Sucks to be You.

Craig and I were kissing in his Trans Am. I could feel how into he was, how into me he was. His tongue was everywhere in my mouth, trying to work its way down my throat. I haven't kissed many boys (Craig is actually only my second real kiss), but I already have a preference when it comes to kissing: sweet, romantic, and sensual. Sensuality, I feel, is a big thing for me. And Craig... well, he's just not quite there. He thinks 'sensuality' just means blatant 'sexuality'.

Or maybe he doesn't know what the word 'sensuality' means. Hm.

His hands were all over my back. At least that felt good. But then they started trying to sneak up the front of my shirt not so sneakily. I stopped kissing Craig and uncomfortably pushed his hands back out from my shirt.

"What's the matter?" he asked me, short of breath. What breath he did have smelled like garlic from the pizza we'd eaten on our date earlier.

I sighed. I feel like I've explained this to Craig a million times, even though we've only been dating for a month.

"I'm just not comfortable doing... that. I told you, I want to wait," I said.

Craig stared at me for a moment longer and then looked out the windshield. He ran his hand quickly, frustrated, through his wavy blond hair. "Wait for... what exactly?" he asked, looking at me from out of the corner of his eyes.

I tucked my own blond hair behind my hair and then smoothed my skirt. "Marriage," I said determinedly.

Craig slowly blinked. "...why?? Like, why would you want to do that?" he wanted to know, his tone slightly condescending.

"Because-" I started to say.

"Louisa, baby, I love you," Craig suddenly interrupted me, turning in his driver's seat to face me straight on. He stared me down with his shiny emerald green eyes.

"You, you do?" I asked, blinking. I mean, he's never said that before. And we've only been dating for a month.

"Yeah. I do," he said huskily, putting this smoldering look on his face that's actually quite effective.

I blinked at him and then smiled. I didn't quite love him yet. I mean, sure I care about him a lot. He's nice and handsome and charming. I just... it's only been one month. So I didn't say 'I love you' back because that wouldn't be honest and I try not to play games like that.

"So," Craig went on and shifted a little closer to me. Which wasn't easy since the Trans Am has bucket seats. "Let's just... go crazy. Be young and free, you know?" he coaxed and reached out to tuck a lock of my hair behind my other ear. He leaned forward and started kissing my now exposed neck.

"Craig..." I chastised, smiling, and shrugged my shoulder to get him off.

"What??" he snapped a little.

I pressed my lips together for a moment: he really hates it when I use that tone on him. But maybe I wouldn't chastise him if he... just... didn't do things that prompted chastising!

"Please respect my boundaries," I said, holding up my hand between us, to physically show the boundary.

Craig rolled his eyes and leaned away from me, flopping back against his seat. "Ugh-" he groaned.

I frowned a little, unhappy with his disrespectful attitude. "Look, Craig, remaining abstinent is really important to me. Society expects us to give in to our irresponsible urges and behave recklessly. Why do you think there's a youth clinic on every corner downtown?" I preached (yes, I know that I preach) and gestured out the window.

Craig slid his eyes over to look at me. "... so that the fun kids have a place to get free condoms," he talked back.

I gave him a look, tilting my head. "Just because I'm celibate doesn't mean I'm not fun," I told him. "Don't belittle my beliefs. This is important to me," I emphasized.

"It's important to your parents, Louisa," Craig said.

"Them too," I agreed. "What's wrong with sharing the same beliefs as your parents?" I asked rhetorically.

"If your parents jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?" he asked me.

I gave him another look. His bratty comments weren't clever and just annoyingly immature. I decided to say so.

"You're being really immature right now," I informed him.

"I'm immature?" he demanded, offended.

"No I send you were being immature at this particular mo-"

"You're immature!" Craig went on.

I raised my eyebrows at his yelling. Craig rolled his eyes, taking back his shout. He sat up in his chair again and turned to face me more. He looked at me, putting the smolder on a little.

"Louisa," he began. "Adults don't make out. They make love," He said.

I looked back into his eyes, feeling my heart pound a little harder. "Craig," I began. "... on the pamphlet of clichéd lines to look out for when a boy is pressuring you, the one you just said is number seven," I finished. I was only partially mocking him... that really is one of the lines that the abstinence program tells you to watch out for.

