Look at Me Through Those Golden Eyes

Seth's POV

I was lying around at the Cullen's house. The pack had officially decided that it would probably be best for me to stop going to school, at least for now, while I was deemed suicidal. The Cullens had offered to watch over me, as the pack were worried to leave me alone. Right now, I was with Edward. Surprisingly, I liked being around him better than anyone else at the moment. You would think that being around another Masen would bring back memories I wouldn't want to remember, but Edward knew what I was going through better than anyone. He knew what it was like to be away from the person you loved more than life itself. Bella would probably have been a better candidate for the role of my companion, having been left by the one she loved , like myself, but she was too sympatheic. I didn't want sympathy, I wanted someone to kill me, preferably in the most painful way possible. It couldn't hurt anymore than the pain I was feeling now. Edward had his head in his hands, he felt the loss of his sister almost as much as I felt the loss of my love. Except I was in ten thousand times more pain than him, and he knew it.

"You know..." Edward started mumbling. "Eliza" I flinched at the name, but Edward continued. "Eliza was a good actress as a human. Before she fell sick with the influenza, she auditioned for a part in Anne of Green Gables, and later, she got the lead. She was going to play Anne, but of course she ended up being too sick to attend. Such a shame, really. She really is very good." I had no idea where this was going. Why would I care that Eliza was good at acting? Eliza was perfect at everything. Of course Edward heard this with his mind reading gift. He lifted his head to look at me. "One reason I think she was so good was because she wouldn't just act out the character, she would become them. I remember she was playing Helena in the school play A Misummer Night's Dream. She was almost unbearable to live with those few monthes, becoming all heartbroken and jealous." I still didn't see where Edward was going with this. He sighed, obviously hearing my confusion. " Was there anything Eliza said to you before all that disaster happened?
Yeah... A vampire of my calibre could never love a lowly mutt like you. I thought to Edward. I remembered those words as if they had been imprinted into my brain. They still hurt, everytime I thought about it, it felt like my heart shattered again.
"No Seth. Before that? Anything before that?"
*Flasback*
"We don't have all day, Seth" I laughed, pulling the pants on. "Seth, I don't know if this is too much to ask, but... Ummm... Maybe if it's not to hard, could you maybe not think about what umm... What happened last night, around Edward? He's my big brother, and, well, he might be just a tad bit protective and ummm... Angry at you. " She looked embarassed. I got up and grabbed her hands.
"Dont worry about it. I'll keep it quiet, although Leah might not be as pissed that her 16 year old brother's not a virgin anymore now she's got Jet." She smiled sweetly and laughed, pulling me out the door.
"Eliza, we've gotta go." Edward said to her.
"Okay, just give me a minute." She said, turning to me. Edward went outside and we were alone. she stroked my face.
"Seth. I'm so sorry." She said quietly before following Edward outside.
*End of Flasback*
"I wasn't meant to show you that." I said, ducking my head. Eliza had told me not to show Edward what we did.
"Dont worry Seth, I already knew. But the interesting part was when Eliza said sorry. Do you know what she was appologising for?" No. I still didn't understand what Eliza had been sorry for. Edward shook his head, hearing my thoughts.
"Did you not listen to anything I just told you. Eliza's an amazing actor. She was acting when she said she didn't love you. I didn't pick that up because she becomes the character she is playing so all I could hear in her head was anger, spite, smugness and lust for Alec, but that's just the character . The real Eliza was there, just hidden beneith layer after layer of her acting skills and experience." I would not believe it. I couldn't. If it was false, and I let myself believe it, if I let myself think Eliza actually loved me, and she didn't, I would be crushed. Beyond crushed. I'd be shattered into a squillion pieces, impossible to repair when the fact that she despised me was confirmed.
"Cant you see Seth? That's what Eli was appologising for. For breaking your heart. But I can guarantee you she is just as torn up right now as you are." Edward said again. I looked at him blankly. He slammed his fist against the coffee table, shattering it, in impatiance.
"Seth. Just trust me." I couldn't trust him. It would only hurt me more in the end. Because Eliza couldn't love me, could she?
But I knew I was beginning to doubt myself. Just thinking about her golden eyes had me thinking. And suddenly I found myself again.

"That's it Seth." Edward said smiling. "Keep it up, you never know what will happen. Karma is unpredictable." I snorted, cracking the first smile in weeks. Since when did vampires believe in Karma?