A Cherry Sunset

“Emily?”

“Yeah, Nanna?” I blinked a few times to put my eyes in focus and turn to look at my grandmother. I was spending the day at the retirement home with her, but it was obvious my thoughts were somewhere else.

“Something bothering you?”

“Course not, Nanna.” I smiled but she raised her eyebrows at me, making me roll mine. “It’s nothing, really.”

“Emily, you’ve never been a good liar. Why don’t you come over here and tell me the truth now?” I smiled wider and stood up from my chair to go and sit on her bed. She pulled me to her and squeezed my waist. “What seems to be weighing on your mind, dear?”

I sighed. “Remember how you were talking about how hard long distance relationships are?”

“Oh, dear, I see.” She held me closer and began stroking my hair. “Did something happen?”

“It’s just been a while since I’ve heard from Oliver. Usually we do pretty good at talking every day, but lately I can’t get him on the phone or the internet or anything. I – I miss him.” I sniffled.

“Oh sweetheart, that’s alright.” I could help but laugh at her words. “It’s much better to laugh in these situations dear. Tears do nothing but make you look worse.” I laughed some more as she hugged me. “Oliver will call, dear. He loves you, just like you love him and that’s what really keeps a relationship together. Distance can’t even touch the love you two have.” I pulled away and looked at her bright smile.

“I’m,” I hesitated, not knowing the exact words to say to my grandmother. “I’m not in love with Oliver, Nanna. And he’s not in love with me.” My grandmother’s eyes turned terribly sad. “Love doesn’t even really exist anyway.” I dropped my eyes to my hands. “Love is just a stupid label Hollywood came up with to make girls swoon.”

My grandmother reached over and squeezed my hands in hers. “Dear Emily,” she paused and I glanced up to see her frowning. “Oh, dear Emily.” She raised one hand and cupped my cheek in it. “I never imagined growing up in that house would do this to you.” She shook her head gently and then sighed. “But I should have expected it.”

“What are you talking about, Nanna?”

“Emily, I know that house was cold and all you ever heard was cruel remarks, but … love is out there dear. I loved your grandfather, and he loved me, and we loved your father very much, just as we loved you always. That boy loves you too. I could see it from those pictures you showed me. And dear,” she squeezed my hands again. “You love him too. It’s there.”

“It’s not there.” I shook my head and she smiled.

“Always so defiant.” She stroked my cheek again. “You need to let go of all that resentment you hold for your parents. It’s not good to keep it in, not this long. You let that go, and you’ll feel the love, sweetheart. It’s undeniable.” She chuckled and patted my hands.

I bit my bottom lip. I didn’t want to argue with her and I could tell she wouldn’t stop till I agreed. My shoulders hunched forward as I sighed. “Okay Nanna, I’ll try to let go.” I shrugged a little and she rolled her eyes.

“You deserve it, Emily.” She chided me as she stood up. “That boy deserves it from you too, Emily.”

My throat swelled as I simply nodded. Oliver did deserve someone to love him.

“Good, let that really sink into that brilliant mind of yours, Emily. You’ll figure it out. Now, why don’t we walk down to the pool and see what the girls are doing.” She smiled and slipped on her sandals.

“Sure, Nanna.” I agreed and hopped up, going for my own sandals. Anything to drop this subject for forever.

I stayed until after dinner and then I said my goodbyes. I drove down to the beach before going to the hotel. I left my sandals and my phone in the car, simply taking just the car keys in my pocket. The sand felt cool beneath my feet.

I picked a spot kind of far away from the waves and plopped down. The sun was going down and everything looked beautiful. It was a bit windy, but only enough to make my hair fly around. I imagined Oliver in California for a little bit. His tattoos and accent alone would make him stand out here. I smiled as I saw him sitting in the sand playfully complaining about the wind messing up his hair. Then my grandmother’s words rolled back into my thoughts.

Love had never been a concept I was crazy about. I’d never seen love, other than the ridiculous stuff on film and in art in general. To me, it didn’t exist. Never had. I never thought it would either.

But then, I had seen it in glimpses, I suppose. Victoria loved her small hometown. Alex loved his music. Jason loved his little sister. December loved Matt, as well as Matt loved her. My grandmother loved my grandfather. Love could exist.

But not for me. I didn’t ‘love’ things, or people. I cared to a certain limit, but not love. There was a particular sense of passion that was attached to love that I had never felt.

I sighed heavily and lay back in the sand, not caring that the sand was getting in my hair and probably under my shirt. I looked up at the sky and immediately smiled. California’s sky was like no other. It was beautiful and stunning. It made you feel something. It made you feel everything. It was perfect, through and through.

My chest heaved. I longed to share this with Oliver. This gorgeous picture that couldn’t be replicated ever, I wanted to share it with him. It was like the words tattooed on my back, safe and sound. The twilight sky had been my escape from the sadness and depression I’d run from at home when I was younger. It meant something to me.

I sat up straight with wide eyes. My pulse raced as did my thoughts. I loved the sky. I loved the feeling it gave me, the same feeling Oliver gave me. Safe and Sound. It was why I was comfortable around him, and open with him, and why I wanted to be with him in the first place.

He made me feel safe, and special. I loved Oliver Sykes.

I gasped and in those short ten seconds that I finally came to terms with everything, I bolted upright. I ran for the car. I sped back to the hotel. I threw everything back into my bag. I quickly left a message for my grandmother and then I left all together.

I didn’t want to wait to tell him and I wanted to tell him in person. He deserved that.

“Hello Miss, how can I help you today?”

“I need a straight shot ticket to Sheffield, England.”

“I’m sorry. We don’t have any straight shot’s to Sheffield. The closest I can get you is … Manchester, England.”

“Fine. Manchester’s fine.”