With out love where would you be now?

Sara: I haven't left Matt. I told you I wouldn't...

His arms wrapped around me.

Matt: we wouldn't be the same without you. Johnny blames himself.

Sara: for what?

Matt: me and you. Not being what we used to. He sees the fake smiles
and shit.

Johnny's Pov.

I walked down the street. Looking at my feet. Thinking about how I am
gonna go about raising my baby. Money. If the band gets big it will be
easy. If not then who knows. Either way we will see. I just hope I will
be a good dad. I think most guys hope that when they are going to be
dads. I opened the door to Brian's house.

Johnny: yo Brian!

Jenn came around the corner scaring the crap out of me. She laughed.

Jenn: Brian is showering. What's up little man?

Johnny: not much.

Jenn: and Sara? Heard her brother is back.

Johnny: she's good and yeah her brother is back.

Jenn: so what exactly happened? I heard someone saying Mondo beat the
shit out of Matt.

Johnny: he did.

Jenn: why?

Johnny: you can ask him yourself. Tonight when we all go out.

She nodded.

Jenn: I better go pay a visit to the Sanchez house. Tell Brian.

I nodded and watched her walk out. I drew invisible pictures on the
couch arm rest. I didn't even hear Jimmy and Zacky come in.

Zacky: is Sara coming?

I shrugged.

Jimmy: whens the last time you saw her?

I shrugged. My head whipped forward as a result of being smacked. I
glared at Jimmy.

Jimmy: your girlfriend is pregnant. You should be taking care of her.

Zacky: you should be with her. She told me you've been avoiding her.
You sure are coming off as an asshole.

Johnny: I'm just thinking shit over.

Jimmy: don't worry Johnny you could always push her down a set of
stairs.

I punched him in the gut and glared.

Jimmy: I was fuckin' kidding!

He breathed out. Zacky shook his head.

Zacky: that was fucked up.

Johnny: you're a douche bag, Jimmy.

Jimmy: I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd get so serious about it.

My eyes narrowed and I crossed my arms.

Johnny: whatever.

Zacky: are you ok Johnny?

Johnny: yeah why?

He shrugged.

Zacky: you seem bothered.

I am concerned about Sara. And Matt. How can I fix things so we all get
what we want.

Johnny: I'm just tiered. And I don't want togo to school.

Zacky groaned.

Zacky: I fuckin' forgot about school. Fuck school.

Jimmy: I could care less. Hey Johnny boy do you know what it is yet?

Johnny: no we haven't decided if we want to know yet.

Brian: hey assholes. Where did Jenn go?

Johnny: Sara's.

Brian nodded and sat next to Jimmy.

Brian: how has she been?

Zacky: he wouldn't know. He hasn't really seen her.

Brian: shame on you Johnny. Shame on you.

Johnny: I know. I know.

Brian: so how about you man? How are you feelin' about all of it?

Johnny: happy, worried, excited, nervous, scared...I am not going to be
a good dad...I mean I'm thinking about it and I know I'm not.

I looked at them. Hoping they would disagree. But they said nothing. I
hung my head low. Fuck now I really know I'm going to be a shitty dad.
My friends even know I'm going to suck. I sighed inwardly.

Brian: whens the next band practice.

I felt horrible. I ignored there conversation and got lost in my
thoughts. I could see it now. Sara would leave me. For all valid reasons.
Being a shitty dad. Not being able to provide for them. But she would be
around. Torturing my insides. I don't want that to happen. Watching her
from far away would not be good enough. I shook my head.

Johnny: fuck that.

Everyone looked at me.

Brian: fuck what?

Johnny: nothing.

They all shrugged and continued on.

Zacky: Johnny. Don't freak out. You'll be fine. You're just nervous.

He said sincerly.

Johnny: but I'm-

Zacky: not ready? Shit my dad wasn't ready for me either look how old
he was. Its ok Johnny. We will be here for you. And your parents right?

Johnny: yeah.

Zacky: then don't freak. It will all work out. You act like just cause
you're going to be a dad you automatically become a super parent. You
think Sara doesn't freak out.

Johnny: she doesn't show it.

Zacky: Johnny we were all there when she told you. Its not easy for
her.

Brian: when did you become all Dr. Phil and shit Zack?

Zacky: shut up Brian. This is serious. I'm just trying to be a good
friend. I care about what happens.

Brian: me too. But what can we say or do that will make him feel
better? Johnny has to realize that shit himself.

Brian placed a hand on my shoulder.

