The Punchline to the Joke Is Asking

When I got home, I put Batman in the sink, sighing when he climbed out and started scrambling around on the counter. “I guess I’ll teach you ‘stay’ later.” I mumbled, then carried him to the bathroom, taking out the mild shampoo I used. I’d needed it when I just came off the streets so my hair and head wouldn’t go screwy from all those medicated dye super-shampoos, and stuck with it because it smelled really good. Like apples, according to the label. Apples are good.
With Batman under my arm and the shampoo in my free hand, we made it back to the kitchen, where I once again dropped the puppy into the steel basin.
“You probably won’t enjoy this, but you’ll feel better, I promise.” I informed him, then started cleaning him up.

20 minutes, a dozen scratches, and ¼ a bottle of shampoo later, Batman was clean and soggy, dripping off in my sink until he suddenly shook, dousing my kitchen and me in the now-clean water.
“Thanks.” I mumbled drily, grabbing the nearby dish towel. I’d forgotten to grab a decent one when I got the shampoo, but oh well; laundry is laundry.
“There ya go sweetie, all clean.” The damp dog glared at me, then huffed, squirming when I lifted him up and kissed the top of his head.

Later, when he was completely dry and we were playing tug-of-war on the carpet with one of my scarves, the front dor suddenly banged open and Joe rushed inside.
“Whoa, where’s the fire?” I asked in alarm, staring at him as Batmanyapped barked in that high, puppy voice of his.
“You’re here.” Joe sighed in relief, offering no explanation as he pulled out his cell phone and texted someone. There was a nearly immediate reply, but Joe ignored it, looking at me.
“Sooooo… whazzaap?” I asked, arching my eyebrows.
“Brendon told Pete that Ryan said some shit that made you take off- wait, when did you get a dog?” Joe grinned, walking over and dropping to the floor in front of Batman, holding out his hand.
My little puppy sniffed his fingers, then sat down, cocking his head to one side. Like me, it seemed he wasn’t sure what to make of Joe anymore.
“Brendon and I found Batman today, and we decided to keep him, but Ryan said he couldn’t so I got to keep him, then Ryan started lecturing us on the dangers of taking something in off the streets.” I scowled. “I don’t have fucking rabies.”
Joe sighed in exasperation. “I have more of an idea of what goes on in Brendon’s head than Ryan’s, honestly. I don’t understand sane people at all.” Shaking his head, he grinned at me. “You named him Batman?”
“Brendon’s idea, but yeah. He’s the best superhero ever.” I nodded enthusiastically.
“What breed is he?” Joe asked, squinting at Batman. “He doesn’t look like Hemingway.”
“Because he’s not a terrier.” I pulled a face at Joe. “If I had to pick a couple breeds he might be, I think… Irish Setter, Golden Retriever, maybe even some sort of Spaniel.” I tipped my head to one side. “Maybe even a little Lab.”
“You like dogs, then?” Joe grinned at me as he pulled Batman onto his lap, scratching his ears.
“Yeah, I’ve always loved them, and I used to-” I cut myself off. ‘Used to’ was something I had to let go of. Then again, I couldn’t be a rockstar forever….
“What?” Joe asked, his grin widening slowly. “Don’t tell me you’ve got even more secrets.”
“I used to wanna be a vet.” I admitted, grinning ruefully. “But that needs eight years of hardcore college, which I can’t really do until I get all the street out of my system.”

-X-

The next day I went out and got a leash, collar, food, and tags for my new companion, who was waiting patiently for me to get home and clean up the mess he’d made. Street dogs usually didn’t come housebroken,it was a wonder I had.
I walked Batman to Pete’s house, trying to teach him to ‘heel’ without much success.

“He’s so cute!” Pete immediately pounced on Batman, cuddling up to him. “And he smells like apples!”
“What?” Gerard asked, getting up from the couch and wandering over. “Oh, he is cute.”
“He smells like apples!” Pete shoved him in Gerard’s face, and the rest of us snickered at Gerard’s shocked expression.
“…He does.” Gerard admitted thoughtfully, nodding. “What’s his name?”
“Batman.” I grinned, taking him back and holding him on my lap as I took Gerard’s seat next to Mikey.

