Status: not active. soz.
When You're Strange
The Pub.
We arrived at the pub, which by the way was fucking packed. You couldn't even move without having to accidentally touch someone's ass. After an hour of waiting for a free table, a gang of bikers finally left and left us with the table. We ordered some drinks and decided to play some drinking games.
"Okay who's heard of the game 'I've Never'?" Patrick asked.
"You've never what?"
"No dumb ass it's a game, have any of you heard of it?"
"What the fuck kinda game is that?"
"It's where like you say something that you've never done, like 'I've never had sex in my parents bed' and then if any of you have done it, then you drink," he explained.
"Oh I have, until I realized my parents did it the night before and we found the used condom under the pillow," Jimmy said.
"Okay so, you guys understand the rules, right? So let's play, I'll start, I've never masturbated while listening to Michael Jackson," Patrick said.
We all looked around the table, when Charlie quietly took a small sip from his beer.
"Whoa, Charlie I never knew you liked good ol' MJ," Frank mentioned.
"Oh no, I don't I was just thirsty," he muttered.
"Yea right, okay how 'bout I've never shit myself while having sex."
"Dude what the fuck, I don't think any of us have man. That's just sick shit right there, all though I did fart once," Jimmy admitted.
"How do you know man? You don't know people's lives, and yea I have taken a shit while butt fucking someone but it wasn't that bad, it would've been worse if she took a shit don't you think?" Frank wondered.
"Don't you think it's disgusting talking about shit when I'm eating a burrito with beans, this is making me sick dude."
"Man fuck this game, let's just drink and get fucked up. Fuck I need to get laid," Jimmy sighed.
"Hey Franky baby," a middle-aged woman said.
She hugged Frank from behind tickling his ear lobe with her tongue. She looked like she was in here 40's and her outfit didn't match her at all. She was wearing a small tight tank top, and you could easily tell she wasn't wearing a bra, and her short skirt which was showing off her bad cellulite on her thighs. I'm also guessing this was his girlfriend.
"What the hell did I say about using you're tongue like that in public? There's men out here, they'll probably want some, and you do know I am the only man you'll ever blow right?"
"Yes hunny bunny, I know that, so don't be getting mad okay?"
"Yea, yea whatever. Hey speaking of blowjobs, how 'bout one in the restroom?"
"Race you there," she whispered in his ear.
And off they went. The rest of us were left at the table, bored out of our fucking minds not knowing what to do.
"Isn't it weird that our short and ugly 43 year-old friend is getting laid, and we aren't?" Jimmy wondered.
"Where did you guys even meet him anyways?" I asked.
"We all used to work at this video store about 3 years ago, and he used to be the manager until he got fired for letting us steal porn, and that's how we all got fired."
"Oh."
"Yea and he's also my step-dad," Patrick mentioned.
"Really?"
"Well not technically, he had a one-night stand with my mom and that's how we met. I got along with him so much I started referring him as my step-dad."
10 min. have passed and still no Frank. It was time to leave cause we were so bored, when I noticed chaos coming from the men's restroom. A huge crowd of people gathered around the restroom area, where I heard screaming coming from a man. We all stood up and went to check out what all the fuss was about.
"Dude, it's probably just a guy getting raped, it's an everyday thing here," Patrick said.
"Holy shit, is that Frank?"
It was Frank alright. He was bare ass naked on the floor screaming while holding his dick. I'm pretty sure this is an everyday situation too. Patrick and Charlie ran to help him, they asked him if he was okay and Charlie insisted on massaging his dick.
"What happened to you?" they asked.
"That bitch bit my dick! What else does it look like to you?!"
"What? Why? I thought you guys were having a bitching time?" Patrick asked.
"Since when do you say bitching?"
"Oh I saw it on this show once, and I liked it. Doesn't it make me sound hardcore?"
"Oh get off me you fat fuck, help me up!" Frank shouted. "What are you all looking at huh?"
The music started again and everybody went off to their business. Charlie and Patrick helped Frank to our table. He pulled his pants up and started drinking his beer like nothing ever happened.
"What happened man?" Jimmy asked.
Frank sighed heavily and sadly stared at his beer.
"I told her I wanted to break up while she was still blowing me."
"Whoa, whoa that is not okay man. There's one thing you should never do while a chick is blowing you, and that is dumping her."
"But I thought you guys were gonna get married and all that shit?" Patrick asked.
"That's why, she wants to get married, I don't. Fuck that, for what? I'm 43 years-old and she's a 47 year-old stripper, it's not gonna work out," he muttered.
"I know and can you imagine how they're children will look like? Ugh."
"You know what, I think you deserve some credit for having the balls to break up with her. So how 'bout some chronic, eh?" Jimmy asked.
Frank just sighed again and took a small sip from his beer. "I'm not really in the mood," he mumbled.
They all sighed.
"Dude I think this fucked him up, he's never rejected my chronic before man, never," Jimmy whispered in my ear.
"Maybe he's just depressed," I said.
"Yea, maybe. We should take him to the Nude bar, that's like his playground."
"Nah, I think it's time to go home, don't you think?"
"Yea let's get the fuck out of here."
