?" Frank repeated, not sure if he heard right. He never heard that term before for masturbating, and couldn’t help but laugh to himself as he maneuvered his way around Johnny and the Rev to the back room.

The back room was a mess, worse than their bus even after Mikey and Bob finished with their video game wars. Zacky sat in the middle of the mess propped comfortably on the small couch surrounded by containers of left over food and empty bottles.

A porno was playing on the television, and Zacky did nothing to cover it up as Frank entered the room. Instead, he grinned and cleared a space beside him on the couch shoving clothes to the floor adding more to the mess.

"Frankie! Sit. Watch." Zacky patted the empty spot next to him, making it painfully obvious that he knew he would stop by. "What can I do for you today?"

"I’m going to get right to the point." Frank sat down, his body tense. He took in a deep breath trying to relax himself. "I need your help—"

"With the bet I’m guessing?"

Frank let out a sigh. He tried not to sound frustrated, but it was difficult. "Yes, with the bet."

"Well, frankly, I don’t think of want to be part of destroying a young girl’s innocence."

"Cut the bullshit, Vengeance. "Frank couldn’t help but roll his eyes at Zacky’s sarcasm. "You know as well as I do that you’re getting off with all this."

"You got it all wrong. That—" Zacky pointed at the television, the porno still playing. "Is what gets me off. This, this is just straight up good entertainment. Touring can get quite boring."

"Look," Frank grumbled, rubbing his temples trying to control his anger. "I need your help. I would just ask someone else, but you're the only one that has access to Janie, and I highly doubt Lily would even look twice at anyone else, she's probably going to be iffy with you."

Zacky chuckled and shook his head noticing how aggravated Frank was becoming. "You're going all out on this aren't you? You know, you could end this all right now. I could leave you alone for a few minutes and you could get all your frustrations out. How long has it been, Frank? I know you must be just dying too."

"Believe me; this whole thing will be finished within the next few days. It's been drawn out way too long." Frank let out a long sigh, before lighting up a cigarette.

He was smoking a significant larger amount of cigarettes now then he was before Gerard started this whole mess. This girl was getting to him, eating slowly away at his nerves. He was going to finish this any way he could.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Lily picked absently at the black nail polish that covered her left hand, flicking the specs to the dirt ground. Her eyes scanned the notebook in front of her, page after page filled with her own handwriting.

It was just ramblings and rants, but it needed to come out. Everything she was afraid to say, and things she would never admit out loud were on those pages. One line at the very bottom of the page stood out the most. In bold writing she wrote 'I know what I want.' She even went as far as to underline the words.

"Writing your life story?"

Lily dropped her pen and looked up at Pete with a blank stare, who returned the look, and repeated his question. Lily shook her head, and turned the notebook over uncomfortable with anyone, especially Pete, seeing her writing.

"What do you want?" Lily cleared her throat in an attempt to sound confident, but her voice came out hoarse, and strained.

"I just want to let you know that Patrick is not doing too good, and I think you should talk to him before he goes completely off the edge."

"He's your friend. You talk to him."
"Lily," Pete cleared his throat, and sat down at the small picnic table. "You're the reason why he's upset so it only makes sense that you talk to him."

"Me? I just told him the truth—"

"Yea, that you fucked his best friend."

Lily's jaw dropped open. She couldn't believe that he had the nerve to blame this all on her. "Yea, fine. It's all my fault. You had nothing to do with it." She growled, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Aww, Lily, please don't start crying." Pete grimaced at the mere thought, noticing Lily's eyes glass over which meant the water works would begin any moment. He could handle anything, but women crying. He had a weakness.

"Don't start crying?" Lily's throat tightened, and a few tears fell down her cheeks. Gritting her teeth, she wiped her face trying her hardest to stop more tears from coming. "You're blaming me for something I didn't do. You started this."

"Oh, that's mature."

"You're the one that needs to grow up!" Lily snapped her voice louder than she expected. "Just because you have money, and you think you're fucking famous doesn't mean you can fuck with people."

"You're not so perfect either sweetheart," Pete replied, his voice calm but firm. "Janie told me everything about your parents, about school. You fucking walk around with a goddamn chip on your shoulder because somewhere in your mind you think that’s gonna protect you from the world—" Pete leaned across the table placing a hand over Lily's mouth before she could interrupt him. He stared intently into her eyes, not removing his hand. "You live in a fantasy world, get out of it. This is the real world. People fight, they disagree, and adults act like little kids. Get over it."

Lily licked her lips once Pete removed his hand from her mouth. Their eyes were still locked, and for a moment the two just sat in silence staring.

"I'll talk to Patrick," Lily said, her voice quiet. She broke their eye contact, and shifted uncomfortable under his stare. "I fucked up, I'll fix it."

