Land of a Million Stars

“Ella? Ella, wake up.”

“Go away,” I mumbled. “Five more minutes.”

Someone gently nudged my shoulder. Then warm hands brushed hair away from my face. “Ella, get up. Please?” The voice was soft and smooth, soothing and I wanted them to keep talking so I could fall asleep to it.

“Sleep,” I murmured, bringing my knees up to my chin. I heard a small chuckle.

“Alright,” they said. “Only for a few more minutes.” I nodded. But I couldn’t fall back asleep. Finally I opened my eyes and saw Quinn at his desk. He was sitting on some boxes, fiddling with something. He turned to look at me and when he saw me awake, he grinned. He lifted a black box and pressed a button on the top. A bright light exploded. A camera.

I rubbed my eyes. “Ow,” I said. Colorful blotches clouded my vision and I blinked them away.

“Sorry,” Quinn said, smiling sheepishly.

“I don’t think the picture will turn out,” I told him, sitting up. “I mean, I’m dead. Ghostly.”

“But they have pictures of ghosts,” Quinn pointed out. I shrugged. He was right. I stretched my arms above my head and let out a large yawn.

“Do you like photography?” I asked.

Quinn nodded. “Yeah. I was put in photography class my freshman year. I thought I was going to hate it. But it turns out, I’m good at it. Not that it’s that hard to be good at it. You just point the camera and click.” He grinned.

“There’s a photography class at the high school here,” I informed him.

“I know,” Quinn said. “I enrolled today and I asked for it.” He thought a moment. “Are you in high school?”

I shook my head. “No. I graduated last year. What grade are you?”

“Twelfth. I turned eighteen a few weeks ago,” he said. I nodded. School had started barely a month ago. The air was still warm but in a month’s time, it’d start getting cold and rainy. “How old were you when you…?”

“Nineteen,” I whispered. “My birthday is in a few days. It’ll be hard, you know. For my brothers and for my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?”

“His name is Wade. He lives behind my house.” I picked at the hem of my shirt. They were the clothes I’d died in: dark fitted jeans and a red tank top. Sometimes I caught my reflection in a mirror and I’d have a hard time moving on because I knew I’d never look any way except for this. Quinn nodded and looked away.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked softly.

“I did,” Quinn replied. “Before we moved.”

“What was her name?”

“Francesca.”

“Was she pretty?”

Quinn let out a long breath and smiled faintly. “God, yes. She was beautiful. She was Hispanic so her skin was dark and her eyes were dark and her hair was dark. She was exotic and smart and nice and funny and beautiful. I always wondered what made her choose me.”

I didn’t say anything. I knew what that felt like. I felt like that with Wade. He was always so perfect, it seemed, and I was always so… not.

Quinn got up and came to sit by me. He was close enough that the smell of his room was stronger and I could feel his warmth. I wanted that warmth back.

“So,” Quinn said. He sat up straight and tossed me a crooked smile. The tension evaporated. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“I was… lonely,” I said slowly. “I couldn’t stay at my house. Zeke’s in jail, Frankie’s a wreck, and Mom… I don’t even know what to do with her.” I looked over at him. “Their lives are falling apart, Quinn. And it’s all because of me.”

“Hey now,” Quinn said gently, wrapping his arm around me. I nestled my head in the crook of his neck. His skin was soft and the smell of boy was so strong. I ached for Wade. “Don’t say that. It’s not like you wanted to die.” And that only made me cry that much harder. My tears left tracks on Quinn’s neck.

He held me for a few moments, while I let the energy drain out of me. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, minutes, hours, I didn’t keep track. But someone knocked on the door. Quinn untangled himself from me, though he put his hand on top of mine.

“Come in,” he called.

A little Goth girl peered in. “Quinn?” she asked. Her make-up was gone but she was wearing black and lace-y pajamas with chains. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail and she looked frightened.

“Caitlyn,” Quinn said, moving again. His hand left mine as he sat forward. “What’s wrong?”

Caitlyn’s blue eyes filled with tears and she ran in, flinging herself at Quinn. She wrapped her arms around his neck. Quinn looked at me, worry creasing his face. He wrapped his arms around her as well.

“What’s wrong?” Quinn whispered.

“L – Luke,” Caitlyn whimpered. Quinn’s face went hard. He put Caitlyn on his bed. “Stay here.” And he looked at me. “Stay with her.” And he left. Caitlyn, through her tears, looked puzzled. But I couldn’t stay here, not when I knew something bad might happen.

I followed Quinn out into the hall. He saw me and spun on his heel, eyes blazing. “I thought I told you to stay there,” he snapped.

I glared back. “For what? She can’t see me, Quinn. And you look like you’re about to do something stupid,” I said. Quinn stared at me. I softened my look. “Quinn, whatever you’re doing, don’t.”

“I have to. I promised myself I wouldn’t let it happen again,” he said. And then he was gone again, heading down the stairs. I hurried after him.

Downstairs there was a loud crash and Quinn froze. I smashed into him. He didn’t move.

“Dammit, Karen,” a voice yelled. Luke, obviously. Another crash.

“Luke, stop,” a female voice said. Karen.

Quinn went forward, barely being missed by a flying vase. I grabbed Quinn’s arm. “Quinn, come back upstairs,” I whispered. “Right now. Come on.” Quinn shook my grasp off. “Quinn, you could get hurt.”

“Quinn,” Karen said. “Go back upstairs.”

“No, Mom,” Quinn said. Luke wasn’t moving and Quinn turned on him. “What? You’re not so tough if you’ve got an audience. Come on, tough guy. You’re angry at her? Take a swing at me instead.”

Luke stepped forward. “You’re askin’ for it, kid,” he growled.

“Quinn, no,” Karen said, rushing over to her son. “Don’t do this. I’m fine. See, look. Nothing. Not a scratch or a cut or – or anything. I’m fine.”

He moved past his mom and over to Luke. “Go ahead,” he said.

My heart sped up and I gripped my hands into tight fists. “Quinn,” I whispered, “please don’t.” But he didn’t hear me. Or if he did, he ignored me.

Luke balled his hand up and slammed it into Quinn’s jaw. Quinn spiraled backwards. He stood again and walked over to Luke once more. “Keep going,” he said. And Luke did. It carried out for what seemed like hours but it was probably only a few minutes. By the time Quinn was bleeding, I was angry. I was madder than I’d ever been in my entire life.

The smell of lilies was strong. It wafted around Quinn and then Luke. “No!” I yelled and the force of the lilies sent Luke and Quinn reeling back. Quinn tripped over a rug and fell but Luke hit the wall.

Karen and Luke both stared at me in wide-eyed terror and I realized they could see me.

“Ella!” Quinn yelled. The world spun in circles and the aura left, retreating. I couldn’t stand up or breathe.

“Quinn,” I whispered and then I hit the ground.