The stages of falling

My eyes shot open to the sound of a door opening. I headed downstairs to my mum. She collapsed on the couch, I knew she was tired. I sat next to her.

“Mum?” my voice was shaky and the tears were ready to fall.

She pulled me in for a hug and stroked my back. She smelled bad, like alcohol, sex and sweat. I pulled back and looked closely at who exactly I thought was my mother.

I ran to her room and peeked into the door, to see her happily tucked in and peacefully sleeping.

And that’s when it occurred to me. Not just anyone smelled like that. That smell of an after-gig quickly with a few beers thrown in. I ran back to my lounge room flicked on the lights and gasped slapping my hand to my mouth.

He just sat there smiling.

“What the fuck are you doing in my house?!” I lowered my voice for olis sake.
“I’m here to finish what we started in tonight” he slurred occasionally, but he wasn’t drunk enough to not know where he was.

“If you value your fucked up, alcohol soaked life then you’ll leave” why was I protecting him?

“Nic, I miss you” he said coming closer towards me. He backed me up against the wall and put his hands on the wall on either side of my head. Then he leaned in and kissed me right where he knew he could have me. My knees went weak.

“C’mon, it’s me nic” he breathed softly into my ear.

“That’s the worst reason you could give me” i breathed back.

I gave myself the strength-and let me tell you, It wasn’t easy- to pull away. I ducked under one of his arms and when he faced me I clenched my fist and swung it right at his jaw.
He fell to the floor holding the side of his face.

“Get out” I spit through my teeth.

He stood up and edged closer to the door. A look of pure pain I had never seen in his eyes made me stop. But I knew he was just acting. I hoped.

Then he left my house. Finally. I leaned against the wall he pushed me up against and slowly slid down until I was sitting. I saw a shadow move towards me. My head snapped towards that direction to lee.

"who was it?" Lee asked yawning and peering down the stairs.

“No one” was all my small voice could manage.

“Go back to bed” he suggested.

"mhm" i nodded, getting up.

I went straight to my room to sleep. I stumbled over ali’s body.

“Fuck” she groaned

“Sorry” I whispered. She closed her eyes tightly and slowly fell back to sleep.

I wish I could sleep that soundly, but oli didn’t escape my mind. I dreamt of him that night, and about how people always thought I was crying for what he did to me. But I was really crying because I didn’t have him anymore. But I was rudely awakened by the sunlight that lit the whole room. I checked the clock and saw it was 8:30. I sighed and gave up on trying to sleep again.

When the clock struck about 10 Lee and ali came down the stairs and greeted me good morning. I put on my best fake smile and greeted them back.

“Did mum leave already?”

“Yeah. Sorry. But she’ll be home earlier today”

“Okay”

Lee searched the cupboards for some food, but unluckily found nothing, it was Friday, and mum hadn’t gone shopping yet. So we decided to go out and get some coffee at the new coffee shop down the road.

I dressed in black shinnies, all black rabens, a drop dead singlet and a plaid shirt over it.
When we arrived at the coffee shop we ordered and sat waiting for our order.

“Small black coffee?” he said with his white teeth gleaming on to me.

“Thanks” I smiled. He was cute, with his short caramel hair a little tousled like he woke up only moments ago and his deep brown eyes looking straight down on me.

He kept coming over to our table and asking if the coffee was okay. And when he gave us the receipt, I found his number on the back. When I walked out, I looked over my shoulder, and he was just standing there looking at me. Then he smiled and looked away.

Maybe this is what I need to fully move on from oli. I was gonna call him, but I gave it a few days before I did.