With out love where would you be now?

I started laughing. Damn it he won. I moved about trying to get free.
But no matter how much I tried I couldn't get out of his grasp. My
laughter just kept getting louder. Matt was even laughing. Then we both fell
silent. My mouth was open a bit in shock. Matt was wide eyed and
turning red. I felt my cheeks getting hot. His hand still up my shirt.
Pinned beneath him with my legs on either side. Niether of us able to say
anything. I just looked at his face. Not wanting to make it more
uncomfurtable for either of us. He breathed in heavily.

Matt: I'm sorry.

He whispered. I shook my head.

Sara: don't. It...it happens.

I said awkwardly. He looked away his face completely red.

Matt: it uhh...yeah.

Sara: should I move?

He shook his head.

Matt: no you'll rub and rubbing is not good.

He said totally embarassed. I just nodded.

Sara: can you get off so I don't have to feel it.

I closed my eyes as I felt him get off me. I heard him go into the
bathroom. I just laid there. Shocked and speechless. I couldn't move. It
had to be the most awkward moment me and Matt have been through. It
seemed like I had been laying there forever when he came out of the
bathroom.

Matt: you're still here.

I nodded. He sat on his bed.

Sara: I think I'm gonna leave.

Matt: ok...

I stood up and walked over to him.

Matt: I'm sorry. I don't know what happened.

Sara: lots of friction. You just got excited. It happens Matty.

He looked at me.

Matt: you're not bothered by it?

Sara: oh I am. But we've been through things before. I just you know
never expected that from you and me being around. Or involved.

I felt my cheeks getting hot again.

Sara: I have to go. I'll call you or something. Bye.

I rushed out the door. Nothing about that situation felt right. I made
it in my house and sighed.

Mom: where have you been?

Sara: Matt's. We have a project due when we get back from vacation.

Mom: que paso estas toda roja. (what happened you're all red.)

Sara: nothing. Just my face is hot.

Mom: oh. Well there's food if you're hungry.

I nodded and went up into my room. I laid down on my bed. I felt weird.
I woke up to kisses being placed randomly on my neck.

Johnny: hey sleepy.

I instantly wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck.
I felt guilt about what happened at Matt's. Like I had done something
wrong. Almost like I had cheated on Johnny. It was strange. I just clung
on to him.

Johnny: what's wrong?

I shook my head. He pulled away and looked at me. I looked away feeling
dirty about what happened.

Johnny: don't lie to me. I know something is wrong. What happened?

I just kept shaking my head and he kept trying to look me in the eye.

Johnny: please tell me so I can try and help.

I clamped my eyes shut when he got in my face.

Johnny: please look at me, something. Tell me something.

I ignored him.

Johnny: was is it something I did? Just look at me, please babe,
please.

I felt that if he looked me in the eyes he could see how disgusting I
felt. How I felt ashamed. He wrapped his arms around me. Comfurt is what
he gave me when he knew he wasn't going to get any answers. I felt
like crying and I didn't know why. Its not like we were actually together.
Or that I had done anything bad.

Sara: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Johnny: what?

I finally looked at Johnny and the look on his face full of concern. I
shook my head again. How could I tell him? I mean I know he would get
upset.

Johnny: just tell me. I will understand...or atleast try to.

Sara: I was at Matt's and something happened.

Johnny: what happened?

He asked cautiously.

Sara: we were...he was tickling me. And he got excited. And I
feel...I'm sorry.

Johnny: excit-oh. I get it.

He started laughing a little.

Sara: its not funny!

Johnny: ofcourse not...

He kept laughing.

Johnny: I'm sorry. Its a guy thing.

Sara: I thought you would get pissed.

Johnny: why? If anything I feel bad for you.

I looked at him.

Johnny: you were upset for nothing. And I can only imagine how fucking
weird that must have been.

I nodded.

Johnny: you had no reason to be upset.

He hugged and kissed me.

Sara: so its no biggy?

Johnny: why would it be? If anything Val should be the one to get
upset. I mean her boyfriend got all worked up over someone that wasn't her.
Let's just forget about it.

Johnny was amazing. Damn this kid. He could always make me smile.

Sara: what time is it?

Johnny: 10:30. Let's go have breakfast my treat.

Sara: yeah but I drive...

He smiled and kissed me.

Johnny: and I'll pay for gas too.

Sara: fine...let me get dressed.

Johnny: and I will watch.

I made a face and he got the hint. He flopped on to his stomach and his
face was in my pillow. I quickly got dressed. After putting my pants
on I jumped on him.

Sara: I'm ready!

Johnny: you're squshing me.

