You Are Pathetic.
The Question Of 'If'
It had been a solid twenty minutes since Blake left you curled up, mangled on the cubicle floor. No one tried to pick you up or even came near you. Whether from shock or utter disgust, you didn't know. Something surely would have been spread around the school by now but that didn't matter. Believing you have no tears left to cry, you try to crawl up the wall, desperate to get out of here. All your muscles and bones begin to protest your every little movement, even breathing has become a painful objective and it was a necessity. This was going to be a long rest of the day. Having no concept of the actual time of day, you were due to get out of here; you couldn't run the risk of being found again. What would everybody say? But did that even matter anymore? Placing one hand on top of the toilet roll holder and wrapping your fragile fingers around the cubicle door lock, you attempt to haul yourself up to a standing position. Your feet scramble to find their grip on reality whilst your trembling arms try to hold up your dead weight of a body, but after a matter of a few long seconds gravity manages to find you first. First your hands, then your shoulders, your torso and lastly your legs, they all manage to find what your feet failed at finding; the floor.
Growling at the air in frustration, you raise your enraged eyes, getting tired of calming yourself down, usually for everybody else's sake. All you had to was stand up. You had been standing up ever since you could remember, how hard should it be? Raising yourself onto your elbows and knees, the piercing light of sunset greets your batted, bruised face. It was getting late. Panicking, your hand instantly dives into your half opened school dress pocket searching for your phone. It couldn't be that late, could it?
The contents of your pocket spill all over the floor whilst your clumsy hand struggles to identify your phone. It wasn't like you had slid it open a million times before or anything. Another coin falls out of your pocket when your fingers finally embrace the top of your phone. Pulling the phone quickly out of your pocket, your fingers tingle and a vibration flows throw them down to your hand making you drop your phone out of surprise. What should have been a reasonably quiet musical tune echoed loudly through your eardrums and the entirety of the boy's toilets. Cringing, a shiver speeds like lightening down your spine, like a cat running over your grave.
Sliding your arm along the floor, your phone slides to in front of your nose. Picking it up, turning the screen to face you, automatically you slide open your phone. The echo was your message tone, something that used to bring joy to your lips. Now a noise to be feared for what it could bring. What happens if it was Blake? What happens if it were your parents? What would he/they be wanting or asking? Quickly shutting both eyes for suspense, a smile, such a foreign expression, dared to crawl onto your face. This was something you used to do with the home phone all the time when you were around five years of age, it would drive your mother insane. You would always try to pick up the phone first and insist no one ever looked at the caller ID straight away incase it was the boogie monster trying to call; you could thank your uncle for that. You and your uncle were so close, and yet you hadn't talked to him in such a long time. That wasn't a good thing. Although he didn't know it, you worried about him a lot, something was never quite right.
Slowly opening your left eye you peer at your phone screen:
4:52pm 01.10.10 From: Jessikah
Hey hun (: Everything okay? I didn't see you in English this afternoon or on the bus. Txt me! xx
Of course, Jess! Why didn't you think of her? Your best friend always somehow knew when something was up, it was kinda freaky but always comforting. Jess knew you so well, you two were practically sisters. After all you put her through, to this day you still wonder why she has stuck with you. But even so, you loved her and weren't gonna let her go for anything.
Suddenly realization seeps in...4:52pm. You were supposed to be home by now. You're bus, it had left ages ago. Why has nobody texted or called, wondering where you were? Shoving your phone back in your pocket along with your student ID, bus pass and money, you pull yourself together and stand up. Stumbling forward you grab the sink as a much needed support. If your ribs could scream let alone the rest of your body, they could overpower a symphony. But ignoring the many strands of pulsating agony running throughout your body, your mind comes to one instant resolution. It's just a case of mind over matter; your mind is determined to believe you will make it home, the matter of fact is you'll probably collapse not even reaching quarter of the way.
Concentrating on keeping yourself upright, your thoughts singularly revolve around putting one foot on the ground after another. Accompanying your short and unsteady breathing, your head sways backwards and forwards keeping you out of focus. Blinking twice to remove the haze clouding your eyes, all you wished for was one moment of pure bliss where nothing made sense, nothing mattered. Nausea was eating away at your stomach and rising through your throat, the last thing you wanted to do right now, vomit up blood. A hot flush rushes through your every fibre leaving just as quick as it arrived. The contrast of the hot flush to the cool afternoon breeze makes you silently shake.Your face continues to heat up and beads of sweat slowly creep down the sides. Constantly swallowing your rapidly producing saliva and feeling faint you turn around and bend down over the toilet steps. Wow you were making great progress.
Turning your head around to look at the path ahead, not going home was looking like a better and better option. If your parents wanted you they could come find you. Reflecting brightly off a squashed coke can and into the side of your vision, you could see and now tune into at least two sets of police sirens coming from somewhere over the road. You didn't panic at this finding nor did you move; you just stayed emotionless like you practiced so many times before. The only thought crossing your mind was that your bag was staying at school over night. There was no way in hell you would talk to any police officer about this, let alone your best friend Jess. The best thing you could do was make a break for it, you would pay for it later but right now it seemed like the better option.
Peering around the corner of the toilet block you could see that there was only one police car in the front school parking lot. The engine was still running and the siren still flashing red, blue and white lights around the front of your school but no police officer was inside, which meant that he was obviously in a hurry. What could a policeman possibly want with anyone from your hole of a school? But this also meant that there was a really high chance he was not looking for you. Even still, it was better to be safe than sorry.
