Land of a Million Stars

The next few days were blurry. They faded into each other, the words and actions meaningless as I tried to keep my grasp on reality. On this world.

I knew my time left was running out. I’d done all I’d set out to do; helped Quinn, my mother, my brothers, Wade, and even a stranger. There was only one more thing to contend with and I was putting it off.

Quinn put up the pictures of me and together, we finished his room. We unpacked his clothes and decorated it. Then we traveled to my house where Quinn helped my brothers and my mom pack up my room.

Frankie and Zeke made a date to talk to dad. They talked to Quinn and said they wanted me there, and to relay the message. I would be there.

They decided to meet on a Thursday. It was rainy and cold but that didn’t matter; I couldn’t feel it anyway. They were meeting at one of coffee shops, the only decent one in town. Dad was there early because Zeke and Frankie got there on time and he’d already had two cups of coffee.

My brothers sat down on the other side of the table and I sat in the only empty seat. They couldn’t see me but I hoped they knew I was there.

“Zeke, Frankie,” Dad said. And I swore I saw tears in his eyes.

“Dad,” Frankie said. Zeke only nodded.

“How are you boys?” Dad asked.

“Fine,” they both said. They sat for a while, just staring at each other. I clasped my hands together and placed them on the table, studying them.

“I’m sorry about your sister,” Dad said finally.

“Don’t be,” Frankie said. “We love Ella. But we can stay hung up on her death. She wouldn’t want that.” Zeke nodded in agreement. Even Dad nodded.

“You’re right,” he said. “Ella wouldn’t have wanted people to worry after her once she was gone. Even when she was little, she was so smart about that kind of stuff.”

“How would you know? You weren’t there long enough to find out,” Zeke hissed.

Frankie shot Zeke a look. “Zeke,” he warned.

“Oh shove it, Frankie,” Zeke said. “I’m not about to sit here and talk to him like he never left, never broke Mom’s and Ella’s hearts. Maybe you can do that, Frankie, but I can’t.”

“Zeke – ”

“No. Zeke’s right,” Dad said, and he sighed. “I left you guys and I didn’t look back. I’m sorry but I can’t change that. I would like to be a part of your lives now, though. If you’ll let me.”

“Yeah, well, what if we don’t want you to?” Zeke asked.

“Then, that’s your choice, I guess,” Dad said.

Frankie looked at Zeke and then at Dad and then, he looked over at the chair I was sitting in. I knew he couldn’t see me but I figured he recognized my presence. He nodded once, as if understanding.

“I’d like that, Dad,” Frankie said, finally looking Dad in the eye. To say Dad like relieved is an understatement.

“Frank, what the hell?” Zeke snapped.

Frankie looked over at Zeke and gave him a cool look. “I know what Ella asked of us, Zeke. I know what she would want. What she wants. I have to respect her wishes. Not just for her, but because it’ll help me, too. And it’ll help you, Zeke, if you let him in.” Zeke glared at Frankie. He looked over at me, too.

“Ella,” he whispered so only I could hear, “tell me what to do.”

I placed my hand on top of his arm, and willed him to feel it. He did. He nodded. “Dad,” he said, “I don’t forgive you. Not yet. But I’d like to get the chance to. If that’s okay with you.”

Dad smiled, grateful. “I’d like that, son,” he said. After that, the tension seemed to be broken. I figured it would be a good time to bow out; I’d done my piece. It was up to them to do the rest.