The stages of falling

I took the hospital gown off and slipped on the pajamas my mum packed for me. They had skulls all over them I rolled my eyes, but I didn’t have any other choice, and slipped on my beat up converse and a ramones shirt. I turned to oli, he was just smiling and staring at me. I took a hair tie out of my bag and tied my hair back messily. His eyes widened and he smiled even more.

‘You look really nice with your hair like that’

I smiled ‘That’s what your sister said’ I stopped and realize I wasn’t supposed to say that yet.

‘What do you mean?’ his eyes looked confused but worried at the same time.

That’s it Nic, its time to confront him I told myself. ‘The other day, when I saw her at the drug store’ I looked down.

‘But shes in hospital-‘

‘Stop it oli. Okay? I’m not a little girl you have to lie to and hide things from. I know’ my voice turned to ice and my throat tightened.

‘You don’t know the half of it’ he tried to explain.

‘I thought we went through pretty bad stuff, but this has just iced the fucking cake’ I said as I took my things and stuffed them into my bag.

‘Stop overreacting nic. We can work this out’

‘Overreacting?!’ I rarely gave rein to my temper, and oli looked shocked at my reaction.

‘I wanted to tell you I hadn’t broken up with her yet-‘ he said running his hands though his hair.

‘Wait. What? So when you told me you broke up with her you were lying?’ my hands were in the air.

‘I thought you knew’ his voice tailed off.

‘No oli, you forgot to tell me that, along with other things’ i just shook my head.

‘Nic. We have to think about her too. I mean, the father of her child has a girlfriend already’
I stood there shocked I took a deep breath. There was silence and I gave up arguing with him. I slung my oversized bag over my shoulder. On my way out I stopped right in front of him toe to toe and looked him in the eye. His green eyes were tight and mad.

‘Had a girlfriend’ I whipped past him and left him standing there breathless.

I passed by Oliver and Ali chatting in the hallway they took one look at me and suddenly stopped their conversation. They followed close behind me, Oliver still holding the cake. We got to Olivers car I got in the back seat and pulled my legs up to my chin, hugging them tightly. I rocked lightly and after a while buried my head in my knees. Ali got in the back seat with me while Oliver drove off.

We were driving, the road under us fast and the music coming through the speakers quiet.
Oliver broke the silence ‘if olis a bitchface and you know it clap your hands…’

We sat there for a few seconds in silence, Ali finally gave through and scoffed, my lips turned up slightly and I laughed lightly.

‘Thanks you guys’ I said to the both of them, they smiled and Ali hugged me tightly. Oliver handed the cake back and I opened it, I thought about eating it but I lost my appetite. The flowers oli gave me lay there next to Ali. I took them in my hands.

‘You know what?’ I said taking a handful of the flowers, crushing them ‘I hope olis baby looks like Zac efron with a perm and a vagina’ I laughed, Oliver howled with laughter and Ali laughed along. I opened the window and threw the flowers out one my one, they both laughed even harder as I did this.

The last thing I was to throw out was the card attached to the flowers. I opened it and saw the message.

" I'm sorry "

That’s all it said, and I suddenly started to feel a hint of regret. But that thought quickly left me when I thought of how much he kept from me.

The night consisted of Ali and Oliver constantly asking me if I was okay, I would nod, give a little smile then look down at my feet every time. Movie after movie, and video game after video game and my eyes were dripping with sleep. I needed to rest, with all the strength I had; I smiled and convinced them I was fine.

“I’m fine you wankers” I joked.

“I don’t believe you bitch, but If you need anything just call. Okay?” Ali looked at me and took my hand, I was forced to nod and usher her out the door.

“I don’t believe you either, but I know you wanna be alone” Oliver took me in a tight embrace, being in his arms made me feel safe and comfortable, I didn’t want to let go, but he took his hands from around my waist and let them drop to his side.

“Actually, can you stay the night?” I asked rubbing my arm.

“I knew you were gonna ask” he laughed; he slipped his shoes off and lay on the couch. I smiled and pulled up a mattress placing it next to the couch.

I put on a Disney classic to maybe give myself some hope that everything was gonna be okay. I was just wishing that oli would come through the door dressed as Prince charming, but these hopes just got me more depressed. I just shook the thoughts from my mind and lay down on the mattress with Oliver softly breathing next to me.

The night quickly passed and I woke shivering, it was still dark and I reached up to feel olivers soft head of hair, it was absent. I furrowed my brows. I took a blanket nearby and wrapped it around my body containing my shivers. I walked around the house to find it fully empty. I was disappointed to find it so, so I just went back downstairs and sat on the couch.

The thoughts in my head were flying and they were crashing into each other conflicting and arguing with each other.

I had enough of it, and decided to go for a drive, it was 3am in the morning, but I needed to clear my head. I threw on a jacket, my beanie and a pair of converse. Once in my car I rolled all the windows down and played some Cancer bats. It was loud but not as loud as the party I passed, the house was a mess, and bodies were lying all over the front lawn. A voluptuous girl with huge boobs and blonde hair was dancing around the front yard with a guy around her waist.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me” I mumbled to myself.

SJ was standing there with an empty bottle of vodka in her hand, with some random guy hanging off her. I was so enraged I didn’t even notice the fact that I slammed by brakes. My car creaked and smoke burst out the exhaust.

I shut it off and walked hastily towards SJ.

“Nice car brah” some guy commented.

“I’m sorry can you be a shitface over there mate? “ I pointed in another direction and he raised his hands in defence.

“So you’re killing the baby with this?” I yelled at SJ taking the bottle out of her hands.

“Whoa, you’re pregnant?” the guy took his hand from her waist and walked back to the house shaking his head.

“OI cool it Grandma, I’m not pregnant okay? Who the fuck are you anyway?” she slurred and looked at me.

“That doesn’t matter. Tell me, are you pregnant or not?”

“Look I had to lie to this guy because he was gonna leave me for some bitch who he loved or something”

it was silent as i contained my anger.

“Say hello to that bitch” I pointed to myself.

She was quiet, but mostly because the alcohol over took her body, she fell into my arms and I dropped the bottle to catch her.

“I was wrong. This ices the fucking cake” I said to myself.

As we were walking out some guys made kissing faces at us and nudged their friends.

“Yeah im gonna screw her, you can watch if you want” I said sarcastically. I pretty much threw her into my backseat and drove to olis house.

I knocked on the front door, afraid that I would possibly wake his parents, but I didn’t really think much tonight.

He answered the door, and looked shocked when he saw me.