My Opinion Doesn't Matter

Each tick of the clock was like torture for me. Calculus was my worst class and having it last block was even worse.

"Veronica, please pay attention. Your grade has already slipped enough." The class erupted into giggles as my face went red.

"Sorry Mrs. Jaun." Mrs. Jaun nodded and continued on with the lesson, but my mind just couldn't focus on her. Lily's words filled my head from earlier.

"Why can't you ever find the beauty in things?"

I just couldn't. My mind didn't work like others. I never found beauty in things. Nothing, not even myself. Lily had said things like this before, but this time it almost hurt to hear her say them to me. Was I that oblivious to not hear the actual words and take the meaning to heart? What had I been thinking the first few times to not let those words bother me?

"Veronica." Mrs. Jaun's voice rang through my head breaking me away from my thoughts and I looked up at her. Her face softened for a second before she looked away and started handing out homework.

I was in the last seat for a reason in this class. It was so every time the bell rang I'd be last to get the homework, last to leave and the one to always be talked to.

The announcements finished and the bell rang. Mostly everyone got up from their seats and headed out the door, talking to each other as I stayed in my seat.

"Ronnie." I sighed and shook my head.

"You don't have to tell me. I know I've been drifting off, but this class is boring. I really don't care if my grades are slipping." Mrs. Jaun set my homework on my desk and I snatched it, putting it in my folder.

"I know you don't Ronnie and that's why today I want to ask you something." I rolled my eyes, throwing my books into my arm and standing up.

"What?" I asked, trying to keep my cool.

"I was hoping to get you a tutor." My eyes widened. A tutor for me?

"No." I answered, losing it. I started to walk out when Mrs. Jaun got in front of my and put her hand out.

"You don't have a choice Ronnie. Your parents have already signed you up for one and it starts tomorrow."

"I don't need one, therefore I won't be getting one." I tried once again to get around her, but she stepped in front of me again."

"Ronnie, colleges are out there scouting and you look really good until they see your GPA with this grade in it. A76% will drop it down and a tutor can help with that. Your parents and I are trying to help you get into a good college and I know you're a smart girl. So please just try this." My eyes narrowed and I nodded. Mrs. Jaun's expression lightened and she stepped out of my way. "Thank you." She said as I sped out of the room.

Did my opinion not matter? I had told my parents time and time again that I didn't want to go to college. I didn't care and it was my choice. They never listened and it was getting quite annoying knowing all my parents cared about me was making a ton of money like them.

My brain was just a toy for them. A plan to make great money and keep their business and reputation in the family and high in the upper class. It actually hurt to know they really didn't give a shit about my opinion and what I wanted.

It hurt to know that. My parents were cold at times and towards certain things. Who would've thought they'd be cold towards their own daughter? At that moment I realized something within me. Why I couldn't find the beauty in things.

I had never been taught to love and care. With the coldness and carelessness of my parents I had grown up thinking the world only cared about money and riches. I had stopped seeing the beauty in things when my own parents stopped caring for me.

The people I should be looking up to didn't have a speck of beauty in them and they taught me not to find beauty in others.