Checking that the coast was clear again, you get up from the stairs and focus yourself on the path to reasonably safe hiding, for a start; you'd worry about getting home later. Adrenaline was starting to beat around in your veins and loudly whisper at you to move. Your stomach screaming at you to sit down somewhere with a breeze and have a drink. Your heart just wanting this all to be over for good. What were you going to do if you got caught? You didn’t know, maybe it would be for the better.
Biting your lip, you make a dash for it across the oval. The first place you were looking to go was the bushes across the oval roadside, from there you could probably sneak your way walking to a place more permanent for the night. If you got caught well then at least you would have something solid to sleep on until morning.
Growling at the air in frustration, you raise your enraged eyes, getting tired of calming yourself down, usually for everybody else's sake. All you had to was stand up. You had been standing up ever since you could remember, how hard should it be? Raising yourself onto your elbows and knees, the piercing light of sunset greets your batted, bruised face. It was getting late. Panicking, your hand instantly dives into your half opened school dress pocket searching for your phone. It couldn't be that late, could it?
The contents of your pocket spill all over the floor whilst your clumsy hand struggles to identify your phone. It wasn't like you had slid it open a million times before or anything. Another coin falls out of your pocket when your fingers finally embrace the top of your phone. Pulling the phone quickly out of your pocket, your fingers tingle and a vibration flows throw them down to your hand making you drop your phone out of surprise. What should have been a reasonably quiet musical tune echoed loudly through your eardrums and the entirety of the boy's toilets. Cringing, a shiver speeds like lightening down your spine, like a cat running over your grave.
Sliding your arm along the floor, your phone slides to in front of your nose. Picking it up, turning the screen to face you, automatically you slide open your phone. The echo was your message tone, something that used to bring joy to your lips. Now a noise to be feared for what it could bring. What happens if it was Blake? What happens if it were your parents? What would he/they be wanting or asking? Quickly shutting both eyes for suspense, a smile, such a foreign expression, dared to crawl onto your face. This was something you used to do with the home phone all the time when you were around five years of age, it would drive your mother insane. You would always try to pick up the phone first and insist no one ever looked at the caller ID straight away incase it was the boogie monster trying to call; you could thank your uncle for that. You and your uncle were so close, and yet you hadn't talked to him in such a long time. That wasn't a good thing. Although he didn't know it, you worried about him a lot, something was never quite right.
Slowly opening your left eye you peer at your phone screen:
4:52pm 01.10.10 From: Jessikah
Hey hun (: Everything okay? I didn't see you in English this afternoon or on the bus. Txt me! xx
Of course, Jess! Why didn't you think of her? Your best friend always somehow knew when something was up, it was kinda freaky but always comforting. Jess knew you so well, you two were practically sisters. After all you put her through, to this day you still wonder why she has stuck with you. But even so, you loved her and weren't gonna let her go for anything.
Suddenly realization seeps in...4:52pm. You were supposed to be home by now. You're bus, it had left ages ago. Why has nobody texted or called, wondering where you were? Shoving your phone back in your pocket along with your student ID, bus pass and money, you pull yourself together and stand up. Stumbling forward you grab the sink as a much needed support. If your ribs could scream let alone the rest of your body, they could overpower a symphony. But ignoring the many strands of pulsating agony running throughout your body, your mind comes to one instant resolution. It's just a case of mind over matter; your mind is determined to believe you will make it home, the matter of fact is you'll probably collapse not even reaching quarter of the way.
Concentrating on keeping yourself upright, your thoughts singularly revolve around putting one foot on the ground after another. Accompanying your short and unsteady breathing, your head sways backwards and forwards keeping you out of focus. Blinking twice to remove the haze clouding your eyes, all you wished for was one moment of pure bliss where nothing made sense, nothing mattered. Nausea was eating away at your stomach and rising through your throat, the last thing you wanted to do right now, vomit up blood. A hot flush rushes through your every fibre leaving just as quick as it arrived. The contrast of the hot flush to the cool afternoon breeze makes you silently shake.Your face continues to heat up and beads of sweat slowly creep down the sides. Constantly swallowing your rapidly producing saliva and feeling faint you turn around and bend down over the toilet steps. Wow you were making great progress.
Turning your head around to look at the path ahead, not going home was looking like a better and better option. If your parents wanted you they could come find you. Reflecting brightly off a squashed coke can and into the side of your vision, you could see and now tune into at least two sets of police sirens coming from somewhere over the road. You didn't panic at this finding nor did you move; you just stayed emotionless like you practiced so many times before. The only thought crossing your mind was that your bag was staying at school over night. There was no way in hell you would talk to any police officer about this, let alone your best friend Jess. The best thing you could do was make a break for it, you would pay for it later but right now it seemed like the better option.
Peering around the corner of the toilet block you could see that there was only one police car in the front school parking lot. The engine was still running and the siren still flashing red, blue and white lights around the front of your school but no police officer was inside, which meant that he was obviously in a hurry. What could a policeman possibly want with anyone from your hole of a school? But this also meant that there was a really high chance he was not looking for you. Even still, it was better to be safe than sorry.
Checking that the coast was clear again, you get up from the stairs and focus yourself on the path to reasonably safe hiding, for a start; you'd worry about getting home later. Adrenaline was starting to beat around in your veins and loudly whisper at you to move. Your stomach screaming at you to sit down somewhere with a breeze and have a drink. Your heart just wanting this all to be over for good. What were you going to do if you got caught? You didn’t know, maybe it would be for the better.
Biting your lip, you make a dash for it across the oval. The first place you were looking to go was the bushes across the oval roadside, from there you could probably sneak your way walking to a place more permanent for the night. If you got caught well then at least you would have something solid to sleep on until morning.