I Love Your Switchblade Attitude

Hanging out with Alex seemed to become a daily routine after he had made the call to go shopping that mid-July morning. Alex had chosen to put the event of their shopping expedition behind them, and so they carried on with life pretending that their relationship was one of a clean slate.

Things had not changed between Harley and Alex however, and the pair still seemed to jerk away from each other whenever they touched, whether it being fingers skimming when one handed an object to the other, or brushing hands when they walked side-by-side.

It was so strange to suddenly have this friendship with Alex, a friendship that seemed so genuine; though the pair seemed to keep their distance often, Harley talked to Alex as she would her brother or someone extremely close, and seemed to realize that he was a very good listener.

It was so strange…yet so normal. A casual observer wouldn't have even noticed a difference. In fact, life for Harley was the same as it had ever been since Alex had entered her life – with one small exception.

By some unspoken agreement, every day for weeks following the shopping expedition, Alex seemed to call Harley at early hours of the morning, a smug tone always detectable in his voice, asking her the same question (“So…what are you doing today?”). Every time, Harley would give the same answer, (“Oh, nothing really. L-let’s hang out, yeah?”) all the while attempting to appear nonchalant.

Alex would answer back by claiming he would stop by her house in half an hour, and so their day would begin. She would bound out the door without a second glance; after all, her mother and Colie were well aware of her time spent with Alex by now.

She would hop into Alex’s pick-up truck, something he prided greatly even though he could afford much better, and the pair would spend their days exploring hidden wonders of Maryland.

Sometimes, Alex and Harley couldn’t stop talking to each other, occasionally stuttering as they couldn’t get the words they wanted to say out of their mouths fast enough, while other times the pair would sit in silence, uttering not a single word, just enjoying the sun on their faces and the wind in their hair as they cruised along back roads and highways.

It was a particularly sunny day at the end of July that stuck out most to Harley. She had woken up with a slight ache in her neck, feeling her phone vibrating beside her. For once, it seemed, Harley had woken up before Alex had managed to call—she glanced through blurred eyes at the clock at her bedside and realized it was only seven in the morning.

Sighing, Harley picked up the phone with unsteady hands, she was still feeling lethargic and wasn’t quite aware of her surroundings as of yet. She stared hazily at the small words illuminating her screen, reading them over and over and noticing that they still did not make sense to her.

Something about missed calls…Harley blinked again, suddenly feeling awake as she spotted her boyfriend’s name. Sighing even harder this time, she shut off her cell phone. Max had been calling repeatedly over the past few days, no doubt either ready to break up or to apologize about his mistakes, thought the latter seemed unlikely.

Either way, Harley was not ready to confront him, or deal with his pompous bullshit excuses at the moment, and instead ignored all contact he attempted to have with her. She had to admit, his constant attempts were softening her, and she was soon ready to give up her defenses. Though she was wary, she knew she was not able to resist the charm and constant bother of Maximilian Porter.

She had gotten ready hastily, finding no need to dwell on the flaws in her appearance that she would not be able to fix. It was only Alex after all, and even though she was often stunned into silence by his good looks, witty comebacks and overall mystery, Harley knew she would not have a chance as long as Lisa was around.

She glanced at the clock and grinned to herself—Alex would be calling soon. Closing her closet door behind her, Harley sent one fleeting glance at the scarlet dress that sat perfectly in the corner, still in its shopping bag.

Harley’s cheeks flushed, but she was interrupted of thought as the phone rang loudly from her bedside table. Both Colie and Mrs. Rogers and learned by now not to answer the phone at such early hours—it was always Alex on the other line.

“Alex,” she breathed into the phone feeling slightly giddy, not sure if it was from the early start in her morning or just by talking to him.

“Hey,” She heard Alex exclaim, and she noticed his voice did not even hold a trace of grogginess. He must have been up earlier, like her. “So…what are you doing today?”

“Oh nothing really,” Harley bit back a smile, “Let’s hang out, yeah?”

“Okay!” She could practically hear Alex beaming back, as though this answer came as a surprise to him. “I’ll pick you up in half an hour?”

“Actually, I’ll be ready in ten.” And soon, their day had begun.

_____________

The ride that day was filled with comfortable silence—Alex had spent most of his time occupied with the fact that one of his windows was stuck, not allowing in the fresh air that he so desperately needed to fill the truck.

“Goddamn truck,” he muttered under his breath, slamming down buttons with completely irrelevant functions in an attempt to open the jammed window.

