With out love where would you be now?

Sara: hey Matt.

Matt: yeah?

Sara: why did we stop talking?

He looked at me then back at the road.

Matt: I...well for my part. You said something about you and Johnny. I
felt like you didn't want to be around me anymore.

Sara: oh...its hard to be around you when you're always busy. You put
me on the back burner babe.

He sighed. He parked and we sat there for a moment. He stared at the
steering wheel.

Matt: I did.

He said quietly. I just stared at him.

Matt: you were always trying...trying to tell me. I didn't realize how
much I needed you around.

He shrugged a bit.

Sara: Matt I realized you can't have a girlfriend and a best friend who
happens to be a girl. I don't know why. But you can't.

Matt: it never got in the way when you went out with Zack. Or when I
started going out with Val.

Sara: things change.
Zack was always cool with me and you hangin' out. Val is too. Its just
you are so busy with what's going on.

Matt: and for some reason I felt like putting you aside was ok. Its
not, you don't put the people you care about to the side. You never did.
Even after you told me how you felt you attempted to talk to me. Did I
try? No. I don't blame you for giving up. Then you started hangin' out
with Johnny and like I said I thought you didn't want to be around me
anymore.

I looked out the window.

Sara: well we get to spend time together now that we have a project
due.

Matt: yeah...

I got out of the car and went into the store. Everything, almost
everything could be found in there for art.

Matt: so what exactly do you need?

Sara: I have no paint.

Matt: did you use up all the paint we got you?

Sara: yeah. That was like 2 months ago.

Matt: fuck. You go through paint like Jim goes through drum sticks.

He laughed a little.

Sara: I think I might actually be beating him. I defitnatly need
black...red...pink...blue...

Matt: just take like one or two of each.

Sara: well I don't have a lot of cash and I'm just thinking about what
colors I have at home.

Matt: don't worry about it I'll pay whatever you can't.

Sara: no its ok. I'll just get what I need.

Matt: but you're going to be needing all of them eventually. So just
get them all.

Sara: if I had money Matt.

Matt: and I'm telling you, I will pay for what you can't. I mean after
all its for our project.

He emphasized the our. A smile on his face causing his infamous dimples
to appear. I rolled my eyes and grabbed paint. Fine he could spend the
money if he wanted to. We went up to the register.

Lady: hey Sara. Its been a while.

Sara: what like a week?

Lady: that's a long time for you.

We laughed a little.

Lady: I haven't seen you in a while.

She said smiling at Matt.

Lady: you used to come in with Sara. You used to follow her and listen
to her explain how each thing could be used.

He smiled and nodded.

Matt: I now know that not everything has to be used like it says on the
package.

She smiled.

Lady: your total is 20.13.

I handed her a 10. Matt pulled out 15.

Lady: your change is 4.87. Thanks guys. Hope to see you soon.

We both smiled and nodded. We got back in the car and headed home.

Sara: so when do you want to start the project?

Matt: well we could start tonight if arnt busy.

I thought for a moment. I wasn't busy but he is acting like everything
is cool. Like nothing happened. I mean we only talked about it a
little. We didn't fix it just adressed it.

Matt: what do you say? You could come over or I could go to your house.

He had a small smile on his face.

Sara: sure...I guess we could.

His smile widened. I never fall for the stupid innocent smile thing.
But for some reason I did. I knew why. I missed him. Even though I acted
like I didn't care. I missed him. I mean you don't practically grow up
with someone, hang out with them everyday, telTell them your problems,
seek advice, share life changing moments, and not miss them. Not feel
anything. As pushed aside as I felt. I still missed him. That's why I am
in his car, listening to him, going to his house. Feeling the way I
feel. The same way I always have. We got out of his car and went into his
house and up to his room.

Matt: Sara.

Sara: yes?

I asked while pulling out my supplies.

Matt: do you wonder what it would have been like if I didn't ask Val
out.

Sara: don't have to. You would still be all I like her and blah blah. I
would have to beat you up like I used to. Just to make you shut up.

He smiled. I walked over to my drawer at his desk. I opened it and
frowned.