After one more round of beers, we headed out to the door and left. While walking home, we had to walk through an alley, and just as things couldn't get any worse a man pointed a gun at us and asked us for our money. Great, just great.
"Okay who's heard of the game 'I've Never'?" Patrick asked.
"You've never what?"
"No dumb ass it's a game, have any of you heard of it?"
"What the fuck kinda game is that?"
"It's where like you say something that you've never done, like 'I've never had sex in my parents bed' and then if any of you have done it, then you drink," he explained.
"Oh I have, until I realized my parents did it the night before and we found the used condom under the pillow," Jimmy said.
"Okay so, you guys understand the rules, right? So let's play, I'll start, I've never masturbated while listening to Michael Jackson," Patrick said.
We all looked around the table, when Charlie quietly took a small sip from his beer.
"Whoa, Charlie I never knew you liked good ol' MJ," Frank mentioned.
"Oh no, I don't I was just thirsty," he muttered.
"Yea right, okay how 'bout I've never shit myself while having sex."
"Dude what the fuck, I don't think any of us have man. That's just sick shit right there, all though I did fart once," Jimmy admitted.
"How do you know man? You don't know people's lives, and yea I have taken a shit while butt fucking someone but it wasn't that bad, it would've been worse if she took a shit don't you think?" Frank wondered.
"Don't you think it's disgusting talking about shit when I'm eating a burrito with beans, this is making me sick dude."
"Man fuck this game, let's just drink and get fucked up. Fuck I need to get laid," Jimmy sighed.
"Hey Franky baby," a middle-aged woman said.
She hugged Frank from behind tickling his ear lobe with her tongue. She looked like she was in here 40's and her outfit didn't match her at all. She was wearing a small tight tank top, and you could easily tell she wasn't wearing a bra, and her short skirt which was showing off her bad cellulite on her thighs. I'm also guessing this was his girlfriend.
"What the hell did I say about using you're tongue like that in public? There's men out here, they'll probably want some, and you do know I am the only man you'll ever blow right?"
"Yes hunny bunny, I know that, so don't be getting mad okay?"
"Yea, yea whatever. Hey speaking of blowjobs, how 'bout one in the restroom?"
"Race you there," she whispered in his ear.
And off they went. The rest of us were left at the table, bored out of our fucking minds not knowing what to do.
"Isn't it weird that our short and ugly 43 year-old friend is getting laid, and we aren't?" Jimmy wondered.
"Where did you guys even meet him anyways?" I asked.
"We all used to work at this video store about 3 years ago, and he used to be the manager until he got fired for letting us steal porn, and that's how we all got fired."
"Oh."
"Yea and he's also my step-dad," Patrick mentioned.
"Really?"
"Well not technically, he had a one-night stand with my mom and that's how we met. I got along with him so much I started referring him as my step-dad."
10 min. have passed and still no Frank. It was time to leave cause we were so bored, when I noticed chaos coming from the men's restroom. A huge crowd of people gathered around the restroom area, where I heard screaming coming from a man. We all stood up and went to check out what all the fuss was about.
"Dude, it's probably just a guy getting raped, it's an everyday thing here," Patrick said.
"Holy shit, is that Frank?"
It was Frank alright. He was bare ass naked on the floor screaming while holding his dick. I'm pretty sure this is an everyday situation too. Patrick and Charlie ran to help him, they asked him if he was okay and Charlie insisted on massaging his dick.
"What happened to you?" they asked.
"That bitch bit my dick! What else does it look like to you?!"
"What? Why? I thought you guys were having a bitching time?" Patrick asked.
"Since when do you say bitching?"
"Oh I saw it on this show once, and I liked it. Doesn't it make me sound hardcore?"
"Oh get off me you fat fuck, help me up!" Frank shouted. "What are you all looking at huh?"
The music started again and everybody went off to their business. Charlie and Patrick helped Frank to our table. He pulled his pants up and started drinking his beer like nothing ever happened.
"What happened man?" Jimmy asked.
Frank sighed heavily and sadly stared at his beer.
"I told her I wanted to break up while she was still blowing me."
"Whoa, whoa that is not okay man. There's one thing you should never do while a chick is blowing you, and that is dumping her."
"But I thought you guys were gonna get married and all that shit?" Patrick asked.
"That's why, she wants to get married, I don't. Fuck that, for what? I'm 43 years-old and she's a 47 year-old stripper, it's not gonna work out," he muttered.
"I know and can you imagine how they're children will look like? Ugh."
"You know what, I think you deserve some credit for having the balls to break up with her. So how 'bout some chronic, eh?" Jimmy asked.
Frank just sighed again and took a small sip from his beer. "I'm not really in the mood," he mumbled.
They all sighed.
"Dude I think this fucked him up, he's never rejected my chronic before man, never," Jimmy whispered in my ear.
"Maybe he's just depressed," I said.
"Yea, maybe. We should take him to the Nude bar, that's like his playground."
"Nah, I think it's time to go home, don't you think?"
"Yea let's get the fuck out of here."
After one more round of beers, we headed out to the door and left. While walking home, we had to walk through an alley, and just as things couldn't get any worse a man pointed a gun at us and asked us for our money. Great, just great.