Harley watched amused, “You could just get a new truck…or at least send it in for repairs.”

Alex’s truck was falling apart, but he seemed to be happily ignoring this fact. The window itself was not a big deal, but the fact that one of the doors only worked on days that didn’t end in ‘y’, one of his rearview mirrors was jammed at an awkward angle, and the truck itself made a bizarre ‘clunk’ sound after every few yards showed that it needed some serious adjustments.

Alex looked at her, horror struck by her suggestion. “Send her for repairs?” He looked as though he was sickened by the mere idea of some strange repairman touching his beloved truck. His expression did not change, even as he started to caress the dashboard. “My truck is fucking fabulous, thank you very much.”

Harley rolled her eyes but said nothing. Instead, she fiddled with the radio and spent the rest of the trip to their destination looking out the window and watching the dull buildings fly past.

She could feel Alex’s eyes watching her every so often, only returning back to the road when he had to. She suddenly felt an odd sense of relief when the car finally parked outside a small diner in an area Harley had never been before.

She watched Alex, who was now pulling his keys out of the ignition, and waited until she caught his eye, before sending him a quizzical look. He noticed her look and shrugged, sending her a grin as he opened his door. “I thought we could both use some breakfast.”

It wasn’t until Alex started talking about food that Harley noticed the dull ache in her gut, indicating that she was hungry. The low rumble that followed from her stomach agreed with this statement.

She joined Alex in the diner—he held the door open for her like a true gentleman, and the pair sat down at a booth near a window. A waitress with dyed blonde hair and lips too plump to be real handed them their menus, regarding them with a sort of mastered disinterest before disappearing through a set of double doors.

Both Alex and Harley picked what Alex liked to call ‘safe’ options—nothing that the cooks could really screw up, and nothing to eccentric that could end up with either one of them eating something they would regret. Alex had decided on some sort of omelet with a number of complicated ingredients, while Harley decided on chocolate chip pancakes.

The waitress returned almost twenty minutes later, her long acrylic nails making it difficult for her to clutch her pen properly and write at the same time as she took their orders, before she disappeared again.

“We’re never going to see her again,” Alex mused, watching her retreating figure as she disappeared behind the double doors once more. “And I’m pretty sure I saw her write down something about a milkshake, when I asked for coffee.”

“Well, then we’ll just have to pick a better place next time.” Harley grinned, examining a small laminated paper that advertised the diner’s specials. “Note to self: Do not go to a diner with a waitress who has longer nails than her pen.”

Alex snorted, before smirking slightly, “What makes you think there’ll be a next time? Love being around me, do you?”

Harley attempted to put on a false, high-pitched voice. “Oh of course I do Alex. Visits with you are all I live for!”

She hoped the sarcasm in her voice was evident and Alex did not take it the wrong way, but her fears were cast aside when Alex began to laugh. Her words were partially true—her days were brighter ever since she had been avoiding Max and spending more time with Alex. She was just surprised that he had so much free time, and was willing to spend it with her of all people…

“What I’m…uh…wondering,” Harley said after Alex’s laughter had died down, “is where Lisa is in all of this?”

“A-All of w-what?” Alex asked, clearly attempting to appear indifferent and change the subject, though he wore a scrunched up expression as though he had tasted something sour.

“This,” She gestured her hands around the diner, and then more specifically between Alex and herself. “I mean, no offense or anything, but Lisa is always in your business, at least when I’m around. So why is it that I haven’t heard that much from her in the past few weeks?”

“Well,” Alex contemplated his answer, his gaze fixed on the blank table in front of him. “Honestly, I don’t know. She’s out with friends a lot. She usually comes home most nights, though sometimes she comes back at early hours of the morning, or just skips nights altogether…I was meaning to talk with her about it, you know, fix the problem and all that, but I just haven’t found the time.” He smiled, though it did not reach his eyes.

Harley knew immediately this was a lie—Alex had all the time in the world, he just felt like spending it with Harley instead of talking with his girlfriend about her whereabouts. Harley wasn’t sure whether she should feel guilty for taking Alex away from Lisa, or triumphant considering the fact that it was clear Alex currently preferred Harley over Lisa.

“What about your lover-boy?” Alex said finally, changing the subject in hopes that the gloomy silence that had filled the air would lighten. Unfortunately, the subject of Max was an equally gloomy if not even more depressing subject, and Harley found herself wishing she had never met Max in the first place.

“I don’t know,” Harley groaned, suddenly feeling angered although the source of her anger was nowhere near her.

