The Punchline to the Joke Is Asking

“Wow, Jimmy, that’s… really something.” Matt said with a nervous laugh, rereading the lyrics he’d been handed. Zacky, Brian, and Johnny looked similarly disturbed.
“Thanks.” Jimmy grinned, ignoring their awkwardness.
“Lemme see!” I whined. They’d all been keeping the sheet out of my reach as they read it, and were still keeping it away from me, which meant it was something good. “C’mon guys.”
“If they don’t show you, I have another copy at home.” Jimmy informed me in a stage whisper, complete with a conspiratorial wink.
“You would, Sullivan.” Zacky scowled, and Matt made a similar face as he handed me the sheet.
“’A Little Piece of Heaven’?” I grumbled. “How bad could that be?”
I read the lyrics, and just stared at the paper for a second in shock before skimming through them again.
Then I stared at Jimmy. “What the fuck was your childhood trauma?”
Zacky, Matt, and Johnny burst out laughing, either at my face or at my question, I wasn’t sure, but Johnny was snickering, too.
“What was yours?” Jimmy retorted childishly, without thinking.
I raised my eyebrows at him as everyone abruptly shut up, watching me closely. Even Jimmy looked apologetic.
“I’ve got a list.” I grinned crookedly and slightly sadistically, my eyes wicked.

-X-

I was in New York, darting down the sidewalk, dodging in between people, not looking behind me because I knew they were still on my tail.
I’ll never lose them.
My breathing was coming in sharp, ragged gasps and my heart was pumping faster than it ever had, even though my head was clear. Mostly.
Run. Run. Run.
I’m going to die.
Not if I run.
My reflection flashed past a dark store window, showing a wide-eyed 13-year-old with blood leaking from under her hair, streaking across her pale face. She wasn’t pretty, years of this had stolen that virtue, like so many others, from her.
Run.
I skidded around a tight corner and leaped for the bottom of the fire escape ladder. It clattered down as I scrambled up, barely getting anywhere until the ladder stopped dropping. They were already around the corner, jumping onto the ladder where I had been only an instant before. I’d made it up to the first landing, and rushed up and up, and up…. My chest, my lungs, they were on fire, but the blood and sweat were ice on my skin, urging me on like their shouts….
What do I do at the top?
I pushed that thought away, knowing I would have to make a tough, snap decision as I hauled myself up, onto the concrete. It was a flat plateau, and I looked around wildly, still running blindly, adjusting my course as I took in my surroundings, turning slightly as the men behind me burst onto the roof, still calling for me to wait, whistling at me, catcalling…
Run.
I ran for the edge, knowing twenty stories was a long way to go, but I had to try it. I wouldn’t let them take me again. I knew to run. I’d learned to run.
With a final shove, I felt the concrete beneath my feet disappear, and I was airborne, seeing the next roof slightly below me, and feeling like it was close enough to touch as I started to fall past it-
I bolted upright, gasping, covered in sweat and tangled in the blankets.
I didn’t like dreaming that memory. Not at all.
I remembered it clearly, and I remembered just catching onto the edge of the other rooftop. I’d broken my hand that day, but I’d saved my life. And I’d learned to play lefty because it was easier to strum with a broken hand than form chords. So there were good things that came of it.
Was I really that desperate to see the bright side of things? I guess I had been, but now… now, it just seemed like bullshit. I was forgetting how it was to survive, day to day, just like that.
I bit my lip, glancing at the clock. The glowing green numbers blurred, and I swore under my breath when they swam into focus.
2:48. Who wants to wake up that fucking early?
I groaned in frustration and fell back onto the bed, knowing there was no way in hell I’d be sleeping again tonight.
After tossing and turning in the darkness for about three minutes (which felt like three hours), I got up, stumbled across the room, and clicked on the lamp.
Even awake, they still haunted me. Every shadow was one of them, come to get me.
They were all the thugs, all the gangs and drug lords and pimps and unsavory characters who had their own, unoriginal plans for little girls. Then again, some were very original….
I shuddered at the thought and leaned back against the wall, sliding down it until I could bury my face in my knees. After a moment of feeling the soft flannel of my pajama pants caressing my face, I looked up and rested my chin on my knees, wondering what to do.
Next to me, my door cracked open, nearly scaring a scream out of me after that stupid dream and my overactive imaginationand all the paranoia the streets had beaten into me.
“Cyn? Something wrong?” A very sleepy Jimmy asked, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
“Nah. Go back to bed.” I whispered. I wasn’t sure why, since we were both up, but… it would feel weird to just be loud.And they might hear me.
I shook off my dream and looked up again, just in time for Jimmy to sit down next to me.
“Bad dream?” He asked, waking up a little more. I just blinked at him in surprise.
He smiled a little bit. “It’s the middle of the night and you’re hiding with your lights on.”
“Oh.” I am so fucking predictable. Leave it to me to be completely see-through. Then again, I don’t have to hide from Jimmy. I bit my lip, not really wanting to give up the feeling of being able to look out for myself.
Fuck it.
I let myself fall against him, latching on tight to the tall man. Jimmy was frozen in shock for a moment, but wrapped his arms around me as sobs began to wrack my body, shaking my shoulders.
“Cyn, it’s okay. It’s just a dream. It won’t hurt you, I promise. I promise I won’t let it hurt you.” Jimmy kept mumbling about how he’d keep me safe and nothing would hurt me, not realizing that was why my tears were coming even faster.
“Cyn, what happened?” Jimmy finally asked, when I’d stopped shaking, even as the occasional tear leaked out to join the stain on his shirt.
“I… I was dreaming about before. Back when I was in the city. On a… bad day.” I didn’t like my choppy, childish words, but it was all I was capable of at the moment.
“Oh.” Jimmy said, knocked off-track with his reassuring, mumbled words before he started rubbing my back again, telling me over and over that I was okay and he wouldn’t let anything hurt me.