"Ugggghhh," he groaned again, leaning back in his seat and flinging his head back against his head rest.

I looked at him for a moment, wondering if he'd turn to me again or not. When a few moments passed and he did nothing but stare blankly at the roof his car, I turned in my seat quietly to face forward too. It would seem we were at the silly impasse my virginity likes to provoke out of the boys I date.

"Louisa ,you don't understand," Craig suddenly said.

I looked at him, but he was looking out the windshield.

"You're so hott- beautiful," he corrected himself. "And I just... lose my mind when I'm around you," he explained.

I smiled a little, feeling flattered despite myself.

"And... it would be ton of fun," Craig went on, turning his head to look at me.

I was still smiling from his flattery.

"You would really enjoy it. Trust me," he said eagerly, misreading my smiling, and leaned forward in his seat toward me, grinning.

My look turned suspicious.

"How would you know?" I caught.

Craig paused and then blinked a couple times, trying to keep his composure but failing a little. He suddenly shrugged one shoulder, playing it off cool, and ran his hand through his hair. "... come on, Louisa. I'm a guy. I've... done stuff," he admitted.

I frowned and my mouth fell open a little. "You told me you were a virgin!" I accused him of lying.

"No I didn't!" he denied, frowning as well.

I cleared my expression and lifted one of my palms in the air. "You joined the LOVE club," I reminded him, calling him out on his phoniness. L.O.V.E. stands for 'Life Of Virtue for Eternity' and it's the abstinence club that I'm proud to say I started at our high school.

"Yeah because you were in it!" Craig replied automatically.

"You tricked me," I realized, narrowing my eyes.

"No I didn't," Craig denied, now truly offended. "... don't be so melodramatic, Louisa," he sighed tiredly at me.

"I am not being melodramatic!" I exclaimed... pretty dramatically I'll admit. But I felt I had a right to be dramatic! "You lied to me! You let me think you were a virgin to get me to be your girlfriend," I accused.

"It's not like that!" Craig defended. "I just, I figured you wouldn't sleep with a guy who wasn't a virgin too! Oop-" he clamped his mouth shut and became a statue.

But it was too late. The truth was out.

"... I can't believe you," I whispered, narrowing my eyes. I turned in my seat to open the passenger door.

Craig came alive again. "Wait. Louisa. It's not that bad... I just wanted you to like me," he said.

I opened the passenger door and started to climb out. "I'm sure," I said sarcastically, trying to fight down the tears that were springing up. "And I bet you just told me you loved me because you figured I wouldn't sleep with a guy who just kinda sorta liked me," I went on, standing up and spinning around.

"No... Louisa... come on," he pleaded.

"In case it wasn't obvious, we're through," I informed him through my teeth, keeping my eyes from blinking and pushing out tears.

Craig sat up straighter in his seat, stung by my rejection. "Well, well, fine!" he snapped back after some flustering. "I hope you enjoy your ivory tower all alone!" he barked.

I slammed the passenger door and hurried up to my house, a tear leaking down my cheek. I didn't want him to see me crying. It would just let him know that what he'd said had really gotten to me and hurt my feelings. And that was the last thing I wanted right now.

Craig turned on the Trans Am and hastily backed out of my driveway and then sped off down the street.

I ran into my house, closing the front door clumsily behind me, and then raced up the stairs.

"Louisa honey?" My mother, Gwen, called from her and my dad, Patrick's, bedroom.

"I had a really long Pedigrees practice today. I gotta jump in the shower," I called back quickly, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

I hurried into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Once the water was running noisily, I sat down on the close-lidded toilet seat and let myself cry.

See, what Craig had said, that ivory tower comment, had been an uncharacteristically clever and analytical comment. Not to mention hurtfully accurate. To be honest, I don't care all that much about Craig or his shallow, superficial opinions. I knew our relationship wouldn't last forever, but I had thought that the break up would have been much more amicable. I can usually make and keep friends pretty easily.

But the thing is... I am all alone in my ivory tower. I mean, I have plenty of friends; good and true friends, even, who I love. And I love my parents too and we get along uncommonly well.

When I say I'm all alone, I mean in the way that really matters. Really connecting with another person, falling in love... and then, one day, making love, I guess. The problem is, no one can get to me up in my ivory tower. And it's very lonely up there. Very, very lonely.