She knew she should keep this all to herself—she had considered Alex an almost enemy until recently after all, but he appeared to be trustworthy and her instinct told her that he would not judge her. Also, it may have been the fact that she was ready to burst with all her angry, pent-up feelings for Max, but she found herself spilling all the things she hated about her boyfriend to the boy sitting in front of her.

“I’m just…getting sick of him, you know? He’s always fucking talking about himself. And he never even stops to consider any of my needs. I mean, he doesn’t even know my favourite colour! Or my favourite animal! He doesn’t know my favourite song…favourite band…favourite food…inspiration…I mean, even if I tell him—which I don’t even get a chance to do with all the talk of himself—the information will go straight through one ear and come out the other.”

Alex opened his mouth looking slightly perplexed about the situation, but was interrupted as Harley began to rant again.

“I mean, it’s a part of who I am. If you don’t even know those basic things, how are you supposed to know the innermost parts of me? How are you supposed to understand me? If you don’t even know my middle name, how am I supposed to trust you with me heart?! And another thing! He doesn’t even bother to make an effort to impress me. Sure, he brings me to fancy restaurants and shows me off to all his friends, but why do I care about that? I want the little things! All I want is a simple, romantic gesture.”

“Like what?” Alex asked, looking confused.

“I don’t know! Some daisies would be nice. I love daisies, they’re so innocent yet romantic. But of course, Max would never do that! He doesn’t even know my favourite flower!”

By now, Harley felt close to tears, and had no idea why. Max wasn’t even with her, and she wanted to tear her hair out because of him. She remembered that Alex was sitting in front of her, and blushed a bright scarlet. She had forgotten that he was there, so entranced with ranting and getting her feelings out, she hadn’t realized that he was clinging to every word she said, watching as she broke down in front of him.

“Look,” Alex said, in a low, calm voice, causing Harley to look up in surprise. “You already know that I think you being with him is a mistake. You know that I think you deserve someone so much better than him…s-someone who appreciates you,” he looked slightly embarrassed, and Harley was almost certain he was thinking back to his words at the mall, “and someone who is willing to take the time to learn all those crazy little things about you. But I honestly think that you are where you are relationship wise for a reason, and obviously it isn’t working out between you two.” He was staring at her intently again, and Harley attempted to ignore the butterflies in her stomach.

“Thanks,” she sniffled, attempting to store away her unshed tears that threatened to leak from her eyelids. “But can we talk about something else?”

“Sure,” Alex nodded, just as another waitress sauntered up to their table, with greasy black hair and an equally displeased frown.

She shoved a strawberry milkshake onto the table, followed by an orange juice, and left quickly before Alex could even mention that he did not, in fact, order a milkshake, but rather a coffee.

Alex looked helplessly down at the milkshake in front of him and laughed, before talking the straw into his mouth. Over the brim of the cup, his eyes met hers as he wiggled his eyebrows, before licking his lips and sucking the milkshake with much more gusto.

“So,” he licked his lips again and Harley’s eyes were drawn to them instantly, “your birthday’s in a few days…erm…so…what are you planning on doing?”

He looked at her and smiled, that charming smile that had lured her into following his orders or hanging onto his words millions of times before. For some reason, Harley felt a chill run through her body.

She suddenly felt guarded again, unsure of whether she could trust the boy in front of her. Sure, she had just had a ridiculously embarrassing breakdown in front of him, but she could save herself before it got worse, couldn’t it?

She was back to being wary of every move both of them made—the way he licked his lips, the ways his eyes in turn flickered to her lips every so often, and the way he fidgeted in his seat made her slightly uncomfortable.

“Oh,” Harley wasn’t sure if it would be ‘cool’ to tell him that she was planning nothing, but knew that lies always got her in deeper trouble than it was worth. “I think I’m just going to have a quiet birthday. Maybe a family dinner or something.”

He gaped at her openly, “Harley…you realize you’re turning twenty-one, right?” Harley nodded simply. “When someone is legally able to drink without cops up their ass, they usually do more than have a quiet family dinner.”

“Well after last year, I think a quiet family dinner is what I deserve.” She snapped, watching as his eyes flickered away, no doubt remembering the shameful events that caused this irreversible fork in their relationship.

“Look, I—”

“I don’t want you apology. I just want a family dinner.”

Alex opened his mouth to same something, perhaps to apologize anyway by the looks of it, but the greasy-hair waitress appeared before them, cutting him off.