Pete raised his eyebrow, surprised Lily gave up that easily. He wasn't use to dealing women so calm. "So, that’s it? No yelling, no screaming, no telling me I'm an idiot?"

"I live in a fantasy world so I can avoid all that bullshit. If you had any clue what you were talking about, you would know that," Lily retorted, and stood, hoping Pete would get the hint and just go away. "It's not like you would actually listen to me if I did those things anyway."

Pete had an urge to yell after Lily as she walked away. Perhaps he could start up another fight. He just didn’t feel complete. Janie would yell, fight, scream and when that was over they would end the fight by having sex. Lily always left things up in the air, and it irritated him that she just couldn't put things to an end.

Lily stopped, flipping her notebook over reading the last sentence on her page again and again. Digging in her pocket, Lily found a pen, and wrote in large bold letters on the bottom of the page: I KNOW WHAT I WANT.

She stared at the letters, underlining the words to emphasize them. Maybe now she could convince herself of that.

(2 hours later)

Lily covered her head with a pillow trying to block out the obnoxious laughter coming from outside the bus. Tonight, of all nights, someone decided that it would be a fun idea to have a small get-together. Boys being boys they agreed, and turned a small gathering into, from what Lily could hear, a drunken orgy.

Maybe she was over exaggerating, she was sure that wasn't the case, but with liquor involved anything could be possible. A good long drink didn't sound like a bad idea at the moment; the thought almost tempted her to leave the bunk she was lying in since her second encounter with Pete, but she didn't budge. She couldn't seem to rip her eyes from the ceiling of her bunk.

Her notebook lay on her stomach, pen by her side, opened to a blank page. There was so much more to write, but she couldn't manage to get any of it out. Flipping back a page, she stared at the bold letters at the bottom of the page letting out a long sigh.

She wrote it, but she didn't believe it. No matter how many times she read it. Squinting her eyes she read another quick note she scribbled. Apologize to Patrick.

Why she told Pete she would actually apologize to Patrick, she didn't know. She wanted to fix their friendship, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized she didn't do anything wrong. She wanted it; she didn't stop it, why should she feel bad about it?

A sound from the back lounge finally broke her stare, and caught her interest. She couldn't remember anyone coming back onto the bus; Pete was most likely outside, along with Joe and Andy. Patrick, he could be anywhere drowning in his sorrows if Pete was actually right about something.

Lily sat up, a giggle and a crash coming from the back room. There was definitely someone back there. She hesitated, unsure if she should investigate or not, peaking her head through the curtain.

The door to the back room was closed and for a moment Lily thought, that perhaps, she was imagining the whole thing. Maybe dreaming, but the moment her feet hit the ground another giggle, even louder this time, came from behind the closed door.

"What the hell?" Lily mumbled to herself, placing her hands on the door as quietly as possible and pressing her ear against the wood.

When she was met with silence, she didn't hesitate to grab the doorknob and pull open the door. What Lily saw shocked her, and she was positive she looked ridiculous with her mouth hanging open.

Patrick sat on the couch with his legs spread wide; a beer in one hand while the other caressed the brunette's head, who was settled comfortably in the space between his legs. It was quite obvious what they were doing, and Lily knew she should look away, but she couldn't. She continued to stare until Patrick finally noticed her.

"Shit, Lily, what the fuck?" Patrick cried, standing up, shoving the brunette away from him. In his rush to cover himself, he dropped the bottle of beer to the ground spilling it everywhere.

The brunette girl whined loudly, most of the liquor wetting her barely there outfit. With a huff she stood, shooting Lily a death glare and shoving past her out of the room.

Lily could only stare. That girl hardly looked past the age sixteen; there was no way she was of legal age. That made this whole situation that much more shocking.

"How old was she?" Lily knew by the look of anger on Patrick's face that asking that wasn't the smartest way to start a conversation, but she couldn't stop herself.

"How old wa-. That's none of your business!" Patrick adjusted his pants, making sure everything was in its place before looking down at the floor with a long sigh. He picked up the now empty bottle, brushing past Lily, and headed into the kitchen area.

"That girl didn’t look even close to the age eighteen." Lily looked at the couch, than back at Patrick, still unsure if what she saw moments ago actually happened. She expected this kind of thing from Pete, or perhaps Joe, but not Patrick.

Patrick always seemed, in her eyes, the perfect gentleman. Someone who would open up doors for his date, and bring her flowers. She expected too much out of him, and just like everyone else in her life he disappointed her.

"Don't worry about it." Patrick grumbled, kneeling on the floor with a wet cloth scrubbing at the beer stain on the rug.

"Are you so desperate now that you have to mess around with underage groupies?" Lily ignored his words, watching him scrub away at the stain. "You're just making it worse."

