The stages of falling

I was with my best friend on the way to a gig. She took me to new bands she found and I took her to new bands that I found. I sat uncomfortably in the back of her car. Her mum drove us, and she made me were a hoodie to cover the tattoo on my arm, her mum was anal. But she had no idea where we were going. I insisted to drive, but her mum was one of those anal women that didn’t let her 18 year old daughter drive with friends. All I could do most of the time was sigh.

“Thanks mum, remember, im sleeping at nic’s tonight”

“Yes sweetie, I know” he kissed her mum on the cheek and opened the door for me.

“Thanks Mrs. L”

She shoot me an approving glance and let us go.

We waited in line with our tickets ready; a large man with absolutely no hair checked our tickets and nodded.

Once inside the hot and stuffy air filled my lings and the stench of sweat was both disgusting as well as appealing. The feeling I got from gigs was unexplainable. It was just a place were everyone went to be part of a crowd for one night, and not stand out or be judged.
“Who are we seeing anyway?” I laughed; we went to any show possible, even if we didn’t know the band. Gigs were just an excuse to mosh until you can’t feel your legs, our little form of escapism.

“I don’t know, let’s just enjoy” she yelled over the crowd.

Then chords were struck, and ear splitting screams and growls were heard. The drums could have given my parents a heart attack and the bass ripped so fucking loud I needed to grab my stomach just to keep my insides intact. Perfect.

My body moved messily to the beat and I felt an unusual amount of pressure on my back, like someone was purposely rubbing against me. I turned around to see a guy with dark hair and a smirk on his pierced lips, I couldn’t really see the rest of his face but, I knew he had some sort of intention. He pulled me in to kiss me and I leaned into him grabbing his shirt to hold grasp of him.

This wasn’t just a regular kiss, this was getting heated, my hand tangled in his hair and lips were everywhere from my neck to my lips, he tasted like alcohol. It got so heated we couldn’t be separated, the crowd pushed us back until we were released of the mosh pit and were standing with at the back, still making-out.

His hand slipped under my singlet, and his other hand moved down my waist to my thigh.
“Get a room!” I heard ali laugh.

I pulled back smiling and took a good look at the guy, his piercing hazel eyes were not a stranger to me. His messy dark hair hung in front of his face. In that second I looked into his eyes they widened with fear and he bit his lip nervously. Oliver Sykes.

I stood there with my jaw dropping to the floor.

“OLI” I said thought my teeth.

“Oh shit” his voice was small. Then he ran back to the mosh to get lost in a crowd of people.
I let my head fall into the palm of my hand. Oli was my ex. We did the whole, best friends since birth thing, and then we started dating, and my big brother Lee wasn’t really impressed with that, he had this feeling that oli wasn’t really right for me. And he was right. Oli tore everything from me, and then I found out later, he was cheating on me the whole time we were dating. Let’s just say, I was overly fond of oli.

Rage pierced through my veins. I was mad he did that and I never got to punish him. I was mad that I made out with him. I was mad that he was doing this kind of stuff behind my back while we were dating. And I was mad that I enjoyed it. Yep, that last one really got me steamed.

I ground my teeth and walked calmly towards the exit of the venue with clenched fists. Ali was close on my back. When I was out of the venue, away from the eyes and ears that would witness this, I screamed.

“Sorry nic” she said sympathetically.

Then I let the tears fall, this scar was open for quite a while, then I managed to move on. But seeing him again felt like ripping a Band-Aid of it and leaving it to pulsate blood down my leg.

She rubbed my back and soothed me until I didn’t have any tears left, my eyeliner ran down my face and I wiped it away with the back of my hand.

“Let’s go home” 3 syllables was all I could manage tonight.

She nodded. We took our bags from the bathroom and then headed to the car park where my brother Lee would be waiting to pick us up.

He saw my face and instantly knew I didn’t want to talk about it. He half smiled and handed us each a bottle of water. The car ride home was quiet.

I opened the door to my house to find it empty, as usual. Besides lee my mum lived here too. But she was a nurse and worked a lot. Ali walked ahead to my room to drop her stuff, before I could follow; lee grabbed my arm and pulled me in for a bear hug. Ali looked over her shoulder and quickly went upstairs to give us some privacy.

“What happened?”

“Do you even have to ask ?”

“I knew it. I haven’t seen you cry this hard since he broke up with you”

I looked down and tried my hardest to forget what had happened tonight. No tears came, I was sick of crying over him. So I looked up at lee and gave him the signal that I was okay, and tore away from his bear hug.

As I walked into my room Ali came right up to me and hugged me tightly. She rubbed my back and assured me that he was a proper bastard. I kept nodding and she finally let me go to take a shower.

After the shower I dressed in a big pink t-shirt and a pair of black boxers. I lay in bed and assured myself that I was better off without him. But the only thing I wanted now was a mother’s touch. I wanted a hug from my mum, and I wanted to talk to her. Because unlike other mums, she understood me and I could tell her anything.