I laughed and got off. We walked out.

Sara: mama! Yo y yoni vamos a ir! (mom! Me and Johnny are leaving!)

Mom: donde van? (where you going?)

Sara: a comer. (to eat)

Mom: do you have money?

Johnny: I'm paying for breakfast if that's what you're talking about.

My mom perked a brow and smiled.

Mom: te ama este nino. Tu sabes eso? (this boy loves you. You know
that?)

I just smiled a little and headed out the door. We got in my dad's
truck.

Sara: so where to?

Johnny: up to you.

Sara: ok. How 'bout dennys?

He nodded. I pulled into the parking lot.

Johnny: I want pancakes.

Sara: gross...I want waffles.

Johnny: I'm going to call you pancakes.

Sara: why?

Johnny: cause you don't like them. But I do. And they taste good. And
you do too.

He said with a smirk. I shook my head and smiled.

Sara: gross Johnny. Show some class we are at a shitty restaurant.

Johnny: oh sorry hold on.

He tucked his napkin into his shirt.

Johnny: better?

Sara: you look like you are 10.

I laughed a little. We ordered our food.

Sara: so what are you up to today sweetheart?

Johnny: I'm gonna hang with Zacky and Brian. Want to come?

Sara: no. I have some project todo and Christmas shopping.

Johnny: oOoO xmas shopping. What are you getting me?

I smiled slyly and winked at him. He bit his lip and looked down at his
pancakes. We ate the rest of our food and left.

Sara: want me to drop you off at Zacky's?

Johnny: no its cool. I will just have him pick me up at my house.

Sara: want a ride to your house then?

Johnny: no. I can walk from your house.

Sara: then why don't you have Zacky pick you up at my house?

He thought for a moment.

Johnny: that's not a bad idea. I need to call him though.

Sara: well my house has a phone.

Johnny: really?

He asked sarcastically.

Sara: yeah it does.

I said just as sarcastically. We both laughed as I pulled up to my
house.

Sara: mom! We are back.

Mom: you don't have to yell.

Sara: yes I do its in my nature.

Mom: so where did you go to eat?

Johnny: dennys and I've decided that I am going to call Sara pancakes.

Mom: why?

Johnny: cause she ta- hates them.

My mom frowned then shrugged. He smiled innocently.

Johnny: can I use your phone Rosa?

Mom: uhh yeah. Why the hell would you ask?

They both walked into the kitchen while I went into the living room.

Sara: hey dada.

Dad: hey mija. How was breakfast?

Sara: good. I had waffles with apples.

Dad: sounds good. I prefer waffles over pancakes.

Sara: same. Pancakes are gross.

He nodded.

Dad: I like waffles cause they can be crunchy on the outside.

Sara: yeah and not only are they round but square too.

Dad: exactly. Its hip to be square.

I laughed. Johnny came into the room.

Dad: hello Mr. Seward.

Johnny: hi. Heard any good music latel

Johnny: hi. Heard any good music lately?

Dad: yeah. Stone temple pilots.

Johnny: oh. I love those guys.

Dad: yeah they're pretty good. I would have to say they are my favorite
band right now.

They got to talking about random bands. I just listened.

Zacky: the italion stallion is in the house!

He said after busting into my house. My dad just looked at Zacky.

Dad: sorry Zack. The italion stallion can't be a halfer.

We all laughed.

Dad: hey guys. What are you up to? Is there a practice at Matt's?

Brian: no. We are here for the midget. Where's Jenn?

Sara: she's not my girlfriend.

Brian: well she's always here.

Dad: its only a matter of minutes before she's here.

And as if on cue Jenn came walking into the room.

Jenn: Rosa! I'm hungry! Hey Gil.

Dad: told you. Hey Jenn.

Mom: ay Jenn. Feed yourself.

Jenn: I don't know how to make food.

Mom: por favor. You're just being lazy.

She pouted and my mom shook her head.

Zacky: well come on Johnny let's go.

Brian: Jenn. Me, Zack, and Johnny are going out want to come?

Jenn: no. I am staying here. I need to talk to Sara about something.

Brian: suit yourself.

Zacky: we will probley be back later.

Dad: good then Sara won't be alone.

Sara: you guys going to the other place?

Dad: yeah. I need to work on the other bathroom and someother little
stuff.

Zacky: are you going to put granite or tile?

Dad: granite. Only cause I can put it in myself. And its better than
tile.

They nodded.

Zacky: well we're gone.

Jenn: so what are we gonna do?

I shrugged and sat back on the couch.

Dad: you should have gone with the guys if you're bord.

Sara and Jenn: naw.