We all chatted for a while, then they guys ran outside to play tag. Even Gerard and Mikey; who usually were usually so dignifiedor at least acted like it.
I stayed on the couch, promising to be out in a second, when the door opened again.
To my surprise, it wasn’t Pete standing there, ready to drag me outside.
It was Brendon and Ryan.
“Hey guys. Everybody’s out back playing tag.” I grinned happily at them, even though Ryan’s comments still stung.
“Cool.” Brendon grinned, though his eyes flickered to Ryan before darting back to me. “You gonna play?”
“In a minute. I need to fix my little hero’s collar- he keeps getting out of it.” I kissed Batman’s head, and he whined like an embarrassed teenager.
“’Kay.” Brendon grinned, turning to go outside, but pausing when Ryan didn’t follow him. “You coming, Ry?”
“In a minute.” Ryan echoed me, and Brendon’s gaze met my own before he slowl went out the door, dragging out another ‘okay’.
Once he was gone, the door firmly shut behind him, I focused on Batman and his new collar, fiddling with the buckle.
“Cyn,-”
“Don’t.” I cut him off, not looking up. It was hard for me to fix the buckle since the new leather was so stiff.Yeah, that was why.
“What?” Ryan asked, surprised. I’d always been so forgiving in the past, trying not to hold grudges like I had on the streets. But I couldn’t change what the streets had made me.
“You always say something that sets me off, and then I just let you apologize and do it again. Well, I’m done with chances, ‘benefit of the doubt’, all that shit. I never liked second chances, and I should’ve known that applies to here as much as out there.” I was picking at the little hole where the tine of the buckle went through, trying to loosen it up enough to get it closed.
“Cyn-”
“Ryan!” I glared up at him in frustration, but I couldn’t see him because the room was so blurry. It took me a moment to realize it was because my eyes were submerged in unshed tears. “I don’t want to go through this anymore.”
Instead of listening like a good boy, he crossed the room, sitting next to me on the couch. “Cyn, I know. I’m sorry, okay? I don’t always know what to say. In fact, I usually don’t. A lot of what I say comes out wrong.” He put and arm around my shoulders, leaving it there even when I tried to shrug him off.
“I noticed.” I mumbled, not looking at him.
“Cyn, I’m sorry. I know it’s not enough, but all I can do is apologize.” Ryan said quietly. “Say ‘I’m sorry’ and hope it comes out right.”
I bit my lip. My head was screaming ‘run’, but what else was new? Oh, right, that staccato, uneven heartbeat was brand-new.
“Ryan,-” I began slowly, shaking my head, but he interrupted me this time.
“I really am sorry. I can’t say it enough and I probably never will, and I’ll probably be apologizing to you forever, but I’m sorry, okay?”
I met his gaze out the corner of my eyes, seeing him clearly now that the tears were leaking down my face instead of building up inside of me. “Why does it matter if we get along? Can’t I just be mad at you?” I whispered. If I stayed mad, I wouldn’t go through having himhurt disappoint me like this again.
“I don’t want you mad at me.” Ryan’s arm slid down to my waist, and he pulled me against him, wrapping both his arms securely around me as Batman jumped to the floor, unhappy with the sudden lack of attention.
Ryan buried his face in my hair. “I’m sorry.” He breathed into my ear, making me shiver.I hated what that boy could do to me.
“Okay.” I mumbled back, twisting in his arms to wrap my own around him, burying my face in his shoulder. He gave me a gentle squeeze, then just held me in silence, his chin resting on my head as I nuzzled into his neck, brushing his soft skin with the bridge of my nose.
After a moment, Ryan shifted to whisper into my hair again. “You’re driving me crazy.”
“How?” I asked slowly, not entirely paying attention. He was so close, so real, sodistracting.
“Should I show you?” He asked softly, his voice slightly wicked.
Before I could respond, he gently pushed me back on the couch, laying on top of me. I blinked in surprise, and Ryan smiled before nuzzling his face into my neck, just like I’d been doing to him.
It was maddening, feeling his hot breath, his eyelashes, his soft skin against my own. The thrill that ran through me when his lips brushed my neck nearly stopped my heart before it kicked into overdrive, thudding erratically.
Ok, I hadn’t been doing that.Then again, I wasn’t complaining.
I clenched my jaw when his lips brushed a spot low on my neck, near my collarbone, trying to puzzle out just what was going on in myheart head.
Somehow, he seemed to know that spot got to me, because he kissed it again, slightly harder, before grazing his teeth against it.
I bit back the moan building up in the back of my throat, but couldn’t hold back the hum it was reduced to. Ryan pulled away from me for a second, smirking until his eyes met mine, and then we were kissing again, and everything was okay, and everything was wonderful, and I was glad I wasn’t still mad, and I’d missed him when I was gone, and I’d missed kissing him like this…
When his tongue brushed my lips to deepen the kiss, I obliged, wrapping my arms around his neck and tangling my hands in his hair as I pulled him even closer, his hands sliding from my waist to my hips.
We broke apart for air, then immediately went back for more because something about this was so beautiful, so perfect, so right….
Around us, I could feel the world spinning almost as fast as the butterflies in my stomach, and when we broke apart for air Ryan’s dark eyes kept me hypnotized until he pulled me back for more, and the only thing I could think about was how much I’d missed him when I was gone even though I’d denied it….
I suddenly remembered that day back in Oklahoma, when Ryan had kissed me for the first time. Everything he’d told me about the head-over-heels kind of love and how real it was.
I suddenly realized I believed him.
And I realized that scared me.