Land of a Million Stars

The place I was at was white. Very white and very bright and just looking at it gave me a headache. I squinted.

“Hello?” I called. No answer. I frowned. Where was I? I stood from where I lay on the ground. I felt weird. Tingles flew through my body like I’d just stuck my finger in an electrical socket. It smelled strongly of lilies.

A scary thought hit me: what if I’d lily-aura-blasted myself into heaven? Was this heaven? I’d heard it would be white but I didn’t figure it’d be all white.

Someone laughed. “No, Ella. You’re not in heaven,” and a beautiful woman emerged from the white. She had dark curly hair that was glossy and not at all frizzy. Her skin was flawless. I felt grungy standing next to her.

“Who are you?” I asked.

She smiled, showing off perfect white teeth. She was so perfect and beautiful that it hurt looking at her. “My name is Victoria,” she said. “I’m an angel.”

“Angel. Okay. So I am in heaven?” I said.

Victoria shook her head. “No,” she said. “You’re in, what I suppose in your world, they call ‘limbo’. That stage between life and death.”

“But I’m not in between life or death,” I said. “More like death and deader death.”

Victoria laughed. “It would seem so, wouldn’t it?” She took my hand and led me forward. “You, Ella Fitzpatrick, are meant for more than what you thought. You died much younger than you were supposed to, before you could do all you meant for. So everyone up here decided that you needed to stay on earth and fulfill your purpose.”

“And what purpose is that? The only person who can see me is Quinn,” I pointed out.

“Yes. We made that so. Quinn is a very broken boy. But we’re not here to talk about him. You’re meant to help people. Even after death, you have that gift. Haven’t you noticed your aura?” she asked. I nodded. “It will help you. Only once you’ve helped those you’re meant to and you master your aura will you be brought to the Gates of Heaven.”

“How long will that take?” I asked.

Victoria shrugged. “I’m not sure,” she said. “It depends on how long it takes you.” Well, thanks for that vague and totally not helpful answer.

“How come, when I’ve used the ‘aura’ or whatever it’s called, that people can see me?”

“You become corporeal. That’s part of how the aura works. The more you use, the more substantial you become. That’s why it drains you so much.”

“Is that why I’m here now?” I asked.

“Yes. You used much of your power when you saved Quinn. In a sense, it destroyed you. I caught you before you were sent to Heaven and now I’m going to send you back. You know your purpose, yes?”

I nodded. “Help people,” I said. “But how can I? Quinn is the only person who can see me!”

“It is through him that you’ll save yourself, him, and many others.” And then she was gone. The lilies grew stronger and stronger until the white faded to black. When I opened my eyes this time, I saw cool grass, sparkling water, and dark blue sky. Stars winked at me from far above.

A figure stood in the water. They were shirtless – it was a boy. When I got closer, I could see the goosebumps rising on his skin. If he didn’t get out quick, he’d catch hypothermia. The dark hair was rustled in the breeze. I knew who it was.

“Quinn! Get out of there before you freeze to death!” I yelled. “I do not want you joining me in this sucky after-life!”

Quinn turned quickly. His lips were tinged blue. My jokey demeanor vanished and now I was worried. I hurried towards him. The moment my hand touched his wrist, the water soaked me. But it was cold tonight. The weather was starting cool down at night. I dragged Quinn out of the water. He was shivering and he was growing bluer by the minute. We didn’t have time to go to his house but we could go to Wade’s… He lived closer than Quinn and closer to me and we didn’t have much time; we needed to get Quinn warmed up.

“Come with me,” I said. I made him jog to Wade’s house and was relived when I saw Wade’s car in the driveway and his mom’s car gone. I pressed the doorbell.

It took a few moments but Wade opened the door. He looked very tired and unhappy at Quinn.

“Who the hell are you?” he snapped.

Come on, lilies. Work with me here!

I felt a little of my energy ebb away and surround Quinn. Wade must’ve smelled it too. “Q – Quinn,” Quinn stammered out. He clutched his arms around his shoulders.