Sara: uhh Matt, where's all my shit?

Matt: I cleaned it out. Actually Val did.

Sara: why?

Matt: she said that something in there made my room smell.

Sara: but it was my shit. I had good art shit in this drawer.

I walked towards his door.

Matt: where are you going?

Sara: I have to get shit from my house to work on the project. Because
you let Val throw my stuff away.

I walked out and headed towards my house. I can't believe he just let
her throw my shit away. I paid good money for that stuff. Its my drawer.
It has my fucking name on it. I walked up to my room. Grabbed some
stuff and went back to Matts.

Sara: I'm back.

He came out of the bathroom.

Matt: sorry about the drawer.

I shrugged and started on the project. I always start with a sketch. I
stared at the blank paper. Nothing coming to mind. I seemed to have
lost my inspiraition when I saw my empty drawer. So I sat there. My mind
blank. Staring off into space.

Matt: hey look at this.

I looked at Matt. He handed me a scraggly looking paper. I smiled.

Sara: I can't believe you still have this.

Matt: me either.

It was a picture Matt had made in middle school. A heart with Matt and
Sara forever. It was shitty and you could tell a guy made it. But it
was still what it was. He laughed a little.

Sara: what?

Matt: I totally had a crush on you when I made that.

He said while smiling down at his hands. This was something I never
knew. I sat there a bit wide eyed. He looked at me. His cheeks a bit pink.

Matt: yeah...I only told Jenn.

She knew and didn't tell me? Why not? What a bitch.

Sara: but you always said you liked Val.

Matt: I did but...I don't know.

He shrugged. Looking back at his hands. I felt weird knowing this.

Sara: why?

Matt: why what?

Sara: why did you like me?

Matt: cause...

He shrugged again. I just stared at him. It was weird. Matt liking me.
I didn't know what to think.

Matt: I guess it was cause you were the only person I knew wasn't
scared of me.

Sara: Jenn isn't.

He gave me a yeah right look.

Matt: you were ready to fight me when you saw me picking on her.

Sara: I remember that. That was in 6th grade. That was the 1st time I
met you.

He smiled and nodded.

Matt: yeah you were the 1st girl that ever cussed me out... You were
the 1st girl that I ever heard cuss.

Sara: you got so pissed. Your face was all red. And you said you were
gonna kick my ass and put me in my place. I remember I just laughed.

Matt: yeah and you said I don't listen to my parents so why the fuck
would I listen to your bitchy punk ass.

He came and sat next to me.

Sara: then you got even more pissed. So you pushed me and called me a
bitch.

Matt: and you pushed me back which surprised the hell out of me.

Sara: I'm not going to lie. I was a bit scared. I mean you've always
been bigger than me.

Matt: yeah but you knocked me to the floor.

Sara: only after you pushed me harder.

Matt: that's when all hell broke loose.

I nodded.

Matt: you gave me a black eye and got away with it.

I smiled cheekily.

Matt: then I get home that day and wouldn't you know it. You had just
moved in across the street.

Sara: yup. I remember you would always say you would get me back.

Matt: and you would always laugh.

Sara: damn. Great 1st impressions.

He laughed.

Matt: I remember we had p.e. together. We had to be partners for
something.

Sara: everything. You hated me so much and acted like it was my fault
that we were always partners.

Matt: well you kicked my ass infront of a lot of people. Ofcourse I
hated you.

I smiled.

Sara: I remember the 1st civilized conversation we ever had.

Matt: me too. You came struttin' into school with a homemade Guns 'n'
Roses shirt. And a violen case in hand.

Sara: and you came up to me and asked where'd ya get the shirt?

Matt: and you rolled your eyes at me and walked off. Luckily we had 1st
together.

Sara: so you sat behind me and kept bothering me about the shirt.

Matt: yeah then I brought up the violen. You gave me a nasty look.

Sara: I hated that thing.

Matt: but you were good.

I shook my head trying to forget those awful orkestra days.

Matt: I said oh so you are wearing a G'n'R shirt to look like a badass?
Or to have people forget your lugging a violen around?