Patrick threw the rag aside, and stood. "Don't Lily, just don't. I'm drunk and you're obviously –you're obviously pissed off. I don't know why, I'm the one that should be pissed. You fucked my best friend."

Lily knew Patrick would bring this up, but she still wasn't prepared for it. She had spent the last hour trying to convince herself that she shouldn't feel guilty about sleeping with Pete, and she had done a pretty good job up until now. All the guilt was coming back.

Closing her eyes, Lily took in a deep breath. "Please don't do that. Don't make me feel like I did some horrible thing."

"Are you hearing what you're saying?" Patrick was trying to keep his cool, but it was slowly slipping away. And the amount of alcohol in his system was not helping. "You slept with Pete. That's just wrong by itself."

Lily gritted her teeth trying to keep her composure, but she was having a difficult time. Her chest heaved, and her eyes stared at the ceiling trying to blink back tears of anger. She was sick of people telling her all her choices were wrong. She was sick of everyone making her feel wrong.

"You wanna know what, Patrick? I honestly don't care what you think, and I honestly don't think what I did was that horrible." Lily swallowed thickly, and wiped the tears from her cheeks, looking Patrick dead in the eyes. "Hell, I enjoyed it."

The surprised and crushed look on Patrick's face didn't faze Lily at all. She was done trying to please everyone.

"I fucked Pete Wentz, and I fucking enjoyed it." Lily said the words slowly, making sure to put emphasis on Pete's name. It felt good to finally say that out loud. She felt as if a huge burden was lifted off her shoulders.

Patrick, on the other hand, wasn't feeling that well. He was crushed, and quite honestly very surprised. Not that Lily had slept with Pete, he knew that, but that Lily was being so brutal about it.

"Get out." Patrick didn't recognize his own voice when he spoke. He was angry, and hurt, and the last person he wanted to look at was Lily. Why she continued to stand there and stare at him, he didn't know. "Get Out!"

His harsh voice echoed through the empty bus, making Lily jump and put some distance between them. An uncomfortable silence followed Lily desperately trying to find her voice to say something, and Patrick just glaring.

Lily couldn't remember anyone looking at her with so much hate, and anger. The last thing Lily wanted to do was walk away from this, but at the moment it seemed liked the best option. Patrick was staring at her like he wished she were dead and anything that came from her mouth would make the situation worse.

Lily whispered a pitiful 'I'm sorry' unsure if Patrick heard her or not before turning to leave. The horrible thing was she wasn't sorry, not in the least bit. She was free of her burden, Patrick knew now and it was one less thing for her to worry about. Now she just had to worry about Patrick hating her.

Outside wasn't as horrible as she imagined. Everyone was gathered around in sloppy circles, lounging in lawn chairs, and some laughing while others just downed beer after beer. A few girls were scattered here and there, no one Lily noticed.

It was nearly dark outside making it easy for Lily to slip past the others. Not that anyone would notice her if it wasn't dark, everyone was either too drunk or involved in their own activities.

Lily surprised herself when she stopped, and glanced around the parking lot looking for Pete. She wanted to smack herself when she realized what she was doing. There was a part of her that wanted to hate him, but the other half just couldn't and it drove her nuts.

This was a guy that used her and still she wanted him in her life. Pete was the guy a girl like her wasn't supposed to end up with, according to Janie anyway, but maybe Janie was wrong. Maybe Lily wasn't who Janie thought she was.

Before Lily could even make it past the fourth bus, she ran into someone quite hard sending her flying to the ground. For a moment she thought about just lying there, ignoring the person hovering above her, hoping if she closed her eyes they would just go away.

No such luck.

"Hey, are you alright?"

Lily opened her eyes, one at a time, allowing her vision to focus. If she remembered correctly, the man standing over her was Zacky Vengeance. Patrick pointed him out to her one day before a show when Janie actually came out from hiding. And of course she remembered when he caught her on his bus, half naked.

"I'm fine."

Zacky looked down at Lily curiously, taking a long sip from his beer. "Then why are you just lying there?"

"I figured if I just lied here you would go away." Lily propped herself up on her elbows accepting the hand Zacky offered. "I guess you didn't get the hint."

Zacky smirked and easily lifted Lily to her feet, causing her to slam into his chest once again. He gave her a suggestive smile making her cheeks turn a dark red, and put some distance between them. Satisfied with his work Zacky offered Lily the bottle of beer in his hand surprised when she took it instantly downing the rest of it.

"Didn't think you drank." Zacky said truthfully, accepting the empty bottle from her hand.

Lily licked her lips, allowing the last of the bitter liquid to slide down her throat with a grimace. "Didn't think I did either. You wouldn't happen to have any more would you?"

Zacky's lip curled into a smirk. This was going to be easier then he thought. Slipping an arm around Lily's shoulder, he led her towards the tour bus throwing the empty bottle to the ground.