Jenn: I'm tiered of Brian's face. Shut up Sara.

Sara: I didn't even say anything.

Jenn: you were going to.

Sara: but ya didn't give me a chance.

She shrugged then got up.

Jenn: come on I'm hungry.

Dad: there's food if you want.

Jenn: no. I want to go out plus I want to talk to Sara.

Dad: alright. Have fun.

Sara: tell my mom we went out.

He nodded and focused back on the tv.

Sara: I already ate.

Jenn: I never said anything about you eating.

I made a face and she reaturned it. We went to some random place. We
sat at a table and Jenn ordered.

Sara: so what do we need to talk about?

Jenn: Brian wants me to go on tour with them.

Sara: so?

Jenn: and be bymyself. Without you to protect me?

Sara: you don't need me. You can handle yourself.

Jenn: I don't want to go if you don't.

Sara: why not?

Jenn: cause it wouldn't seem right. Plus I would have to hang out with
Val.

Sara: Val is nice.

Jenn: yeah...but still. Its Val. I kinda imagined it would always be me
and Brian. You and Matt. Together. On tour with the boyfriends.

Sara: what? Me and Matt?

Jenn: well. Everyone always thought it would be you and Matt.

Sara: everyone is crazy.

I shook my head. I knew better. Best friends never work.

Jenn: whatever. I don't want to go on tour if your not going.

Sara: so don't.

Jenn: but its time off school.

Sara: then go.

Jenn: I don't know. What do you think.

Sara: I think that either way its up to you and I really don't care.

She huffed.

Jenn: you're no help.

I shrugged and drank my water.

Jenn: what's on your mind?

Sara: what are you talking about?

Jenn: you have that look on your face. The one you get when you're
really thinking about something.

Sara: oh. You know me always some bullshit going on in my mind.

She smiled and nodded.

Jenn: can I say one thing before I eat.

Sara: go ahead.

Jenn: ever since you and Matt stopped talking for real he seems to
think he can come to me. Don't get me wrong. He's my friend and I guess I
care for him and shit. But yesterday...ew.

Sara:oh........

Jenn: yeah. He didn't have to tell me. I didn't need to know. But he
fucking told me anyways. I was so...oh Geeze it was unecessary. As for
you. All I can say is awkward. That must have sucked.

I just nodded and looked out the window.

Sara: it was wrong. So wrong.

Jenn: as wrong as that kiss?

I glanced at her. She had a smirk plastered on her face.

Sara: what kiss?

Jenn: the one you play stupid about and act like no body knows about
but everyone does.

Sara: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Jenn: I'm sure you don't. Ms. Lip biter.

Sara: shut up. So what? He was upset ok. I didn't know what I was
thinking! He looked so damn fucking sad and I wanted to make him feel
better!

She rolled her eyes.

Jenn: sure keep telling yourself that. Matt says differently.

I glared at her a little and sat back. Yeah me and Matt had this
moment. To this day I have no idea what I was thinking. Nor did he. All we
know is it felt good. We would and could never admit that. It also could
never happen again.

Sara: yeah...well Matt also had a girlfriend.

Jenn: and he still has that girlfriend. Who to this day knows about it
but is in more denile than you and Matt combined.

I crossed my arms and glared at my water.

Jenn: Matt was on cloud fucking nine that entire week. You made him
feel that way. The same way you did last night.

Sara: I'm done talking about this.

Jenn: I'm not.

Sara: well talk all you want cause I'm not listening.

Jenn: don't be mad cause you and Matt like each other.

Sara: we do not.

Jenn: everyday its more and more obvious and everyday you 2 deny it.

Sara: how can we be obvious if haven't been around each other. Plus. I
have Johnny.

Jenn: he's your toy and you know it.

Sara: he is not. I don't fuck around with people like that. You know
how I feel about that kind of shit.

Jenn: whatever. Why don't you let everyone know about you 2 then?

Sara: we've never had anyone ask.

Jenn: what are you gonna do when Jimmy figures it out. He's so close
its not even funny.

Sara: I will tell him.

Jenn: what about when Matt finds out.

Sara: I'll tell him too. What's he gonna do beat me?

Jenn: you are so stubborn.

I shrugged. She ate, we talked, then left. My parents and my sister
left for the other house. Meaning house all alone for me to do what I
please. Hell yeah bitches!

Jenn: so what should we do?

Sara: well the guys are coming back. You know what that means.

Jenn: drinking? That's it? We always do that.

Sara: that's all they ever want to do. I'm going to paint.

Jenn: I want to paint too.

Sara: shit.

Jenn: what?

