Unspoken
Cross This Line.
His hand is on the door knob, turning it slowly, as if he’s waiting for me to say something. I can feel anxiety, fear, relief, excitement, content, all rising up in my throat, blocking anything from escaping—a squeak is all I manage before he slumps his shoulders and opens the door and walks back inside.
It’s not till I call out his name before he disappears around the corner that I realize I’ve followed him. He stops but doesn’t turn around to face me; my heart feels like it’s going to explode out of my chest. I take the few steps it takes to reach him, an arm’s reach away. I bite my lip and finally speak.
“I…Evan…”
His shoulders tense at his name, and I ache to reach out and touch him.
“Can…can you at least look at me? Please.”
He sighs but slowly turns to face me; his eyes full of emotions I can’t bare to stand having put there. I cast my gaze to the floor, ashamed and disappointed in myself for hurting him like I did. My breaths are uneven, my heart is pounding—I swear he can hear it.
“You need to look at me too.”
It was barely over a whisper but my head jerked up in response to his voice. He offered me a weak smile before letting the hurt take over his features once again. Without even thinking, I reach out, bringing both of my hands up, cupping the sides of his head. Pulling him closer to me, his hands clutching at my sides, scrunching my shirt beneath them; I simply stare at him. Hoping beyond anything my expression says what I physically cannot in this moment.
A slight smile spreads across my face as I notice the hurt and despair in his eyes fade, and what I’m screaming at him through my eyes is all being reflected back at me. I move closer to him, our breaths just barely mingling between us and take him in. The slight slope to his nose, the roundness of its end; his barely there upper lip, the plump bottom--this has been in front of me this whole time.
“Jared.”
I close my eyes at the sound of my name on his lips. Once I open them he’s still right there, clutching me like I’m the only thing that matters to him. His eyes full of acceptance, his lips slightly parted and I can’t help but stare. I take in a deep, harsh breath and close my eyes again, leaning ever so slightly forward, his warm puffs of breath fluttering over my lips.
I move the mere inches I’m away from his mouth, pressing my lips against his. His own pressing back, moving just as slow as mine; a sound of desperation is muted in one of our closed mouths—perhaps from both. His fingers tighten, digging into me through my shirt, the warmth from their tips burning; my own clinging to him, feeling his hair slip through my fingers as I grasp desperately at his head.
This beautiful boy I hold in my hands, with one kiss, has taken my entire being captive. Perhaps he had a long time ago and I had never realized till now. He pulls back first and I slowly open my eyes, finding his own wide, pupils blown and harsh breaths escaping his parted lips. I let a small smile show, my eyes locking with his; the moment they do, something within me breaks—I think this is love.
It’s not till I call out his name before he disappears around the corner that I realize I’ve followed him. He stops but doesn’t turn around to face me; my heart feels like it’s going to explode out of my chest. I take the few steps it takes to reach him, an arm’s reach away. I bite my lip and finally speak.
“I…Evan…”
His shoulders tense at his name, and I ache to reach out and touch him.
“Can…can you at least look at me? Please.”
He sighs but slowly turns to face me; his eyes full of emotions I can’t bare to stand having put there. I cast my gaze to the floor, ashamed and disappointed in myself for hurting him like I did. My breaths are uneven, my heart is pounding—I swear he can hear it.
“You need to look at me too.”
It was barely over a whisper but my head jerked up in response to his voice. He offered me a weak smile before letting the hurt take over his features once again. Without even thinking, I reach out, bringing both of my hands up, cupping the sides of his head. Pulling him closer to me, his hands clutching at my sides, scrunching my shirt beneath them; I simply stare at him. Hoping beyond anything my expression says what I physically cannot in this moment.
A slight smile spreads across my face as I notice the hurt and despair in his eyes fade, and what I’m screaming at him through my eyes is all being reflected back at me. I move closer to him, our breaths just barely mingling between us and take him in. The slight slope to his nose, the roundness of its end; his barely there upper lip, the plump bottom--this has been in front of me this whole time.
“Jared.”
I close my eyes at the sound of my name on his lips. Once I open them he’s still right there, clutching me like I’m the only thing that matters to him. His eyes full of acceptance, his lips slightly parted and I can’t help but stare. I take in a deep, harsh breath and close my eyes again, leaning ever so slightly forward, his warm puffs of breath fluttering over my lips.
I move the mere inches I’m away from his mouth, pressing my lips against his. His own pressing back, moving just as slow as mine; a sound of desperation is muted in one of our closed mouths—perhaps from both. His fingers tighten, digging into me through my shirt, the warmth from their tips burning; my own clinging to him, feeling his hair slip through my fingers as I grasp desperately at his head.
This beautiful boy I hold in my hands, with one kiss, has taken my entire being captive. Perhaps he had a long time ago and I had never realized till now. He pulls back first and I slowly open my eyes, finding his own wide, pupils blown and harsh breaths escaping his parted lips. I let a small smile show, my eyes locking with his; the moment they do, something within me breaks—I think this is love.