Danger Line

Matt and I got in the car with Damien to drop him off school. The ride was filled with the radio on KROQ. Sublime played and Damien sang along with “Two Joints”.

“Why does he know that song?” I asked Matt. I loved Sublime, and I knew Damien had no idea what he was singing about, but I was sure if he sang it at school then the principal would not like it.

Matt chuckled nervously. “Uh, I might’ve let Jimmy baby-sit him some times.”

“I’m going to have a word with Jimmy then,” I crossed my arms across my chest. “Damien shouldn’t be learning that yet.”

Matt chuckled, “Yet.”

I smiled too. “We can’t shield him from everything, but he needs to know to do things with moderation.”

“You’ll be there for him. We will,” he said and grabbed my hand. I laced our fingers and squeezed his hand.

The school came into view, and Matt quickly parked the car. I saw Penelope talking to some parents. I got out of the car and took Damien out. I quickly fixed his backpack and told him that his lunch was inside. He gave me kisses, and then I took him towards the group of children.

I was stopped by an old acquaintance.

“Kari?” she asked.

“Becky,” I smiled kindly at her.

Becky grinned. “I heard you were back. I’ve been meaning to visit, but with the new baby it’s been so hectic.”

“You had another child?” I asked.

She nodded her head. “A girl. Her name is Summer since she was born in the summer. I’m so happy you’re back.”

“Thank you. I’m happy I’m back too,” I joked a bit.

Becky and I started to chat, and a few minutes into the conversation I looked over to Matt to check on him. He was talking to Penelope. I would continue to glance over to them as Becky continued to talk about her life. I forgot how chatty she was. It was the reason I avoided talking to her.

She never seemed to have an end, or at least a pause button.

It wasn’t until the bell rang that Becky finally said she had to go. We hugged, and she promised to visit soon.

I walked back to Matt who was hugging Penelope. In my head, they hugged two seconds too long. I ignored the little green monster inside of me and smiled when Penelope turned. She smiled too. She looked so much better than me.

She looked healthy and I looked like shit.

“Hi, Kari,” she hugged me, and I hugged her back.

“Hello, Penny,” I said. “How are you?”

“I’m fine. I wish we could talk more, but I have to open the doors for the children.”

“It’s all right, another time we’ll catch up,” I said in a friendly tone.

She grinned and hugged me one more time and then went on her way. Matt was waiting for me. I sent him a smile as he opened the car door for me and I got inside. He closed the door and then went around the car to get inside.

When he turned on the car, I turned up the volume of the music since Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” was on.

“You love to sing along with this song,” Matt spoke.

I licked my lips and avoided looking at him. “I did.”

I hoped my tone told him I didn’t want to talk about it. He seemed to get it because he never said another word.

We arrived at the studio, Warner Brothers. I spotted the rest of the guys’ cars. Matt and I walked silently to the recording studio. When we arrived, everyone turned their heads to us. I greeted all of them with hugs and pecks on the cheeks.

“It’s so good to have you back in the studio,” Brian hugged me extra tightly. “Your word is always final in here.”

“It’s because she knows her music,” Jimmy grinned.

I escaped Brian’s embrace and I went to Jimmy.

“I need to know why my son knows ‘Two Joints’ instead of the ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’,” I poked his chest.

Jimmy rubbed the spot I poked him. “He didn’t like ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’. He immediately liked Sublime though. You should take it as a good sign.”

“Not if he’s singing it to his classmates, and I get a call from the principal,” I poked his chest again.

“Fine, no more Sublime for the five year old,” Jimmy chuckled.

“So I’m here because Matt said you wanted me, now what for?” I asked.

Jimmy’s eyes lit up. “I have songs and I need your input. You’ve always known what to do when it comes to lyrics. I’m good, but you’re better.”

I smiled. “I am.”

“Doesn’t deny it, conceited!” Johnny called out.

“It’s true though,” Matt chimed in. “She’s always been the best lyric writer, short shit.”

I smiled to Matt. “Thanks.”

“No problem, babe.”

Jimmy and I went to a spot where we could work together.

“Do you have an idea of what you want?” I asked when we sat down.

“I have the music inside of my head, and I’ve done some recording for it, but when it comes to the lyrics I get stuck on some parts,” he said.

“I know you’re touchy when it comes to changing your stuff, so let me see what you have,” I said and he handed me his notebook.

We spent the next hour working on a song he called “Afterlife”. He would sing for me when I would fix the lyrics. He kept insisting I would sing, but I told him I wasn’t in the mood. I hoped he didn’t take it the wrong way.

When it was time for lunch I was able to get some time alone because most the guys went to get us something to eat including Jimmy. He left me his notebook to continue with the song.

“I don’t belong here,” I tried to sing to myself, but my voice cracked at the end. I cleared my throat and tried again. “We’ve gotta move on dear, escape from this afterlife, fuck!” I cursed when my voice cracked again.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Johnny asked and sat next to me.

“Nothing,” I lied. “I’m just getting really into this song.” I rubbed my eyes.

Johnny laughed. “Don’t over think it.”

“I’m not. I’m just… seeing how it’s gonna fit with what Jimmy recorded.”

“Dude’s a genius, but don’t tell him I said that.”

I laughed. “I know. It’ll just make his ego bigger.”

The guys came back with burgers and fries.

We all joked around, and it was like we were back in the old days. It was such a good time. I laughed hard, and we talked about music. Talking about music lifted my spirit. If there was one thing that could help me, it was music.

I’m sure the guys noticed the change in me. I was smiling more, and I was almost back to the old me.

When it was time to pick up Damien, Matt and I said goodbye to the guys. Jimmy was going to go to my home to finish up ‘Afterlife’ and another song called ‘Dear God’. I was more than excited to continue working on music.

“That was really fun,” Matt said on our way to Damien’s school.

“It was,” I sighed happily. “I needed that. I really did.”

Matt grinned. “You look a bit better now.”

“Music has always saved me,” I said. “I missed it. Two years without music was complete torture,” I joked, and we laughed together.

After we picked up Damien, we went back to the house. Jimmy was already there. We went to living room to finish up where we left off.

“I was thinking of having violins and stuff,” Jimmy said.

“It would be pretty cool,” I nodded my head.

“Ok, so let’s continue. So, it goes ‘Give me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye. Please understand I have to leave and carry on my own life’,” Jimmy sang.

“Yeah, that sounds pretty good, and then the chorus again,” I added to the paper.

“Sing the next part,” Jimmy chirped.

I shook my head. “No, you can do it.”

“Kari, come on, please,” he insisted.

“Jimmy, I’m just… I can’t.”

“You’re the best female vocalist I fucking know,” he groaned. “How can you not?”

I closed my eyes. “It’s not that I won’t, but that I can’t. I… I can’t sing anymore, Jimmy.” I fought the tears. “Please… don’t make me.”

Jimmy quickly embraced me tightly. “Oh, babe, I didn’t want you feel like I was making you. I just wanted to hear you sing again. Your eyes always lit up when you did.”

“I’m slowly getting back to myself, and one day I will.”

“It’s too soon. It’s okay. Let’s continue,” he said and pulled away. I nodded and we went back to the song. “Loved ones back home all crying 'cause they're already missing me. I pray by the grace of God that there's somebody listening. Give me a chance to be that person I wanna be’.”