Sara: my brushes and paint are at Matt's. Fucking damn it.

Jenn: why don't you go get it then?

Sara: no. I just won't paint.

Jenn: what about me I still want to paint.

Sara: then you go get the stuff.

Jenn: no. I don't like Matt.

I rolled my eyes and plopped on my couch. There was a knock on the
door.

Sara: IT'S OPEN!!

Jenn looked at me and shook her head.

Matt's pov

I stood behind all the guys. I felt awkward about being at Sara's after
yesterday. I don't know what happened. Ofcourse I know what happened.
I let myself get the best of me. I just can't control what my body
wants. What I want. I've wanted. We heard Sara yell the door was open. I
felt my mouth get dry as I walked in. This isn't any weirder than the
time she told me about her 1st time. Or my 1st time. So why am I freaking
out. Fuck.

Sara: hey douches.

Brian: hey bitch. Babe.

Jenn: hey Brian.

They hugged and kissed.

Johnny: Sara my favorite girl.

A smile spread across her face. We all took a seat.

Jenn: so what kind of booze you guys bring?

Zacky: well...beer.

Jimmy: Matt got a bottle of Jack.

Jenn: jack? Impressive Sanders.

Matt: well you know how it is.

Brian: so have you decided Jenn?

I looked at Sara then back at Brian and Jenn.

Jenn: no.

They got into their own conversation. I stared at Sara.

Matt: you left your stuff at my house.

Sara: I know. I was going to paint.

Matt: I should have brought your shit.

She shrugged.

Zacky: let's order pizza.

Everyone agreed.

Matt: Sara.

Sara: yeah?

Matt: I know we've been distant but I was wondering if you wanted to
come on tour with us?

Jenn jerked her head towards Sara.

Zacky: dude that would be fucking awsome!

Jimmy: yeah then Jenn and Val could have someone else to hang out with.

Johnny: and someone to take care of me and fight with Brian.

I looked at Sara. She had a bit of a blank look.

Matt: come on the guys want Matt: come on the guys want you to go.

Sara: do you want me to go?

Matt: I asked you didn't I?

Sara: yeah, but still.

Matt: well do want to?

She shrugged and glanced at Jenn.

Sara: I have to think about it. When do you guys leave?

Matt: a bit after school starts again. Its just local.

Sara: maybe.

Matt: alright.

Jimmy: let's drink!

We opened some beers. By the time the food came we were buzzed. So much
for feeling awkward. Then we hit Mr. JD and the fun started.

Sara: come on Jenn you have the best Axle impression.

Jenn: fine only if you do your Matt impression.

Matt: you have an impression of me?

Jenn: she can sound just like you!

Brian: I have to hear it.

Sara: only if Jenn does her impression first.

Jenn: fine. Put that shit on.

Sara put in her G'n'R cd. We all smiled as welcome to the jungle came
on and Jenn started dancing a little.

Jenn: welcome to the jungle we got fun and games...

Zacky: damn. You weren't kidding Sara.

Jimmy: GO JENN GO!

Jenn danced around like Axle and everything. Sara got on the coffee
table and started dancing. Jenn joined in forgetting to sing. I smiled
watching them dance to Slash's guitar playing.

Sara: MATT!

She did a little move and I smirked. She had my full attention.

Sara: CATCH ME!

She jumped and we fell on to the couch. She just hopped off and onto
the arm rest and continued dancing. She jumped off the arm rest and back
on me as the song ended. I laughed.

Zacky: that was fucking amazing.

Johnny: hell yeah 2 of the hottest girls I know dancing to guns and
roses. Doesn't get better than that.

Jimmy: unless they were dressed sexier.

The guys nodded.

Brian: that was the best Axle impression I've heard.

Matt: I agree. Now Sara. Your turn.

She looked at me with a big smile.

Jenn: do it bitch do it.

Sara stood up and cleared her throat. She started singing.

Jenn: if you guys ever need someone to cover for Matt, Sara can do it.

Matt: how come you've never mentioned this talent before?

Sara: you never asked.

Jenn: it doesn't take talent to sound like you Matt.

Matt: doesn't take much to make you bitch.

She smiled and nodded.

Jenn: but ya love me anyway.

I nodded. Our night continued with more drinking and watching Sara and
Jenn dance. I opened my eyes but quickly shut them. I heard someone
walking around and I opened my eyes slowly. I saw Sara in her pjs. I got
up and followed her into the kitchen.

Matt: morning.

I whispered. She turned around and handed me a cup of water.

Sara: buenos dias. (good morning)

Matt: to hung over for another language.

She smiled a bit.

