‹ Prequel: Happily Ever After
Sequel: Melting Ice
Status: Complete

I'm Simply Leaving

Deep Emptiness

Shane’s point of view.
Saturday, the day after the funeral.
Conrad’s apartment.

Holy Moses on a pogo-stick this guy was hot, especially now that he wasn’t wearing a shirt.
We’d gone tonight to a meat festival of a restaurant. It was every linebacker’s dream place… All you can eat meat and more meat. With a side plate of meat. It was our second non-date, date. Afterwards we’d come back to his apartment to play some video games.

It was during out carousing that he’d spilt some of his wine on his shirt and now stood over the basin with said shirt no longer covering his back, but in his hands trying to get the stain out. I was leaning against the door frame, enjoying the view and feeling the stirrings of desire. I know it’s way too soon for anything like that and besides, I really like him and he’s a good friend. My first since Kayla and I need him too much to fuck it up by sleeping with him.

He looked up from where he was scrubbing to see me admiring him. He blushed and went back to his task.

Being this close to someone was actually starting to freak me out a little. I guess I just had to get used to it. It was another main reason why I didn’t want to go too fast with Conrad. I’m afraid I might spook myself. He was just too good to give up.

Kayla sent me another post card the other day. Two actually. They came one right after the other. The first was of a beautiful desert in Saudi Arabia and the other was of a Russian cemetery. Which I personally thought was a bit mean of her. She’d written that one of her oldest friends had died and so I get why she was there, but seriously… Aiden lives in Moscow. I’m sorry that her friend is dead, but couldn’t she have sent me a postcard with a bird or a flower instead of a picture of the city where my ex-boyfriend and current love of my life was living? Sometimes I think the woman lacks a bit of sensitivity.

Which was a nasty thing for me to say. She’d tried to be there for me when Aiden had left and she’d done it with a tact that my parents, teachers and those hospital shrink idiots hadn’t possessed. I’m not mad at her that she’d eventually given up on me either. I couldn’t very well expect the woman to give up the rest of her life just to mollycoddle me. It’s not like it’s her fault that Aiden met someone else and left me…

So, in regards with the postcard thing; I am a little pissed at her for the reminder of Aiden, which was stupid, because it’s not like I ever stop thinking about him. I’m also grateful for the reminder that it’s time to move on and to stop devoting so much of my energy and time on Aiden.

I swear my feelings for Aiden and Kayla are exactly the same. I can’t decide whether or not I hate them or love them. Fantastic.

I dragged my phone out of my jean pocket and saw that it was really late.

“Yo, Conrad, I have to get going, my man. I have an early class tomorrow and I still have to go over some notes before I crash.”

“It’s cool. I’ll text you later,” he replied.

I got my car keys and headed out of his apartment towards my car. When I got to my dorm room, I took off my clothes, throwing them in the hamper and grabbed my books. I settled in on the bed and got to reviewing.

When I was done, I put my stuff in my bag and on my way to switching off the light, I passed a mirror. I’m glad to say that I was gaining weight, even if it was a slow process and that I looked less like a raccoon every day. The emo look that I’d been sporting for the last few months was receding, but I doubted that it would ever go away completely. I had been sleeping more than my usual three hours a day, but it wasn’t enough.

I think any psychologist would tell you that I was suffering from depression and I knew that the deep emptiness that I felt inside would probably always be there. So, a lifetime of insomnia for me. Yay. I’m so excited.

I put off the light and got under the covers. I lay awake for hours and my last thought before I finally fell asleep, was how I would give anything to be in Aiden’s arms right that second.

Which was unfair towards Conrad. Then again, it’s not like I have any say over what my heart wants…
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