The stages of falling

The next morning wasn’t a pleasant feeling, especially since I had to work. My hung over head throbbed with pain and my eyes were bloodshot, while my breath stained with alcohol. Looking at myself in the mirror wasn’t really pleasant either.

Lee dropped me off at the spot I parked my car yesterday. And i drove to work from there. When I arrived at the record store I worked at, I sat slumped behind the counter tightly gripping my coffee and sipping it occasionally.

“Ha, that’s what you get for partying” Eric walked in and sat on the counter looking down at me. He was gay, and flamboyantly so.

“Shut up” I mumbled and then pulled my purple beanie over my eyes to sleep before the store opened.

He rolled his eyes and started to set up without me, I did that for him when he came in hung over. When the first customers came in, I smiled and helped them with finding the CD’s they were looking for.

And after a long day of being happy when I wasn’t, I drove home to an empty house and lay in bed to slowly and peacefully drift to sleep.

“Nico” someone whispered. It was my mum, the only person who called me that.
I rolled over to see her sympathy stained face. She came over to me with a cup of tea in hand and sat on the foot of my bed taking my shoes off.

“I heard about everything”

Then I quickly sat up and hugged her before she could see the tears streaming down my face. She hugged me rubbing circles into my back to stop me from crying.

“Is there anything else you want to tell me?” she knew me well.

“I think, I- I s-still wanna be with him” my voice stuttered from the crying.

“What makes you think that?”

“His face, when I hit him and he looked at me, I have never seem in in that much pain. And at the party, when his girlfriend took him off he had that same look, it’s like he was sad to be with someone else but me”

“Party?”

I looked down and hid my face.

“Well, you are 18. I just hope you don’t overdo the alcohol”

“I don’t mum, trust me”

“That I can” she hugged me one more time and let me get back to sleep.

When I woke that next morning I got ready for work just like I did yesterday. I put on my black skinnies, a plain black singlet, a plaid hoodie and my favorite purple beanie. I drove to work and got a coffee. But this time it was because I was tired from crying, not from drinking.

“Miss Nicole stokes” Eric said.

“I’m not hung over today” I said proudly.

“Yes but you’ve been crying” he mentioned

“Is it that obvious?” I slumped in my seat.

“Is this Oli boy causing this, because I swear-“

“no mum” I laughed.

And then another days work consumed me, putting cd’s in alphabetical order, helping people find their cd’s, scanning the barcode at the counter, blah, blah, blah.
“Mancandy” Eric’s voice was slightly excited.

“Don’t talk to me about boys”

“awww, but nic, he’s gorgeous”

“No thanks sweetie” I hugged him and headed out the door as my shift came to an end. I heard Eric’s voice sweet talking.

Eat dinner. Shower. Set alarm. Sleep. What an exciting life I lead.

Sleeping was my time to put off everything for the next day. Just a temporary death. But then I woke up.

I sighed and hoped the person behind the door had SWAT gear on, because whoever interrupted my sleep was in for some violent punches.

I opened the door and he walked in casually tripping over my all the clothes I left on the floor.
“jeezz nic, don’t you clean?”

“How do you even get in here?!” the second time I found this bastard in my house.

“Don’t think I don’t remember where you put the spare keys” he smiled. Once again, his voice was leveled.

“Get out, you know what lee will think if he sees you coming out of my room at 3am”
“I don’t care”

At this point, all I wanted was his touch; I wanted him to softly stroke my back like he used to do. He just stood there, and tried to read my face.

“Oli, I don’t want you here”

“Nic, please let me explain”

“Explain what? The cheating, the million one-night-stands you had while you where dating me, do you just expect me to forgive you because I love you...”

“What?” he asked

“What?” I asked back

“You said you love me”