Sara: yeah then I turned around and said I don't need a fucking shirt
to make me feel like a badass, I already knocked the shit out of you to
prove I am, fucker. As for the violen I am in orkestra, if you don't
like it that's just to damn bad. I deal with it, so fuck off.

Matt: and I remember I just stared at you. And told you I play piano.
And all you said was cool.

We laughed a bit.

Sara: now that I think about it. That wasn't so civilized.

He nodded.

Matt: I remember how we actually got to talking and not lashing at each
other.

Sara: and how was that?

Matt: it was...after school one day. You were trying to open your
locker....

Sara: and I couldn't... And for some reason you decided to help me.

Matt: yeah...I pushed you out of the way and asked for your
combonation.

Sara: and you opened it and I said thanks.

Matt: then I asked if you were walking home. And you said no, that you
were getting a ride. We walked out of the school together. Got in our
moms cars and went home. We just kinda started talking after that.

A silence.

Matt: I realized I had a crush on you in 7th grade. The only reason I
can give you is cause I liked you...

I nodded. That's a good enough reason for me. I looked at him and he
was staring at the blank paper infront us.

Matt: and you were the only one who had the same passion for music the
way I did in those days.

I shrugged.

Matt: but then you know Val. I always liked her.

Sara: I know believe me I know. I put up listening to you for a long
time and then some.

He laughed. I looked at the blank paper now.

Matt: do you like her?

Sara: I...

I really wasn't sure anymore. I mean she hasn't done anything to me.

Matt: you can be honest.

Sara: I don't hate her.

Matt: but you don't like her.

I nodded.

Sara: don't get me wrong. She's cool and super nice.

Matt: I understand.

Sara: don't be mad, Matty.

Matt: I'm not.

Sara: yes you are.

I flinched when he put his arm around me.

Matt: I'm not believe me. You know when I'm mad, brown eyed girl. My
brown eyed girl.

Sara: oh stop. If Jenn heard you she would never let me hear the end of
it.

Matt: that's why I love saying it when she's around.

I shook my head.

Matt: I know you like that song.

Sara: yeah well Van Morrison kicks ass.

Matt: maybe I will just stick with mexifry.

I smiled. The names these people called my friends give me.

Matt: I just thought of a new one for the list.

Sara: great what is it?

Matt: peach.

Sara: what? I hate that stupid bitch.

He laughed and shook his head.

Matt: not the princess the fruit.

Sara: why?

Matt: because your mom is right.

Sara: about what?

Matt: your cheeks do get really red like a ripe peach. And they do make
me want to bite them.

Sara: well go for it.

And the basturd did. It surprised me. I smacked him.

Sara: hey!

Matt: well you told me to go for it.

Sara: I didn't actually think you would. I'm the biter of the group.

He smiled and went for it again. I moved and he fell on his face. I
laughed. He grabbed me and pinned me down.

Matt: you arnt going anywhere.

He smiled slyly.

Sara: don't. I'm not going to laugh. So there's no point.

He just kept smiling. He started softly tickling my side.
Matt: I will get you to laugh, I always do.

I held back my urge to laugh. I can actually stand being tickled. Its
like I can turn it off or on. He kept on with his tickling.

Sara: I told you.

He just kept smiling. His hand then went to my leg. He held me down
with one arm while the other worked on my leg. Thank goodness I wore
jeans. If I had worn capris or something I'd be screwed. Bare skin not good
when tickling is involved. I felt his free hand go to my sides again.
He went underneath my shirt. I started to squirm.

Matt: aha. I found a spot.

Sara: no you di-

I started laughing. Damn it he won. I moved about trying to get free.
But no matter how much I tried I couldn't get out of his grasp. My
laughter just kept getting louder. Matt was even laughing. Then we both fell
silent. My mouth was open a bit in shock. Matt was wide eyed and
turning red. I felt my cheeks getting hot. His hand still up my shirt.
Pinned beneath him with my legs on either side. Niether of us able to say
anything. I just looked at his face. Not wanting to make it more
uncomfurtable for either of us. He breathed in heavily.