The Punchline to the Joke Is Asking

“They sent me back to Indy not long after you left, it was only a couple days, really.” Trey informed me. “Social services came to school and did their annual roundup, and I didn’t get out quick enough. I never got the heads up; I was never as plugged in as you.” He shook his head. “Anyway, next thing I know, they’re calling Mom and putting me on a plane home.”
“Wow.” I breathed.
“I got home and she started crying; said she thought I was gone for good, maybe even dead.” Trey’s voice cracked a little, but I knew better than to acknowledge it. “Jimmy’s doing well, we finished up senior year together.”
“How is he? What’s he like?” I asked desperately. I needed to know.
“He’s a little like the two of us. Your temper, my athletic talent, your brains, our looks.” Trey grinned. “He’s got his own ticks- really good at board games, hates swimming but loves the rain.”
“He sounds perfect.” I sighed, my inner eye creating the boy Trey was vaguely describing. He knew I was trying to construct this unknown entity in my mind, and he took great joy in hindering me.
“He is. He looks exactly like me, except he’s peroxide blonde.” Trey laughed, and my eyes widened.
“Really? Wow, that’s funny.” I grinned. “Then again, you’re twins, so I’m not exactly surprised.”
“Mom’s great, too. She cried when I came home. So did Jimmy. They keep hoping you’ll follow me, someday.” Trey finished quietly.
I ignored everything but the first bit. “What’s she like?” I felt like the Lost Boys, begging Wendy to describe a mother to them. A fantasy, a fairytale, a pretty ending to sink into dreamland with. That was all a mother was to me, a vague memory. Maybe a faint, treacherous hope.
“She taught me to drive and she bakes cookies, and she makes dinner every night, and she always hugs us, even when it’s embarrassing. She still kisses us goodnight like we’re kids and she has rules and curfews and grounds us when we act up.” Trey sighed. “It really is just like in the movies.”
Then he jerked himself out of his reverie and looked at me, concern flooding his blue eyes as he reached for my face. “Hey, don’t cry.” He pulled me close, holding me gently as I sobbed silently into his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent, filtered a bit through his yummy Axe. It was still him, though, through the new clothes and new hair and new smell.
He was still my Trey.

“What’s wrong?” Joe asked, opening his eyes when I gasped a bit louder than I’d wanted to and choked a sob into Trey’s already soaked shirt. He immediately narrowed his eyes menacingly at Trey. “What did you do to her?” He growled, enunciating carefully in his anger.
“I was telling her about home. Don’t act like you weren’t listening.” Trey replied coolly, and I glanced up at him in surprise, then looked at Joe, who was definitely guilty.
“Yeah, well, it was obviously the wrong thing to tell her.” Joe snarled, ripping me out of Trey’s arms and into his lap. I struggled, trying to get back to Trey, but part pf me wanted nothing more than to give in to Joe.
I was confused.
Joe wanted to be my dad, and part of me wanted to let him.
The other part of me didn’t want to wreck his life, and I knew I could do that easily.
Part of me wanted to go home with Trey, go back and cry with him, meet Jimmy and everyone else Trey loved now.
The rest of me screamed to stay here.
There was always that small part of me that wanted to go back to New York.
I’d never lost that suicidal urge, just ignored it.
And then I thought about Ryan.
With my mind torn in so many different directions, already falling apart in front of two of my most cherished friends, I let myself fall back again, back into that calm, dark place where I could hide for a while.
I blacked out again.

-X-

I forced my eyes open, bolting upright on my bed and squinting around wildly. I was in my dark bedroom, completely alone, but I could hear hushed voices coming from the kitchen.
Silently, I slipped out of bed and ghosted into the hall, padding down the short passage to the living room, where I’d be able to overhear what was going on.
“It’s been an hour.” Joe said anxiously, his voice somewhat venomous.
“And I told you, it’s normal. I do the same thing when I freak out.” Trey sighed. “It’s something we learned on the streets; if there’s no way out of something horrible, we just… pass out, and hope we can still wake up when everything’s over.”
There was a tense silence for a moment, before Joe shattered it with a hiss.
“You shouldn’t’ve upset her like that.”
There was a sound like a fist hitting a table, maybe a wall, and Trey growled back, “In all the years I knew her, she was never so sensitive. She was the strongest kid I knew, and she didn’t let anything get to her like that.”
“So, what? She had no feelings?” Joe retorted.
“She’s human, of course she has feelings! She loves us, Jamie and I are her family!”
“We’re her family now, too!”
“Well you’re doing a great job, aren’t you?” Trey shot back.
I had two options- I could be ‘good’ and pretend I’d never eavesdropped on their conversation, or I could be the evil little girl who listened in and swooped in to break up the inevitable fight.
I sighed silently, sending a quick prayer to the empty space between the stars, then strode purposefully into the kitchen. “Both of you, can it or I’ll kick you out.”
I sauntered right past them, not making eye contact as I went to the fridge and grabbed my orange juice. I realized I needed a glass because I had company, and sloshed some OJ into a plastic cup before taking a swig.
“Don’t you tell me to ‘can it’, Cyn.” Joe scowled, acting for all the world like a pissed off parent.
I whirled on him, giving him the same glare that had sent thugs running for cover in their own alleys. “Don’t you talk down to me. I’m not your kid, Joe.”
Joe winced a little, and I felt a twinge of guilt before shoving it out of my mind. I really was going soft.
Then I rounded on Trey. “And you,” I growled. “Have some patience for people who’re ignorant.”
Trey sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Right. Sorry.”
I relaxed a bit, glad he still listened to me, then glanced at Joe, who grudgingly accepted the apology and grunted one of his own.

