Land of a Million Stars

The lake was where I ended up.

Lying on the grass, I could almost feel the coolness of the air, the dampness of the dew that shined on the green grass. A breeze flew in and shook the trees gently. A leaf released its hold on the branch and floated down, swirling around. It landed near me.

Then I started to cry.

I wasn’t sure why. I mean, I had lots of reasons to cry, I guess. I was dead, the lives of my brothers were falling apart, and my boyfriend was tearing himself up inside. The world I’d left was crashing down around those that I loved. And now there was Quinn, a random stranger who had done what I asked even though it was completely whacko. A random stranger who could, out of everyone, see me.

But none of those reasons seemed like the reason for my tears. I cried for what felt like hours but I eventually stopped, curling up into a ball. I started humming a lullaby my mother used to sing to me when I wouldn’t sleep. She sang it back when she was happy, before my dad left us.

When the sun rose, I still didn’t leave. I didn’t want to go home and see Frankie, a shy boy who would rather pretend things didn’t happen than actually admit they did. I didn’t want to see my mother who was probably at work and wouldn’t be home until late. I didn’t want to see Zeke’s empty room because he’d gone to jail. And I didn’t want to see Quinn. I promised him I’d tell him everything but I was still drained from whatever had happened last night.

It wasn’t until the sun was high in the sky that I finally got up and went home. I went straight to my room, too, and lay on my bed. I’d put butterflies and flowers on my ceiling. The cloth kind that were pastel colored to match my bedroom.

Someone knocked downstairs but I couldn’t gather enough curiosity to go check it out. Mom answered the door. I could hear what she said through the floor.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“Yes. Is this the Fitzpatrick residence?” The voice was male but I couldn’t place it.

“Yes, it is,” Mom replied.

“Does Ella Fitzpatrick live here?”

Silence. “Frankie? Come here, please.” Mom wasn’t confrontational. And while Frankie pretended things didn’t exist, he’d answer your questions if you had any.

“Yeah?” Frankie asked.

“This gentleman wants to talk about…” Mom didn’t finish her sentence. But then, she didn’t need to. Who else in this family had died?

“What do you want to know?” Frankie asked. I heard footsteps on the stairs and then listened as they passed my room. Mom’s bedroom door shut loudly.

“Um. Where’s Ella?”

Only one person in this town wouldn’t know what had happened to me. Quinn. What was he doing here? I got up and went downstairs. Quinn looked disheveled, like he hadn’t slept all night. Funny how I seem to have that effect on people.

“She died,” Frankie said flatly. “Is there anything else I can help you with or can I return to my life of mourning my dead sister?”

Quinn noticed me standing by the staircase. “What are you talking about?” Quinn asked. “She’s right there.” He pointed at me and I sighed. Frankie shot him a glare and I stepped closer.

“Goodbye,” Frankie snapped. And he slammed the door close. He leaned his back against it and pinched the bridge of his nose. I looked at Frankie for a long time. He had the same dark curls as me, though they were shorter. His eyes were nearly black while mine were much more golden. Freckles were scattered across his face, a few here and a few there. He’d been cute in that little kid way, especially with his dimples. Of course, he didn’t date girls. Frankie was 100% into guys. It upset many a girl in this town.

I stepped through the door and found Quinn staring dumbfounded at me.

“What,” he said, “the hell are you?”

“Come, Quinn,” I said. “We need to talk.”



“So you’re dead?” Quinn picked up a rock he found on the ground. We were sitting in the opening by the lake. I figured it was a quiet enough place where no one would see Quinn and get suspicious if he was talking to himself.

“Yep,” I replied, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I put my chin on my knees and looked over at him.

“How’d you die?” he asked.

“That’s not really important,” I said.

“Sure it is,” Quinn insisted.

“Quinn, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry.”

“Okay. That’s cool.” He frowned and then threw the rock towards the lake. It landed with a kerplunk. “How come I’m the only one who can see you?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sure,” I told him. “On the first day, you looked at me but you didn’t see me, did you?”

Quinn shook his head. “No. Well, kind of. I saw you but you disappeared. Like, you shimmered in and out of view. And then you were just gone and I thought I was seeing things. Until you showed up in my room.”

“Do I shimmer now?” I asked.

“Sometimes. You’ll get this wistful expression sometimes and then you kind of waver. I don’t know.” Quinn shrugged. I didn’t say anything after that and neither did he. We both looked at the ground but then Quinn got up and walked towards the shoreline. He kicked off his shoes and his socks and started walking in. He shivered a little.

“Come in, Ella,” he called back to me.

“What’s the point?” I said, getting up also. “I can’t feel the water.”

Quinn came back to shore and stopped a foot in front of me. “Can I try something?” he asked. I nodded and waited. He reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder. It was warm from his body heat but cold from the water. I could feel the temperature. “I can touch you,” he said. He looked into my eyes.

“It’s been a while since I’ve had contact with someone,” I admitted. “I forgot how nice someone’s hand can feel, even if it’s barely touching you.”

Quinn smiled. “Maybe I can help you with the lake situation,” he said.

“How?”

Quinn offered his hand. “Take my hand,” he said. Giving him an odd look, I did what he asked. I could feel the freeze. “Now walk into the water.” I did. It was cold!

“Oh my God,” I whispered. The water was cold and wet and it felt glorious. Not letting go of his hand, I dragged him into deeper water and dunked my head under. I laughed when I came back up.

I felt, for the first time since I’d died, free.