“Hey, whoa. You’re turning blue.” Wade’s eyes widened and he stepped back. “Come in.” Quinn came in and followed him, brushing against Wade. He inhaled deeply and I knew he smelled the aura.

Wade disappeared into his bedroom and grabbed some dry clothes. “Go take a warm shower,” he said, “and then change into these.” Quinn nodded and shuffled off into the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on and I followed Wade into his room. He shut the door behind him and put his hands on his head.

“Okay, El,” he said. “What are you doing?”

I focused the aura on him. Wade’s eyes-widened and I knew he could see me, but I also knew I was only shimmering, fading in and out of sight. And when it became too much to handle that, I dropped it.

“Ella?” he whispered.

The door opened and Quinn stood there. Wade’s clothes fit him like a glove. “She’s here,” he said softly.

“What?” Wade asked.

“Ella. She’s here. I can see her,” Quinn clarified.

Wade’s vision darkened. “Don’t play games with me,” he hissed.

“I’m not.” Quinn didn’t sound scared or worried. Just tired. Very, very tired. “You saw her shimmer. She does that sometimes. But I can always see her.”

Wade stared over at the spot I was standing in. “Ella?” he whispered again. I nodded.

“She’s nodding,” Quinn said. I moved closer and placed my hands on Wade’s chest. That’s when Quinn got it.

“You’re Wade,” he said. Wade nodded. “She talked about you. You’re her boyfriend.” He hesitated. “Or, was, I guess.” Wade nodded.

Wade turned to look at Quinn. “Is there anyway I can see her… touch her?” He sounded so hopeful.

“Maybe,” Quinn said. He moved over to me and took my wrist. I could feel the warmth from Quinn on my wrist and the warmth from Wade himself. “Focus, El.” I did. Wade gasped.

“Ella,” he said.

I smiled at him. “Wade,” I whispered. Wade put his hand on my cheek, to feel if I was real.

“You’re actually here.” I nodded. “How? You died. I saw your body. I saw the wreck.”

“Wreck?” Quinn asked. I shushed him. This was not the time for Twenty Questions on How Ella Died. And truth be told, I didn’t want Quinn knowing what had happened, in case he thought less of me.

“I did die,” I told him, “but I didn’t leave. I’ve been walking around ever since. I go to check on you and my brothers and my mom. Sometimes other people, if I feel their distress.”

“Whenever I’ve smelled the lilies, it’s been you, hasn’t it?”

I nodded.

Wade exhaled deeply. “Wow,” he whispered. He lifted his gaze. I looked into his warm brown eyes and I felt safe, at home. He leaned closer and kissed me. It had been so long since I’d been kissed and Wade’s lips were just as I remembered them. Quinn cleared his throat. I blushed and we pulled away. Quinn was pointedly looking away but he still had his grasp on my wrist.

It was weird. Kissing one guy and holding hands with another. I felt very slutty.

Wade rested his forehead against mine. “When can I see you again?” he asked.

“I… I don’t think you can,” I said softly. Those words hurt, more than I ever knew words could hurt. A tear, fat and hot, fell from my eye. Wade brushed it away and when I saw his own eyes were brimming with tears, it only made me feel worse.

“Why not?” he asked.

“I think that this was a one time deal,” I told him. “To make sure you were going to be okay. You are, aren’t you?”

“El, I don’t… I don’t know,” he said.

“You have to be. Wade, please. I love you,” I said. “I love you so much.” Now we were both openly crying. Quinn’s grip tightened. “You have to be okay. You have to be okay, for me. I’m always going to be with you.” I pressed my hand against his heart. His alive, beating, strong heart. I kissed him gently. “I’ll always be with you.” And like I knew it would happen, even though Quinn still had a grip on my wrist, I faded back into my normal, ghosty self. I sighed.

“Come, Quinn,” I whispered. Quinn looked down and dropped my hand, but I needed comfort. I’d just done the hardest thing I’d ever needed to. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, resting my head against his shoulder as we walked. I cried the whole walk back to his house.