“Omelet?” She droned, looking between the couple with a snarl. Harley pointed at Alex, who had his hand raised in the air slightly. She took a medium-sized plate and shoved it in front of him, before taking the remaining plate and placing it haphazardly in front of Harley.
“If you need anything…please let me know.”

The waitress grimaced at this, no doubt wanting anything but what she had just suggested. Turning on her heel, she slouched away.

Alex looked down at his omelet while unrolling his utensils. It was quiet for a moment as Harley did the same, and the two began to eat in awkward silence.

After a few moments of poking at her pancakes, which had what looked like raisins instead of chocolate chips, Harley felt Alex’s gaze on her once more. She looked up, blushing from being the object of his eye, and waited for him to speak.

“Do you ever wonder what we could have been?” Alex mumbled so quietly that Harley had thought she heard wrong.

She stared at him.

“I—wha—?”

“I mean, if I had broken up with Lisa that summer. If you hadn’t left…”

“Does it matter?” Harley hissed sharply, attempting to return her gaze back to her plate.

He had to be teasing her…how could he think about that now—when both of them had their significant others? But Alex had said it himself; they both weren’t happy in their relationships.

It was still painful, as though the wound in her heart had been opened once more, to think about how she could have been in a relationship with Alex at the moment…

“Yes.” Alex mumbled softly once more.

This was her breaking point. She felt hot tears well in her eyes, realizing that she wasn’t the only one to blame. What was the point of thinking with a ‘what if’ perspective? It was never going to happen anyway.

“What’s the point, Alex?” She nearly shouted, “What’s the point of thinking about all of this? We wouldn’t have had a relationship anyway, and you know it. Last summer, I loved you. Did you know that? I refused to believe it. I refused to admit it, even to myself, but I loved you.”

Alex opened his mouth, but closed it almost immediately, stunned.

Harley continued, her face turning slightly purple as she had forgotten to breathe. “Of course, you’re probably thinking that if I loved you, then I obviously love you now, right? Therefore we can have some sort of relationship. Start where we left off, right?”

Harley was talking so fast, in a somewhat panicked manner, and if she was Alex, she realized, she would have found it comical. Moments before, they had been calmly discussing breakfast, and now she had turned into some sort of hysterical maniac.

Alex didn't seem to wanted to ackowledge her anger, but seemed to come to his senses. “It’s not like that—”

“So what’s it like then? You and I both know that I was just someone to fuck last summer. It’s no problem, I’ve come to terms with it, but that’s all it ever was. I was in love with you, and you were in lust. Simple as that. I wanted a relationship and you wanted a fuck.”

The greasy haired waitress and her blonde friend poked their heads from the double doors, no doubt hearing Harley’s rising voice. They made no attempt to even hide their curiosity, and instead watched the scene with great interest, even whispering to each other and pointing.

The two other tables occupied in the diner—one holding a plump man with a light pink fedora sitting across a younger man in a tweed jacket, and the other holding a aged mother, attempting to control her rowdy children—both were not-so-subtly eavesdropping on the conversation as well.

Alex opened his mouth again, but noticed that there was no point, Harley was already interrupting him.

“A-And you have the…the audacity to think about a relationship with me right now?! I can tell you what would have happened, Alex. I can truly tell you that if I hadn’t left, I would have kept hating you, just like I had before I left. We both knew that you were too much of a prick to even consider breaking up with Lisa, so don’t even try argue about that. I thought that maybe you had changed this summer, grown up a bit…but I guess…I guess I was wrong.”

Getting up, Harley threw down the napkin that was previously on her lap and stormed out of the restaurant. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Alex looking at the food in desperation, knowing that he couldn’t run out of the diner without paying, as he called her name and begged her to return back to him.

Maybe she was being stupid. That was what she had wanted…wasn’t it? To be in a relationship with Alex? Her brain and heart both knew that if Alex had truly offered, if he had meant it, she would have agreed to a relationship in a heartbeat, throwing away Max as though he was some stupid pawn.

But Harley knew better.

Alex wasn’t thinking about all the pain he had caused her the previous summer, about how she had become emotionally attached to him while he had thrown her aside—no, he was thinking that the two lost souls sitting across from each other, both having relationship problems, could get back together and continue to fuck.

Harley wasn’t having it. As she run around the street, far enough so Alex couldn’t catch her—she was sure he would have thrown down a couple bills on the table and ran after her—the realization that she was completely lost in an unknown part of Maryland came crashing down on her like an icy wave.

Sighing, she looked behind her a final time and prayed she could find a taxi.