-X-

I stretched, blinking as I wondered why I was sleeping while sitting on the floor, then realized that Jimmy’s arms were wrapped around me protectively as he, too, slept propped against the wall.
Oh. I guess we fell asleep after… I broke down.
I bit my lip, pulling my knees up to my chest again as I leaned into Jimmy with a soft sigh. I felt so safe here, with Avenged Sevenfold in general, but especially Jimmy.But I missed Ryan more.
Jimmy shifted a little, waking up and stretching lazily before cracking one eye open and grinning at me. “Did I scare the bad dreams away?”
I grinned back. “Yes Jimmy, you’re terrifying.”

Later, I was trying to sneak away to call Ryan, but Jimmy caught me- kind of.
He noticed me trying to sneak off and followed me out of the living room where the rest of the guys were and into the kitchen. I’d already made a beeline for the backdoor, but Jimmy’s voice held me back.
“Cyn? Can I… talk to you?”
I turned to face him, trying to read his expression. He was serious, and what was worse, he was nervous. I narrowed my eyes, just the tiniest bit, and tilted my head slightly, trying to see what was going on. “Yeah.” I said slowly. I didn’t mean for it to come out rude or short or anything, but I was unnerved. It took a lot to throw me for a loop like that, and everyone knew that.
Jimmy forced a grin before sitting down at the table, tracing the grain of the wood with his eyes as I slowly followed suit.
“Well,” Jimmy began, glancing up to meet my eyes before looking down again. Quickly. “Look, Cyn, don’t freak out on me, okay? I just wanna ask you something, but… I don’t wanna freak you out.”Too late. “Okay…” I replied slowly, watching him carefully. He was fidgeting a bit, but Jimmy could never hold still. It wasn’t his normal ADD jumpiness, though. He was really nervous.
“I was thinking, and I talked to the guys and they approve- not that that matters, I just thought you’d want to know- and, well- are you sure you won’t freak on me?” Jimmy mumbled the last bit of his rambling tirade, meeting my eyes briefly before glancing away again.
“Yeah, Jimmy.” I grinned easily, knowing that he’d relax a bit if I did.
Shooting me another quick look, Jimmy blurted out something completely incoherent.
“What?” I asked, and Jimmy looked up, wide-eyed.
“Please don’t freak out-”
“No, I couldn’t figure out what you said. I prefer English, please.” I shot him another crooked grin, and he returned it sheepishly.
“Right. Sorry. But, umm… well, would you… want me to adopt you?” He mumbled, dropping my gaze only to keep sneaking glances at me.
Not again.