Brian: look. We are all here for you like Zack said. But it doesn't
mean shit if you arn't there for yourself.

Zacky: who's Dr. Phil now.

Jimmy: Johnny...it won't be easy. That's obvious. No one is expecting
either of you to know what todo.

I nodded.

Johnny: how am I gonna support them?

Jimmy: get a job...

Johnny: what about the band?

Jimmy: what's more important.

Johnny: Sara.

Zacky: there you go then. The band is nothing compared to what you and
Sara have, right?

I nodded.

Brian: or you can wait it out a bit and see what happens with the band.

Johnny: I just don't know.

I buried my face in my hands.

Jenn: I am back!

We all looked as she entered with Sara and Matt.

Sara: hey bitches.

Zacky: Sara you have a small bump now. Its like I haven't seen you in a
month.

She smiled and rubbed her belly.

Jimmy: can I feel?

Sara: go for it.

His hands engulfed her tiny bump. He shook with excitement.

Sara: so are you guys gonna drink?

Brian: probley.

Sara: ofcourse. You guys are so predictable.

Brian: whatever.

Johnny: Pancakes...

She looked at me for a second and walked over. She sat next to me. Her
eyes watched everyone else though. I grabbed her hand. I knew she was
upset because I hadn't come to see her much. I don't blame her. She
didn't show it to them but left it for me to see. To feel it.

Brian: beer, Johnny boy?

I took it with out hesitaition.

Brian: and for Sara...I got you one of my little sisters juice boxes.

Sara: awww thanks Brian. You actually care.

He smiled and nodded.

Brian: well yeah I mean that's my future niece or nephew in there.

Jenn: awwww!

All the guys: awwwww!

Brian: fuck you guys.

Zacky: naw I'd rather your girlfriend fuck me.

Brian glared at Zacky.

Zacky: well its true.

I ignored them and squeezed Sara's hand. She looked at me. I kissed her
cheek. A faint smile gracing her cheeks. I rubbed her belly a little.
Her lips met my neck. My eyes shut at the feeling. Oh what a wonderful
feeling it was. She stopped and focused her attention back to the
group. Matt was standing arms crossed. His eyes on me. I took a long drink
from the beer.

Jimmy: so what the fuck happened to you Matt?

Brian: good question.

Matt: I got beat up. What else does it look like?

Jenn: by who?

Matt: Sara's brother.

All the guys looked at him wide eyed.

Zacky: he's back?

He asked a bit nervously.

Sara: yeah.

Brian: why did he kick your ass?

Matt: you know how it is.

He was still looking right at me.

Brian: oh so he's still a dick.

Matt: yeah.

I drank as the guys had fun. Don't get me wrong they were drinking to
but I was getting drunk. I felt the need to drink in excess. To seclude
myself from everyone else.

End Johnny's Pov.

I watched my Johnny. Beer after beer. Is this how it was going to be?
Is this all he will do? He is upset and I can tell. He isn't smiling
like usual. I felt misplaced. Being the only one not drinking. Watching as
my friends got to live the normal life I once had. Was this the
begining. Or the end. Am I the odd one of the group. I feel like I don't
belong here anymore. I looked down at my feet. What was I doing here. I
can't drink. I can't have the fun I used to have. I stood up.

Johnny: where you going baby?

Sara: bathroom. I'll be right back.

He grabbed my hand.

Johnny: want me to come with you?

I smiled and shook my head.

Sara: no I'm only going pee.

He let me go and I walked down the hall into the bathroom. I did my
thing and washed my hands. I opened the door and Johnny was standing
there.

Sara: yes?

Johnny: just making sure you're ok.

Sara: why wouldn't I be?

He shrugged and leaned against the door frame.

Sara: what's wrong Johnny?

He looked at me with his glazed eyes.

Johnny: I'm drunk.

I smiled.

Sara: well atleast you know you're drunk.

He shrugged again.

Sara: what's really bothering you sweetheart?

I pulled him into the bathroom and sat him on the toilet. He looked at
me sadly.

Johnny: I'm gonna be a shitty dad.

I pulled him to me.

Sara: oh Yoni.

His head rested right where my small bump started. I rubbed his back.

Johnny: I don't lead the right life to be a good dad. Look at me. A
drunk at fifteen.

Sara: you are not a drunk.

Johnny: I'm in a band. I don't even have a job pancakes. How can I
support you and the baby.

He looked up at me.

Johnny: you should be with someone like Matt. He can take care of you.