Land of a Million Stars

Quinn was there when I arrived. He was flipping through photos, a solemn expression on his face. He didn’t seem to notice my presence. I clasped my hands in front of me and sat down beside him, close enough to feel the warmth radiating from his body but not close enough so that I was touching him.

“These are the pictures I’ve taken of you,” Quinn said. He handed them to me. They were good and you could see me clearly, in all of them.

“You were right; they turned out okay,” I said. Quinn nodded. I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” I said.

“I know,” Quinn replied.

“I asked you to choose between me and Sara. Between a dead girl and a could-be dead girl. That wasn’t fair of me.” Quinn said nothing. “I love you. I didn’t mean anything I said. I don’t want you to be with Sara. I want you to be with me because I love you.” He looked at me, his green eyes completely open and full of hurt and love and everything in between.

I bit my lip. Quinn leaned forward and gently brushed his lips across mine. He sighed and took me in his arms, laying us down together.

“I talked to Sara,” he whispered. “I told her that I couldn’t be with her because I was in love with someone else. She asked who. I told her that I was in love with you. She didn’t seem surprised. She told me to go and so I did. I looked for you, but I couldn’t find you.”

“I was at my dad’s motel,” I said softly.
Quinn nodded. “So,” he said. “What now?”

“There’s some place we need to go,” I said.



The tree was undamaged.

“What’s this?” Quinn asked.

“This… is the tree that took my life. Or, that assisted me in taking my life,” I said. Quinn gave me a look and then stepped closer to the tree, brushing his hand against the bark. I stared at it, the merciless tree. The tree that started it all.

I walked over so I was standing next to Quinn. He shot me a glance and then took my hand. With his hand over mine, he placed our hands on the bark. It was rough beneath my palm, but warm. I closed my eyes and it came back.

“Ella? Where are you going?” My mother’s voice called from behind me. But I was in no mood for listening.

I grabbed my car keys, holding them tightly. The rough ridges dug painfully into my hand but I ignored the feeling. “Out,” was my curt reply.

“Where?” Mom asked me.

“I don’t know. Somewhere. Anywhere. I don’t care,” I said. Mom opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off, “Lay off, Mom. I’m nineteen. That’s an adult. I don’t have to tell my mom where I’m going every time I leave the house.”

“You do if you want to continue living here,” my mom warned.

“Then maybe I’ll move out.” And I walked through the front door, slamming it behind me. I climbed into my car, started it up, and drove away. My mom watched me leave through the living room window.

The town lights blurred past as I pressed past the speedlights. I clicked on my radio, and it started spilling My Chemical Romance’s This is How I Disappear. I let the lyrics wash over me and my grip tightened on the steering wheel. I left the town limits.

My cell phone lit up, buzzing on the seat next to me. Wade’s name flashed on the screen. I grabbed it and flipped it open.

“What?” I snapped.

“Where are you?” he asked.

“I’m leaving. I’m getting out,” I told him.

“Out?”

“Yeah. Away. I need to get away.”

“Ella, you’re being rash.”

“Don’t care. Bye Wade.” And I closed the phone, tossing it aside. I pressed down on the gas, watching the hand on the speedometer climb faster and faster. The outside world blurred past and up ahead, off to the side, I saw a tree. It stood alone, isolated out here.

Out. I wanted out.

I adjusted my course so the tree was dead in front of me, my savior. The meter continued to climb, the tree coming closer and closer at every second. I closed my eyes.

The impact jarred me and I slammed forward, my chest hitting the steering wheel. It drove the breath from my lungs and cracked a few things, I was sure. The pain was immense but it didn’t last long. The world quickly faded to black and I smiled as my last few seconds on earth drew to an end.

I was out.

Can you hear me cry out to you,
Words I thought I’d choke on figure out.
I’m really not without you anymore
I’m just a ghost.
So I can’t hurt you anymore,
I can’t hurt you anymore.