“Now that we’re all acting civil,” I said pointedly, after we’d all dressed and showered and such. “We can do something fun.”
“Rob a bank?” Trey perked right up, and I cuffed the back of his head, laughing.
“You idiot. I’m dragging you two to hang with the rest of the guys so I won’t have to break it up when you start clobbering each other.”
“That’s ‘fun’?” Joe asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“We’re hanging out with everybody, so yeah, it’s fun.”

“Good morning!” I yelled, bursting through Pete’s front door, Joe and Trey behind me. Guess who was still sulking?
“Cyn!” Brendon yelled, tackling me, Bill and Gabe hot on his heels. Trey grinned and fell on top of them, making me yelp and try to get away.
After we’d picked ourselves up off the floor, we all stumbled inside to have fun, ignoring Pete and Joe, who seemed to not like Trey… at all.
“Ryan, why won’t you play with us?” Brendon whined, sitting next to the hat of names. We’d decided to mix Spin the Bottle and Seven Minutes in Heaven- pick a name and have a kiss, no closet or glass necessary, which was probably best for our little group.
“Because I’m straight, and there’s only one girl playing.” Ryan scowled, barely glancing up from his newest book.
“How are you the only straight guy? Doesn’t the bi-ness kinda… rub off, after a while?” I scrunched up my face, curious, as Bill, Gabe, and Trey started laughing.
“Are you bi, too?” Ryan retorted.
I shrugged. “Maybe. Never tried a girl, honestly.”
“We’ll help you fix that.” Gabe assured me eagerly.
“I think I’m a little creeped out.” I tossed the pen at him, watching it bounce harmlessly off his forehead.
“Ha, now you’ve got red Sharpie on your face.” Trey snickered, pointing, and Brendon caught on immediately.
“Yeah! It looks like a giant zit!”
“Good shot, sweetie.” Bill winked at me as we started giggling and Gabe freaked out, unable to see if there really was a spot on his forehead. He finally got up and sprinted into the bathroom, yelling when he realized we’d faked him out.
When we finally got on with the game, Brendon picked Trey’s name, and the kissing commenced.
Bill picked Brendon, and then it was my turn. The way Brendon and Gabe were smirking at me made me uneasy, and I suddenly worried I’d have to kiss Trey. That would be horrible, a disaster, even worse than me picking Ryan’s name- wait, no, I didn’t know which would be more awkward.
I swallowed, trying not to look nervous as I sifted through the paper. We’d all put our names in twice, and I had yet to be chosen at all.
My fingers seemed to disobey my brain- which was screaming ‘stall for time!’- and closed around a crumpled bit of paper all on their own.
I pulled it out and unfolded it slowly, then almost sighed in relief.
“Hey, Bill, c’mere.” I grinned wickedly at him.
“Ryan, just FYI, I added your name.” Brendon shook the hat at the already glaring Ryan as I made out with Bill, who was a really fantastic kisser.
“Shit!” Ryan dove for the hat and snatched up the piece of paper inside, the only one Brendon hadn’t pulled out before Ryan tackled him.
I pulled away from Bill, both of us watching as Brendon smirked at his band mate. “Who’s name didjya get?” Brendon asked, wickedly triumphant.
Ryan glared darkly at Brendon before unfolding the slip, muttering horrible threats of what would happen if the name wasn’t his own.
Gabe and Trey leaned in and read eagerly over Ryan’s shoulders as his expression went from one of death-to-all to shock, with maybe just a flash of something I didn’t catch in between.
Gabe started laughing as trey nodded to Bill, who suddenly shoved me forward, right into Ryan. I blinked at him, surprised, as I rested my hands on his shoulders, pressed body-to-body with him as I straddled his thighs. His hands automatically dropped to my hips, steadying me, the crumpled paper still in his hand, mostly forgotten.
“You grabbed my name, didn’t you?” I asked, torn between wanting to laugh and freaking out because it was –insert mental breakdown here- Ryan.
“Um, yeah.” Ryan licked his lips nervously, then suddenly pulled his hands off my hips as if I’d burned him; it had taken him that long to register the fact that they were there.
“Still not wanna play?” I teased wickedly, making him blush. There was the shy Ryan I’d met two years ago.
Ryan hesitated, not wanting tohurt my feelings answer.