Sara: hungry?

I nodded and sat at the table.

Sara: what should I make? Beans?

Matt: yes.

Sara: ok. Eggs ew.

Matt: yes.

Sara: gross. Umm

I watched her search the fridge. Her messy dark hair all over the
place. Her bare foot tapping the floor to some random beat.

Sara: we have ham.

Matt: sounds good.

Sara: tortillas or toast.

Matt: both. You know how the guys can be.

She nodded and got to cooking.

Matt: what time is it?

Sara: about 9.

Matt: still early.

Sara: yeah. But I had to feed my puppy.

Matt: he's not a puppy.

Sara: he is to me.

She went to her back door and bent down talking to her dog. I looked
and smiled. She always had an ass.

Sara: are you gonna want coffee, juice, water, milk...

Matt: doesn't matter.

Sara: then I won't give you anything.

Matt: that's ok. I can serve myself.

Sara: then you should make your own breakfast.

She crossed her arms and gave me one of her infamous smirks.

Matt: I'll tell your mom.

Sara: tell her.

She went back to cooking.

Matt: so do you think you want to come on tour with us?

She sighed.

Sara: I don't know.

Matt: what if Jenn goes?

She shrugged.

Matt: come on it would be time for us to catch up.

She looked at me.

Sara: maybe. Seems hard to believe. I mean you'll be busy doing shit.

Matt: but when I'm not doing stuff.

Sara: you'll be with Val or the guys. Plus what the hell would I be
doing?

Matt: merch...

Sara: like I said last night let me think about it.

Matt: fine.

We just stayed silent.

Jimmy: SARA! I know who your lover is!

He yelled while coming into the kitchen.

Sara: tell me how you figured it out then tell me who it is.

Finally answers.

Jimmy: well I was right about it being someone in the group.

She nodded while finishing up cooking.

Jimmy: and I thought about it. Obviously it wasn't Brian. Or me unless
it is me and I don't real and if it is I have to think this all over.

Yeah right you Jimmy. Sara isn't into guys like you.

Sara: right.

Jimmy: anyways. Since it leads to you I had to think of our group. Then
I narrowed it down to who you might be with. Since Zacky hasn't been
talking about getting ass I knew it wasn't him. He makes a point about
letting us know about his ass points.

Sara: uh huh.

Jimmy: and Matt has Val. Which left Johnny...

She looked at him.

Jimmy: but then I got to thinking so what if Matt has Val. Best friends
is the last thing anyone would suspect.

I smiled.

Jimmy: So I came to the conclusion that our very own Johnny is your
man. You and Matt are not talking. Johnny said himself that you 2 are best
friends. So its Johnny.

I looked at Sara. I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

Jimmy: am I right?

She bit her lip. No fucking way. It just can't be. Johnny came walking
in sleepily. I felt myself get up walk towards Johnny and before I knew
it he stumbled backwards almost falling.

Sara: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!

She shoved me out of the way to look at Johnny. She glared back at me.

Sara: what the hell is your problem Matt?!?

She spat out. I looked at Johnny, blood was pouring from his nose. He
looked confused and shocked. Exactly how I felt. What the hell just came
over me? I moved out of the way as Sara led Johnny to the table. Jimmy
put a hand on my shoulder.

Jimmy: damn Matt. If you want her that bad you should quit lying to
yourself and Val.

He said seriously. I backed out of the room. I took a seat in a chair.
What the hell. I can't believe I just punched a friend in the face.
Over something I didn't get an answer to. Jimmy is right. I just can't
take this anymore. I thought I had gotten over these feelings. I thought
the day I finally asked Val out it would go away. That I could forget
about that strange feeling in my stomach. The one I get when she's
around. The way I feel good about myself when she's around. I was pulled out
of my thoughts when Sara shoved my shoulder.

Sara: I can't believe you.

Disappointment and anger in her voice.

Sara: can you please explain to me why that happened?

I looked at her. Even though she was clearly pissed she looked at me
calmly. With no anger or hate. Just aggresive curiousity.

Matt: I don't know. Jimmy started explaining everything. Then Johnny
came in. Next thing I knew you were pushing me out of the way.

Sara: is it cause of me and Johnny possibly being something?

Yes.

Matt: I don't know.

Sara: well why don't you get out of my house and figure it out
somewhere else if you don't know.

Its cause my crush never went away. Its cause I ignored the fact I
always cared for you. Its the fact I always think of you when I'm with Val.
Its cause I keep lying to Val when I tell her I only love her.

I got up and left without being asked twice. I went home and locked
myself in my room. I was angry with myself.

End Matt's pov.