Danger Line

“Matt, what are you doing with that?” Kari asked him as he walked into the living room with a recently bought camera in his hand.

The grin on his face was permanent. He was going to have his first kid with the love of his life!

“What does it look like I’m doing?” he sat down next to her on the couch and turned the camera to them. “I’m creating memories.”

The red-light blinked, indicating that it was recording.

“It’s the final month before the birth of our first kid, the first of many,” he pecked her cheek.

“I’m a whale, Mattie,” she pouted her lips, and his heart gave that thump whenever she called him Mattie. “No, I’m a mountain. Mt. Everest.”

He laughed whole heartedly, and she slapped his arm.

“Do not laugh, Matthew Charles Sanders!”

“Babe,” his laughter died down, “it’s just that you’re not a whale or a mountain… you’re more like this big inflated balloon.”

She clenched her fist and punched his chest. His breath was taken away, she was stronger than she looked.

“Ow! Do you really want our kid to see his mother abusing his father?” he resisted the urge to laugh.

“Kid,” she turned to the camera, “I’m sure me being in charge is no surprise. I have always worn the pants in this relationship.”

Matt laughed and kissed his wife. His lips molded with hers like two missing puzzles coming together. His heart swelled like it always did whenever his lips touched hers, and his mind flooded with ideas of how to make her happy. He would always love her. She was the love of his life. He could literally not live without her.

She was his center, his everything. And she was about to make him the luckiest, and happiest man on earth by giving him a family.

“I love you,” she whispered when they stopped kissing.

“I love you, too.”

Matt snapped open his eyes. A dream. Again, the same one over and over again for the past ten days. He was surprised he fell asleep. He lifted his head from his desk; he had fallen asleep yet again in his office. The empty bottle of Jack was not too far from his hand.

He drank himself to sleep again.

He checked the time from his Blackberry that was on his desk; it was just past seven in the morning. He sat up straight, stretched and his back cracked. He groaned and hated the foul taste of his dry mouth. He rubbed his eyes and got up.

He walked out of his office and held on to the walls to get to the nearby bathroom.

He got to the bathroom just in time before he threw up.

He emptied his stomach of the alcohol and then brushed his teeth. He rinsed his mouth and headed out of the bathroom and back to his office. He closed the door behind him and his Blackberry started to vibrate on his desk.

He walked over to the wooden desk and picked up his Blackberry. On the screen flashed the name of Kari’s father.

Damien, his son, was over at his grandparents because he was not fit to be around his son. He was drunk most of the time. He forgets to feed himself, so taking care of a child was not something he could do at the moment.

It had been only ten days since the death of his wife was confirmed, but to him, it felt like it had been ten long years, and there was the rest of his life to look forward to without her. It pained him to his very core. It made him go into a deep well of despair and panic.

He literally couldn’t see a future without her, but he had a son to think about.

With a small sigh, Matt answered his father in law.

“Hello?” his voice was rough and almost unrecognizable to Kari’s father, Martin.

“Morning, Matt, glad to know you’re awake before noon,” Martin’s tone was sarcastic.

Matt resisted the urge to snap at him. He had to keep his anger under control.

“What’s wrong?” Matt asked Martin.

“Damien is asking for you. I think it would be good if you took him out today. Priscilla,” Kari’s mother, “has a lot of funeral details to go over and I have to be with her.”

“Of course,” Matt rubbed his tired face. “I’ll be over in an hour to pick him up.”

“Shower and drink Gatorade. I don’t want your son to know you’ve been drinking,” Martin’s tone was now direct and serious.

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Matt said and Martin hung up on him.

Matt said some unkind words about his father in law, and then he went to take a shower. His breakfast consisted of two Gatorades. He was hung over, but not drunk.

He was in his Expedition in record time. The drive to Damien’s grandparents’ home was only fifteen minutes on the freeway.

He parked outside of their home.

He texted Jimmy and Leana that he was going to go over their home with Damien. They had already texted him to do so just the day before.

Matt knocked on the door.

Priscilla opened the door. The bags under her eyes matched Matt’s, but hers were deeper than his. The woman did lose all of her children to war. Priscilla looked a lot like Kari. They had the same hair and facial features, except Priscilla’s eyes were dark green like Damien’s--Kari’s brother--had been. Kari got her father’s eyes a light brown.

“Hello,” Matt spoke first.

“Damien’s in the living room watching cartoons,” she opened the door wide and allowed him in.

He walked inside and headed for the living room. Damien sat on the couch, far away from the TV instead of up close like he used to. His eyes were on the TV, but anyone would be able to tell that his mind wasn’t on how many chickens were in the hen.

Matt sat down next to his son.

Damien noticed him and cuddled next to his father. Matt wrapped his arm around his son. He would give anything to make the pain go away.

“We’re going to visit Uncle Jimmy, Damien, go put your shoes on,” Matt told his son softly.

Damien let out a small sigh and got off the couch. He turned his eyes to his father--Matt nearly gasped how Damien’s eyes resembled Kari’s some much.

“I miss mommy,” and with that he raced upstairs to get his shoes.

Matt rested his elbows on his knees and then again rubbed his face. The headache did not help him at all.

Matt felt the couch shift next to him. He removed his hands from his face and turned his head to Martin.

His father in law showed concern on his face.

“I know it’s hard, but you have to be there for your son,” Martin had his ‘I’m so wise’ tone.

But, Matt understood, it was the second time Martin was going through it.

“It’s hard. I can’t take care of myself. I don’t want anything to happen to Damien. He’s the only reason I’m still alive.”

“Don’t speak like that, Matt. Kari would’ve hated it,” Martin was right.

“It’s just…” Matt struggled with his words. “I wake up alone and I hate it. I hate the world for taking her away. I hate… everything!”

“Hate is something I also felt when it happened to Damien. It nearly took me over and made me a bitter man,” Martin said. “Don’t you let that happen. Accept her death and just remember her life, not her death.”

It easier said than done. Matt thought bitterly.

Damien walked down the stairs with his Superman shoes on, the ones Kari bought him before she left to war.

Matt sighed and stood up. He picked up Damien in his arms and bid goodbye to Martin and Priscilla.

Matt strapped Damien in his car seat and then went to the driver’s seat and drove towards Jimmy’s place.

He would glance in the rearview mirror to look at his son. The silence in the car was overwhelming. His son looked absentmindedly out the window.

Matt couldn’t listen to music, so turning on the radio was out of the question. Almost any song reminded him of her because she loved to sing to almost everything that went on the radio. He loved that about her. She didn’t have a great voice, but she still liked to sing.

She would sing while showering, cooking and cleaning. He would miss waking up and hearing her sing in the shower. He would miss every single thing about her.

His eyes watered and blurred his vision. He quickly tried to blinked the tears away, but it didn’t work. They fell down his cheeks.

His breathing became short and he had to remember that he was in the presence of his son. He had to be the strong one. He had to show Damien that things were going to be okay even though he felt like his entire universe was falling apart.